4 yo still pooing in pants

[Rossco]

My ds is 4 and still won't do a poo in the toilet. We are visitied by a paediatric nurse every 4/6 weeks and my HV is aware of the 'problem'. The nurse and HV don't seem overly concerned about it and I know there are far worse problems he could have but it really gets me down. He knows he needs to go so picks his moment, disappears to lie on one of the beds face down and goes which means bed needs stripped and changed and he needs stripped and changed.

I try not to make a big deal it but to be honest I could scream! Does anyone have any ideas? He's not scared of the toilet, he's dry day and night (except when he poos) and an average happy 4yo.

what happens if you follow him and stop him lying on the bed?

Do his paediatric problems have any bearing?

He seems to wait until we are all distracted and disappears. He did it a while ago while I was on the phone. Last time I was filling the dishwasher..

He doesn't have paediatric problems the nurse is there to help teach him about pooing lol

But if you kept an eye on him and followed him could you persuade him to sit on the toilet or does he point blank refuse?

what happens at school?

If I follow him or stop him in time he just holds on until and opportunity presents itself for him to lie on a bed. I have caught him before and made a game of going to the toilet and getting his seat put on and he'll sit there no problems but won't do anything.

He doesn't go at all at nursery. He did once and I think the fuss that was made (he was carried to the toilets on the seat he was sitting on) has put him off even thinking about it there.

Is he starting school in Sept?

And I take it you've done the calm, "Do you know one day you'll surprise me and poo in the toilet. And then we'll have to buy a power-ranger, go to the zoo..." - well whatever floats his boat.

He doesn't start school for another year (we're in Scotland) he started his pre school nursery year yesterday.

I have tried all the bribery and corruption going and all the tips and tricks the nurse has given me. She even has a certifacte all ready made with his choice of a big red tractor on it that says "Congratulations you did a poo in the toilet" on it that he'll get when he does it. He can tell you where poo goes once its in the toilet, how its made, everything but he just won't poo out of his pants! Lovely topic huh?

Do you think it's a form of manipulation on his part?

Maybe pre nursery will help, peer pressure is a powerful force.

I don't know about manipulation but there is ds4 who I will be starting to potty train in the very near future and I don't know if it will help or hinder ds3. Perhaps when he sees his little brother doing the toilet in the toilet he will want to be the same?

Just as long as he is pooing in the loo by the time he starts school in 12 months time!

hmmm..does he explain why he wont?

Ds1 was like this. It was related to constipation in his case and of course holding on to it till it was "convenient" to poo (i.e no one looking!) made it worse
In the end we gave him a mild laxative so he couldn't hold it in, then watched him like a hawk and made him sit on the toilet as soon as we could see he was pooing. After a couple of days it was sorted.

He won't tell us why he does it in his pants if I ask he just shakes his head.

chipmonkey I'd do that but he's not constipated, however, its something to think about

I had similar problem with my two boys. Started toilet training at 2 and in the end they were trained at 3, took a year to get them to poo in toilet. Drove me to distraction. Tried all the normal,sweeties for incentives, shouting, everything, to no avail. Think it became a bit of a power stuggle in the end. So they were really into planes and battleships at the time so i bought a huge battle ship/aircraft carrier thing gave them it, then showed them the 20 different jets and copters etc that went with it, then put them out of reach but visible in the kitchen. Told them poo in toliet get to choose a toy. Next day - toilet trained!!!! Wish id thought of it sooner!

pull ups while you help him sort the psychological barrier?

Phone the ERIC helpline?

www.eric.org.uk/

and read through their pages.

It sounds as though he can't poo in a sitting position? Not an unusual problem.

I would put a hook and eye on all the bedroom doors (temporarily!) so he can't get access to a bed.

Tell him the great poo story about the lost and lonely poo who cried and cried because all his friends went down the fantastically fun waterslide know as a toilet to the lovely sewage farm (emphasis FARM!) in the green countryside. And tell him that all poos long to go there - mummy's do, daddy's do - but OH DEAR! blah blah blah...

And do the reward/sticker chart thing about firstly lying on the bathroom floor on a towel to poo - clever boy, well done, so wonderful etc etc

Then do the reward/sticker chart sitting on the toilet AFTER he's done a poo - not to poo but just to sit there looking clever.

Then sitting on tolet before the poo holding the towel he's going to poo on in a minute

then encourage him to poo on the toilet.

It'll take a long time but it might all work.