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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Nursery are concerned because my son is "shy" and "quiet"

19 replies

FineFigureFio · 16/02/2005 10:58

I just have no idea what to do about it?

He is a mouthy little so and so at home and when he is out with me or his Dad

Just confused as what to do, any advice appreciated

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

misdee · 16/02/2005 10:59

how long has he been there?

amynnixmum · 16/02/2005 10:59

How long has he been at nursery?

Twiglett · 16/02/2005 11:00

does he have friends at nursery? is he new there? how old is he?

can you invite a few of the nursery kids (the ones he seems he could bond with) round for a few playdates ..let him get to know them on his own terms

once he has a group of kids he's very comfortable with he might come out of his shell

Original poster

FineFigureFio · 16/02/2005 11:00

LOL since september, he only went for two sessions before christmas and now he goes 5 mornings a week

OP posts:

Original poster

FineFigureFio · 16/02/2005 11:01

he says he has two friends at nursery but I dont know their Mums, we only moved here last year and I dont know many people at all. He is 3 yrs and 3 months

OP posts:

amynnixmum · 16/02/2005 11:02

I don't see why being shy and quiet is a problem then - he may just be adjusting to going more often. Can you ask them to explain why they are concerned?

Sponge · 16/02/2005 11:03

How old is he Fio?
Loads of kids are quiet and shy when they're little and in relatively new or unfamiliar situations. He hasn't been going that long or that often so he might stil be wary of the whole thing.
Surely its their job to find things he enjoys doing and ways of bringing him out of himself.
Is he old enough to ask him about it?

Chandra · 16/02/2005 11:04

Mine likes to mind his own business during the mornings, when the nursery is a bit "crowded". Once the number of children decreases he has no problem in interacting with other children and I can hear him laughing from the front door. I think he is a bit like me, prefers small intimate groups that crowdy places . Any possibility of your DS beeing the same?

Chandra · 16/02/2005 11:05

Emoticon! go away!!!

Original poster

FineFigureFio · 16/02/2005 11:05

he actually told me that he doesnt talk at nursery. I never thought to ask why, I just said you are allowed to talk there xxxxx and left it at that. Started to feel like I should have done something earlier

He is very clingy to me and tbh he hasnt wanted to go to nursery but does seem to go off there easier now, I personally think it will just take time

I feel i am analysing too much because of dd's special needs and maybe this is making him less confident, I dunno

OP posts:

Original poster

FineFigureFio · 16/02/2005 11:06

Chandra, me and my husband are quiet and I dont like busy places tbh!

OP posts:

Miaou · 16/02/2005 11:07

There's nothing wrong with being quiet or shy, but "withdrawn" is another matter ... could you draw out some examples from them to establish exactly what's worrying them?

FWIW, dd1 (now 7.5) was and is very quiet and shy, which never worried us (or carers), but when she started school at 4 she became withdrawn, which worried us considerably! She used to stand in the playground and hug the fence and turn away from the other children, and cry with anxiety (poor thing). She soon settled down and joined in but it took a term or so. Obviously she was older and this was school ... erm, beginning to wonder if that was at all relevant ...

Twiglett · 16/02/2005 11:07

so .. write a note with your phone number and get the teachers to pop it in their book bags .. introduce yourself, pick a date in a week or so and invite them round for a playdate and parents for a coffee (find out if parents work ..maybe from teacher ... and if they do you could do it on a weekend)

amynnixmum · 16/02/2005 11:08

Get them to clarify why they are concerned about him being shy and quiet.

Original poster

FineFigureFio · 16/02/2005 11:10

oh gawd does this mean I have to socialise with other mothers

no they havent said he withdrawn, just quiet when in a group, but 1-2-1 with the ladies (dunno what they are called!) he chats to them apparently. But they are thinking he cant do things, when he can but is just to shy to show them (?)

OP posts:

Twiglett · 16/02/2005 11:16

it will do you good Fio .. ya miserable ol' bag

Miaou · 16/02/2005 11:20

Golly Fio, I really wouldn't worry about that, sounds like he is totally normal to me! Good that nursery are alert to his personality, but I think that that is something that will change and develop in time.

Dh and I are also fairly quiet and hate socialising, hence where dd1 has got it from! We have NEVER pushed her into interacting more than she wants to, and I'm glad we didn't as she is now finding her own feet. She went through a stage last year of saying "I'm too shy" (more noticeable to her because dd2 is total opposite), but we tell her that it's ok to be herself - IMHO that has made her far more confident than pushing her into social situations would have done.

PS that wasn't a dig at your suggestions Twiglett - just another POV.

Original poster

FineFigureFio · 16/02/2005 12:04

thanks everyone for all your help, I do appreciate it

must try and be more social with other mothers

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scotlou · 16/02/2005 12:32

My ds was exactly the same at nursery - very quiet and shy in groups but on a one to one thing he was fine. It took until his final 3 months there for him to come out of his shell - and he became quite boisterous! He's settled fine at school and does not seem so quiet there (he has to get moved quite often for talking to his friend!) I wouldn't worry about it.

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