Should DD,7, be made to come to "booooooring" hairdressers with me?

[cadelaide]

She has made this summer holiday a misery for us all because of the way she treats DS1,9. She is horribly mean to him all of the time (and I mean all of the time)and has an ongoing campaign to undermine his confidence.

Now, obviously there are reasons for this (jealousy, middle-child syndrome etc) and we're working on those, but I have to say we don't seem to be getting anywhere. I need help, though, with my plans for today.

I have a hairdressers appt and DS1 will spend the hour with DP in our nearby shop, "helping". DD really, really wants to go with them but I have said that I cannot have her sniping at DS1 in the shop. She says she won't, I say it's too late, i've heard that before, she's brought in on herself blahblahetcetc.

Are we doing the right thing, or should we be giving her a chance to show she can be nice to DS? (She won't, I'm sure, she's had chances before. DP will have to bring her 100yds to hairdresser when she misbehaves, pretty disruptive and unprofessional).

I've lost track, I don't know how to deal with her, she's been lying on the floor whining and wailing for the last 1/2 hr, what do I do?

give her one last chance and tell her that if she misbehaves with DP then you will confiscate (whatever she LOVES) for 2 days. Tell her you will not tolerate this behaviour anymore and she will not be allowed to do (whatever) for the rest of the day.

AND STICK TO IT.

I would do as you have said, I think to back down now would not be a good idea!
But I would also say that if she can prove she can be well behaved with you now, then next time you would let her go.
I would try to make her time with you a bit more fun for her though. Is there anyway you can reward her today if she is well behaved for you when you were out? A girly thing, just you and her? Maybe make it into a girly time out for you and her, while the men do the "boring" work thing? Emphasise the "boring".
I think I will be you in a few years, my dd is the middle child, and I can see it all ahead of me!

Or do what Collision says, Ihave no experience of this (yet)!

Oh thank you both....so much.

I'm at my wit's end, and I'm usually pretty confident with my decisions but I feel like I've lost my way on this one. Nothing seems to work with her, and it saddens me, I hate to see my sweet girl like this.

She is old enough to understand that there are consequences with her behaviour and she needs to see that you will carry out these consequences and that she would be better off all round to do as she is told!

....and if she is well behaved then she will be rewarded.

What else do you have planned for the day?

could you do something nice with her even if it was just painting your nails and doing her hair ??

its just a phase im sure but if i were you i would let ds go to work with your dp and take dd to the hairdressers as you have already said - perhaps buy her a comic to read whilst there but you know we had to accompany our parents on boring trips i think children need to learn the day isnt centred round them.

good luck

I think that she has to go with you, with the promise that if she shows she can behave well whilst she is there, then she can get to do what she wants (ie go to the shop) another time.

Engage her - ask her to choose something to take with her to do - ds, book, comic etc. Be positive about it, even in the face of her negativity.

Definitely don't let her go to the shop.

OK, she's coming with me.

I'm confident she'll be good in the hairdressers, it's only DS1 that she's spiteful to and it's so subtle much of the time. Nasty looks, mumbled comments, ignoring his innocent questions......it's ruined my summer tbh and today I feel close to tears of despair.

That sounds ridiculously dramatic doesn't it?, but I'm sure you understand the feeling

Actually i don't know why i put a grin emoticon, i really, really do feel like crying.

and.......

She was an absolute love. Sat with her baby brother for the whole hour and entertained him, read to him. This is what I expected, tbh. (She was rewarded).

It's her older brother that she's nasty to, and I woke to the sound of them screaming at one another this morning. He usually manages to ignore her jibes, but I think he's had enough.

Anyway....thanks for asking collision, and my immediate dilemma was resolved.