13 month old dd is now pulling out her hair, can't cope - help....

[mamachat]

I think I need a super nanny type person to come into my home and help me get things on track with dd. She is ruling my whole life.

She wakes every 1-2 hours through out the night. Is very clingly especially when other people are around. Hates the pram and wants to be carried all the time. I have recently got her used to the pram but still goes crazy in the pram when she fanicies it.

Also wants to bf all the time for comfort more than anything else.. She has got such a bad temper she has now started pulling out her hair in a rage...

I have had enough, I cannot deal with all these problems alone and wish I had a supernanny to help me sort out the problems. Does anyone know of someone that can offer this kind of service that is not too expensive?

first get reigns, so she can sit up in the pram, or sell it and get a pushchair.
a dummy, not the best thing, but if she needs to suck, then needs must when the devil drives, then, try controlled sleeping for the night waking, even if it means having a couple of weeks of work/sending dh to sleep at someone elses house. BUT, tackle one thing at a time.

Is she walking yet? You may find the clinginess and some of the other stuff eases off as she gets more mobile

re: bfing, does distraction work?

agree, deal with one prob at a time. Which is the most stressful for you? If it's the sleep (and DS was waking every couple of hours at 13 mo, it's foul) then tackle that (not nec solve it but make things easier for yourself). 13 mo was a(nother) major unsettled time for DS, has she got worse recently?

Have a break whenever you can, call in any favours, get your partner to take over whenever possible.

She can sit up it is a normal push chair which can lie down or push up... Tried a dummy, she had one when born but midwives kept on at me to take it off her so I did not really regrette it. Shoot the midwives... lol

I am newely single so have no dp to send else where and feel weak at the moment to sort out sleeping problems alone...

She is not walking yet but crawls really fast, she leaves me when she wants to but when she wants any comfort atall she is very clingly...

Re: bf I have managed a few days of only feeding before 9am and after 7pm. On bad days I give in and bf maybe 2 more times in the afternoon for comfort.

I find when we are alone and I do not have things I have to do I can manage to distract her for longer. Then I have to go out walking with the pram for 2hours so she can sleep. as only way I can get her to sleep is pram, car or bf... If the pram or car stops she will wake up after a short time unless in a real deep sleep.. But I don't mind as exercise is good, but dreading winter...

Although 13 months feels quite old, she's still a little baby really. She's meant to rule your life just now.

This may be totally unhelpful, in which case disregard it, but how do you feel about giving yourself permission to tend to her needs as much as she wants? You may find that by responding to her clinginess by being there for her when she needs you and allowing her to BF when she wants, fall asleep as she wishes etc she will develop confidence by herself.

I'm talking from experience - DS is the same age as your DD and he is hard going much of the time. I share a lot of 'problems' with you - he can't fall asleep without a feed or some sort of intervention from me, he wants to feed loads sometimes, he too can throw a mega strop when he wants to. I got myself in a state when I was thinking of all the things as problems that needed to be solved.

Now I look at them as part of his development, and know that they will pass in time like everything does. If he wants to feed I feed him - he'll grow out of it. If he won't go to sleep I let him have a BF. If he's feeling clingy I carry him (sling is great for this). He wakes all the time so he shares my bed at night. I know it will get better in time - doesn't stop me getting miserable and fed up and wishing things were easier, but it's a less stressful day-to-day existence when you can be accepting of these things, I find.

I don't know if that will be helfpul or just too far removed from what you feel is best for you, but it helped me a lot. I would also suggest you ask for support from friends and family - I think people often forget how hard and exhausting it can be, especially as your baby gets older.

I just really do no want to be still feeding dd when 2 or 4. I think 13months is long enough to bf, if othe people want to do it longer that is fine but I really want to stop.

I am glad dd is so loving etc with me and I do often feel we are meant to be this close as we are still like one person but I would like us to break away a little so i can breath..

Its just that everyones else dc seem to be much more relaxed than mine and it is such hard work.;..