Those of you with confident, outgoing, chatty DC's - please can you tell me why you think they are that way?

[josben]

I have 3 DC's age 7, 6 and 2. My 7 and 6 year old DS's are quite 'shy' and can be very quiet when they are with unfamiliar people (eg friends we've not seen for a while) Infact their behaviour is a bit inappropriate sometimes - (eg not wanting to talk, clinging on to me , from the 6 year old mostly...)

I just wonder if I have mollycoddled them and inhibited them by wanting them to be 'good boys' too much...?

Does anyone have any suggestions of what could i do to help this situation???

My DD is the most outgoing child I have ever met - and I have done nothing to make her like this, I am also really really shy myself, I think they are just how they are, if you know what I mean

My 'outgoing chatty' ds is that way because he is DESPERATE for company - he is an only, and v lonely at times. Not a good thing.

6 is quite young to be able to hang out with strange children IMO. How long does it take them to relax into it? A couple of days? A few hours? I bet they get there in the end. Very normal. It's really only a few years since it's been at all normal for children of 6 or 7 to meet loads of strange people all the time and get on with them. Much more normal to prefer their own circle.

I was v v outgoing and chatty as a child but clammed up at puberty, like a lot of people. It all evens out in the end.

no idea but ds2 is very chatty whillst the other 3 are not

random genetics methinks

I am she, dh is not at all

DS1 aged 5 v shy, DS2 aged 4 v social and outgoing, DS3 20 weeks: who knows how he will turn out?? I think they are all the way they are. In fact it is one of the best things of having had more than one child: to see how different they all are, good and "bad" bits both.

Well, yes I know what you mean... These things often do even out inthe end...

They can be more shy with adults rather than with otherchildren... i think i possibly worry too much about it ....

I wouldn't have thought your parenting is to blame for them being shy. To be honest, if they have some friends and are able to comunicate with you, I don't find it strange that they are shy with strangers. Me and my brother were exactly the same, sometimes coming accross as rude as we just couldn't think of anything to say and were too scared to make a fool of ourselves. My sister on the other hand was always confident and a fab communicator. In our case, our confidence grew with age and a lot of kids are shy who turn out to be confident adults.

Don't blame yourself. I'd rather have a sensible, clingy, quiet child than an intimidating show off.

You haven't mollycoddled them, it's most likely just their personality, for now but I'm sure it will change.

my parents didn't socialise much when i was young and i do think i missed out on how to talk to people. have found out for myself of course but ds meets loads of people with us, family, friends, cm etc so is far more relaxed with it. as choosyfloosy points out, this may not last.

also i was really astonished when visiting someone who was out the other day, her teenage son (who had never met me before) sat me down, offered tea etc and then engaged me in conversation until she arrived. wow i wouldn't have done that at his age.

Luck.

Also, possibly, meeting his needs for lots of touch, attention, holding, 'mollycoddling' when he is in that sort of mood (also, when he was younger, extended BF, carrying in sling etc). I don't believe that you make children shy by giving them love and attention.

No I do agree that children need lots of love and attention to become happy secure adults.

I suppose that when I do look at friends with more confident DC's - Some of these friends have either put their DC's in to nursery full time or there are a couple who are quite 'hard' IMO and also quite competitive mums....

But I also agree that it sometimes comes down to luck,... and perhaps birth order? DD1 age 2 is the third born and she is very outgoing and will approach anyone with hugs abd kisses!!