if your dc is a whacker, how do you deal with soft play type places?

[deaconblue]

ds (2 and a bit) whacks other children if they want a toy he is playing with. Every time he does it, he always (without fail) has to sit on his bottom away from the toys for a while. So at soft play type places or at the park I find I follow him around to ensure he either doesn't whack or to deal with him if I am a second too late.

Other children whack him and their parents don't seem to be nearby so they don't get in trouble. I sometimes wonder if I should just let him get on with the whacking and being whacked and chill out...

Tough one, DD1 was never a whacker but tbh, at age 2, other than telling him a firm NO and removing him from the situation there is not a lot more you can do. He will grow out of it but it is hard for you to deal with! Someone will no doubt come along with sound advice but as I said, A LOT of 2 years old, if he was 4/5, I would say he should know better but not at age 2.

Good luck!

as a parent of a child who has been whacked I find that as long as the parent addressed the issue (i.e. made the child apologise) I put it down to the ebb and flow of things.

I feel a bit pissed off with parents who let their child whack and choose to ignore it though.

Sorry that meant to say "A LOT of 2 years hit".

oh god is he back to wacking

soft play places bring out the worst in everyone - adults included.

i used to stick to parks, and inviting friends round - easier to help teach little ones how to interact and negotiate then, imo.

so I am right to follow him around then? I know I am annoyed when he gets hit and the other child doesn't get in trouble which is why I'm always lurking but I must say it's tempting to sit and have a coffee

well, if they see and ignore it pisses me off, but I wouldn't expect a parent to trail round after them. Sit and have a coffee and if you see something maybe, umm, look the other way?

In short - would not forgive a parent who just chills out unless it is ignored right under her nose.

How are you BTW (was once BBBasilisk)

I think you should follow him round whilst he is at the stage where you know he is likely to hit. Within a few months you'll probably be in a 'unlikely to hit' phase then you can let him get on with it and accept there may be an uncharacteristic incident.

do you know what, I long for the "unlikely to hit phase" and the "constant whacking" phase has been a long one.
BBB - aha, hello, we are all well thank you. Ds is totally over his illness from last summer (was eventually diagnosed as atypical TB) and we now have little Lucy (4 months old and very lovely indeed).

I feel your pain - DS was a whacker. Sometimes I felt like I was being to hard on him, ready to jump whenever he did anything wrong. If I was at a toddler group and a child started crying I'd say 'oh, was it DS?'

I think that (now he's through it) if DD starts doing it I would take BBBee's advice, sit down, have a coffee but keep an eye out. Try to only get involved if he's really terrorising someone!

Try not to be too hard on him or yourself! DS got better by about 2 and a half and since 3 has been a dream

I think two wrongs don't make a right. Yes he needs you to follow him to stop him whacking, because he needs to learn from adults how to behave and what the social norms are. Just because other parents don't do it doesn't mean you shouldn't. However I wouldn't punish him by making him sit out; just say no we don't hit, and move him on to another activity. Then your ds is still getting the message but is not being punished all the time when other kids aren't!

read this as "if your DP is a wanker, how do you deal with soft play type places...."

was very intrigued I have no advice for the actual problem

DS was a whacker at that age and I always followed him around soft play, too. The sitting out thing would have just resulted in a big tantrum with my DS, so I did the whole 'hitting is not nice' thing, tried to get him to apologise / apologised on his behalf, and moved away. Don't stress too much. They grow out of it. At 3.5 yrs old DS is pretty much able to run free around softplay (yay! i can have a cuppa ij peace) and behaves himself (mostly!).

Bless you, shopping bags, MN is a bit full of perfect parents and their advanced progeny sometimes.

Mostly I just avoided the soft play areas, to be honest. But otherwise I hovered over DS (as close as possible) to prevent whacking, defuse him and the situation before he went postal.