Saying Yes to No

[beattrixpotter]

I have just read soom googled info about how to say yes to your child but meaning no.

For example Chld wants candy from a store. You want to just say No he cant have it. The positive way to let him know this is to say things like Yes you can have candy after dinner time etc.

I do do this quite alot but as they are getting older they realise that i am now not buying the candy from the store so that they can have it later. They are also remembering that i said they can have candy after lunch and i still do not want them to. I am now starting to say mummy does not have the pennies for candy and think that too would be an ever lasting reaction later on in life. This is only an example of a scenario.

I have friends that always say yes to things and let them have their chosen activity, their chosen toy, their chosen sweat etc. Their kids are better behaved than mine. I do have a very strong willed child and am currenlty under a pead but between appointments is so very long to wait to see wahts next. I have read so many books too. Any suggestions from any one that has had long term effects ie someone tried something 7 years ago and are seeing the benefits or just anyone with some stories would be great.

Why not try saying no and meaning no? By sticking to it.

All people have to understand that at some point they cannaot have what they want.

Not being facetious, I promise.

This sounds like an odd tactic to me. Why lie to your child to distract them from the current issue? Fine, if you do allow them to have the candy after lunch, but why do it if you don't intend to follow through on your promise?

I think you can mitigate a No with some explanation why - I don't have the pennies; it's too near teatime; they aren't good for you - whatever. There's also the argument of picking your battles and saying yes when it doesn't really matter. But when it does matter, you just need to be firm and consistent and calm with your refusal.

I think that saying yes when you have not intention of following through on it is worse than just saying no in the first place.

Children don't like to be on the receiving end of the word no, but I think honesty is always the best policy. You don't always have to say no. But when you do you mean it. You don't always have to say yes, but when you do you meant it.

Sounds simple and fair, right? Because it is!

What what what? This is a mad idea, you should just say No and mean it! Far simpler and fairer/

My toddler has no concept of time....

i have been doing this now for the past six months and it has improved his behaviour. But before this i said no with an explanation because the behaviour was so bad. pre schools, peads, physco, etc told me to use this 2nd tactic. I also told them exactly what you have all said that i did not want to do it so i reluctantly did it. I also went on a positive parenting class and under 5's parenting course which they sent me on. But i never forgot one woman who sat at the back saying that she always told her child no and that she was not going to change this and the teacher just did not like it. my dad was a compulsive liar and i feel so strongly about any type of lieing. But because it did help the behaviour i thought that maybe i was wrong. But clearly i was not.