HELP - GOING BACK TO WORK ISN'T WORKING!

[zena1981]

I am now in my third week back to work three days a week and have arranged a nanny share for my 6 month old baby girl at a friends house just around the corner from my home with another baby boy her age.
We carefully selected a nanny and i arranged for her to start work in advance of my return to work in order for my daughter to get used to her and for me to be reassured that all was well prior to my return to work. However, things have not been going well. My daughter cries ALL day and nothing can seem to console her. Neighbours have commented on the amount of crying and have even raised their concerns about my daughter. When i return from work and hold her, she is absolutely fine and smiling and i have not noticed her behave differently towards me (i.e she does not seem to be angry with me).

My nanny is finding it very hard work trying to constantly calm her down alongside looking after another baby and she has said that she can no longer care for my daughter.

I am very stressed as i am trying to settle back into work but cannot think about anything other my daughter crying and being upset all day.
I am not sure what to do...........Is it that my nanny is not giving it enough of a chance to improve and will finding a new nanny to care for just my daughter alone help?, or does this mean that i realistically should not return to work as my daughter is obviously very upset and it may be damaging her on some deep psychological level?

I am so torn and just want what is best for my daughter, however, i will need to return to work at some point and will delaying it just make it harder?

I would appreciate any advice people have to give from those who have experience of this situation.

Thanks.

What a stressful situation for you. Have you tried having the nanny looking after both babies in your own home instead of at your friends? Might be worth a try before giving up the nanny share idea?

Personally I would delay going back to work. if that's a real possibility for you?
delaying things won't necessarily make it harder, she may be suffering from separation anxiety which will pass. sometimes it just isn't the right time for them to be with someone else for so long.

I'm not surprised hte nanny is finding it hard - Childmiders are only allowed one under 1 and two must be very difficult to deal with. How much time did she take beforehand to get to know them and prepare I wonder ?

I think you do need to separate the issues here of the nanny perhaps not being able to cope with what she has taken on and choosing the "easier" option (which may change as the other lo gets older anyway) and your daughter's distress, probably due to perfectly natural separation anxiety which would improve longer term but months rather than weeks.

I went back to work 3 days a week, and after investigating the nanny option I found that a nursery was actually cheaper, and we have a superb one very close to us so we are very fortunate. Do you have that as an option you can explore? Pluses are there are several carers, not just one that might not gel with your daughter, lots of stimulation and things to do, loads of other children to play with etc...