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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Falling asleep, 16 week old who won't do it herself. help?

14 replies

loisstella · 27/08/2008 21:58

My daughter likes to sleep, she just doesn't like falling asleep...which has resulted in a very bad behaviour (yes, my fault) but I'd love to hear some experiences / tips from you.
She will not settle herself so I lie her in our big bed and lie down with her. She likes to fall asleep lying on her side, crawles completely into me, so she's almost stuck in me. She likes my arm on her back or legs (she wriggles a lot, due to teething?) and then... and this is really bizarre, likes to stick her fingers in my mouth. This is how she settles and falls asleep (its a 5-15 minute struggle every time).

When she's asleep I can move her to her basket, but its the falling asleep that's a real problem.
I think she's a little small for 'controlled crying' (but happy to hear positive experiences if you ahve any at this age) but am also fearful about the nursery where she is going in 5 weeks and she can't settle herself (daddy is also often not acceptable for madam).

Help?
Any tips?

OP posts:

liahgen · 27/08/2008 22:00

are you unhappy with this arrangment?

I suppose you must be or you wouldn't be posting..

(thicko emoticon)

She's still very little. Is 5 to 15 mins that much of an inconvenience? We used to lay with our eldest boy, he had to hold our hair.

thisisyesterday · 27/08/2008 22:03

it isn't bad behaviour, she is only 16 weeks old. she just wants the comfort and security she gets from being near you
it honestly is ok. my 10 month old still has to be fed to sleep.

you may well find that at nursery it's different. babies often just realise that it's a different place and you do different things there.

deaconblue · 27/08/2008 22:05

Read The BAby Whisperer - she's really good on ways to get your baby off to sleep without leaving her to cry. Ds was like your dd and we spent months with one arm in his cot as he clung to it (nightmare, used to get a dead arm but didn't dare unhook him). With dd I followed Baby Whisperer advice from day 1 - she's 17 weeks and has fallen asleep on her own in her cot every night of her life. Worth getting it out of the library imo

IAteDavinaForDinner · 27/08/2008 22:05

What thisisyesterday said.

Bad behaviour simply not a possibility at this age. Just babies doing what babies do - seeking comfort. Nothing wrong with that (and believe me, 5-15 minutes is nothing!).

My money is on you posting in a year that you really miss the evenings when you would lie with her tiny squidgy fingers in your mouth and she would drift off to sleep

nursery will be fine, don't waste a moment worrying about it

Original poster

loisstella · 27/08/2008 22:09

I don't find it inconvenient and its also quite cute, but I do think it might be awkward for her, say if we would go out (which we haven't done yet), would anyone be able to settle her (which brings my to another post I just put on, she's very attached to us, doesn't like to be left with 'strangers') I'm just so overwhelmed sometimes by how dependant she is on us, and how difficult that is for her every time she is put in a new situation.
And the nursery thing.. will she be able to sleep there if there's no-one there to settle her like mum does? But I do hope you're right tiy, she'll learn things are done differently in nursery and she'll just learn. I guess if she's knackered enough, she'll just drop off as well!

OP posts:

Habbibu · 27/08/2008 22:13

she's so little, though - try not to have too high expectations of her just now. She's dependent because she's just a baby - it will pass.

IAteDavinaForDinner · 27/08/2008 22:14

At 16 weeks she's meant to be wary of strangers and of course she's dependent on you, she can't do anything for herself and she's totally vulnerable. It doesn't mean she will always be clingy or anxious with new people, just that for now she's very tiny and she needs the security of her mum and dad. You won't make her more confident by stopping her from seeking comfort. You can help her build confidence by always being there for her and allowing her to have reassurance when she needs it. Believe me, my DS was a nightmare with everyone other than me (DP was fine too after DS was around 5 months) until he got moving, now at 1 he's so confident he doesn't even look over his shoulder before disappearing on his own little adventures, regardless of where we are

the nursery will be fine because she will soon learn to trust her carers there and they will work out their own way of settling her.

StarlightMcKenzie · 27/08/2008 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

liahgen · 27/08/2008 22:18

have you considered wearing her if she needs to be with you constantly.

tis lovely. They are tiny and totally dependant for such a short time in the grand scheme of things.

IAteDavinaForDinner · 27/08/2008 22:20

liah I initially read that as "have you tried weaning her" and was about to let loose with the and the and all that ...

Good suggestion, a sling makes a huge difference for daytime naps

liahgen · 27/08/2008 22:22

Iate davina.

Love the name btw, have the post pg dvd. Don't think it's any good, do you think it'll work better if i join in?

Sorry small hijack

IAteDavinaForDinner · 27/08/2008 22:24

Join in? News to me ...

Original poster

loisstella · 27/08/2008 22:25

liaghen I do wear her.... that Baby Bjorn is starting to grow onto me!
She loves looking out into the world, and commenting on it as we go along (a lot of squeeling and chuckling). She's an adorable kid and she does sleep through the night (and she has done form 8 weeks, so extremely pleased about that).
I guess I am just anxious myself about having to leave her with others soon; I am going to find it very difficult, and I just worry because I can't reasonably 'explain' it to her and afraid she'll freak out. But I should have some faith in her adaptibily and not translate my fears into hers...
Thank you all for your very positive messages

OP posts:

meandmyjoe · 28/08/2008 10:35

5-15 mniutes, you're doing great for it only to take that long! At that age my ds would only go to sleep if we held him on our chest and walked with him round the house which could take up to an hour! Anything else just ended up with screaming. Honestly, I'd just go with it for now as she is far too small for controlled crying and even that isn't the answer to all problems and is extremely stressful for both you and the baby.

I gradually got my ds so I could feed him to sleep at around 6 months and he's only just started setting himself now and he's nearly 13 months old! I could never stick to any controlled crying with him and I think settling themselves is just something that is developmental and she'll do it when she's ready.

Totally normal for her to need you with her while she goes to sleep. It's lovely that she pokes her fingers in your mouth, how cute!

I don't know any babies at that age who can just be put in their moses basket and drift off on their own, I think they only exist on nappy adverts!

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