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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

has anyone done the staying in bed tecnique used by supernanny?

16 replies

lizandlulu · 11/08/2008 16:35

i am going to give this a go, but want to do it right.

dd is 2.9 and things have gone from me staying with her to go to sleep in her bed, to now not going to sleep anywhere but my bed and staying there all night long.

i know the basic idea, keep taking her back to bed and not saying anything after the third time, but i need a few things clarifying.

she usually going to be anywhere between 7.30 and 9, can i put her to bed at 7.30 and will it still work?

if she says she is scared to be in her room, but wont say why, what do i do about that?

do i have to go downstairs or can i just stay in my room or on the landing?

i do have more questions but i am at work and have got to go.

any help/advice welcome, please!

OP posts:

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Overmydeadbody · 11/08/2008 16:40

Yes make sure it is the same time every night, 7:30 sounds fine, although I might start a bit earlier to give her time to settle.

Saying she's scared is just a tactic she's using to get you to stay. Don't say anything to it.

Of course you don't have to go downstairs.

ellideb · 11/08/2008 16:43

Right here goes, and good luck!

Adopt a bedtime routine, for example, stick to a bedtime of around 7.30pm, have a bath then snuggle up together for a book and a cuddle.

Say goodnight, kisses and cuddles and leave.

If she gets up continue with the routine that you already know and perserveer. if she complains of being frightened you can have a quick look for 'monsters' or gice her a squirty bottle full of water and call it 'monster spray' or such and that it stops monsters when sprayed around.

Don't give into her tears, tantrums or requests for toilet/drink/cuddles etc. They are all designed to make you give in. Remain calm, avoid eye contact and conversation. But I think you know all of that anyway.

I would stay hidden from view on the landing or in the next room.

And goodluck.

MrsMattie · 11/08/2008 16:45

Yes, I did this when DS was 2.5 yrs old. I gave him a warning that the next evening he was going to start going to bed 'like a big boy'. That day we went shopping and he chose a new duvet cover and a bedtime toy to make it a bit of an adventure. We started afresh with a new routine of 2 stories, a small drink in bed and then lights out and a lullaby (I explained veery step of the new routine and he seemed to like this). Then I left. He hopped out of bed after a few mins. I put him back. And on and on and on. It took a few nights, but worked surprisingly quickly. Within a week we had cracked it.

Earlybird · 11/08/2008 16:47

Ah - I read this title and assumed it meant the Mum was staying in bed to drive home a point to her children!

Flibbertyjibbet · 11/08/2008 16:56

We we try this every night. Every night for the past 12 months nearly.

Ds's are 2 and 3 now and share a little room (2 bed house).

They work in shifts to keep getting out of bed.

A typical evening starts after their bath and story, about 8.30pm

1st time - back to bed goodnight darling time for bed,
2nd time - goodnight darling
3rd time - say nothing
33rd time - say nothing
103rd time - say nothing
1003rd time - say nothing

If one is in bed the other is out.

2003rd time, by now its 10.30 and we are exhausted from going up and down stairs, I'm bored of sitting on the landing doing sodoku/reading when I have other stuff to do, but by now they tend to start crashing out and actually going to sleep.

It would be easier to just put them upstairs and let them run about and play till they are exhausted but when we tried this they trashed the bedrooms, bounced on our bed, emptied bottles down the sink...

Yet in the day time people contstantly comment on how good and well mannered they are ARGHGHGHG!!!

So maybe supernanny works for some people, but not for me with 2 and 3 yo ds's encouraging each other, and from a thread the other night, not for custardos 2 boys either.

Anyway OP - good luck, don't let me put you off

Flibbertyjibbet · 11/08/2008 16:58

Oh and mine haven't had naps for ages in the day time, have at least an hour of running around outside and lots of active indoor stuff, and they get up fresh as daisies at 7.30 each morning.

Original poster

lizandlulu · 11/08/2008 17:03

my dd doesnt sleep in the daytime either, she hasnt for about 8 months. she staqrted off being ready for bed at 7 on the dot, sometimes earlier, but she has drawn it out to ridiculous lenghts and i am so mad at myself for letting it happen, but you dont realise how much impact it has when you do it just one time. let her in my bed just this once

i am goign to try this tomorrow night as i dont work on wednesdays, but am going away at the weekend on my own. do you think that will put her back to square one? she is going to stay at my in laws which is over an hour away so will sleep on the way there, so she can stay up late the she gets there. i dont mind that, but just worried that will put her back when she gets home

OP posts:

Original poster

lizandlulu · 11/08/2008 17:04

she is really strong willed and short tempered and am worried that she will stick it out longer than i will

i cant imagine this being an easy evening.

OP posts:

bythepowerofgreyskull · 11/08/2008 17:09

Hi LizandLulu are you on your own? if so do you have a friend who could come and stay for a few nights to give you moral support?

I think that most of these things work on tv because the person "being strong" has a huge amount of emotional support from the Supper nanny type person.

I would change things round a little, make sure she has had a wee last thing before she gets into bed, make sure you have sprayed some lavender water (fairy spray) into her room to keep it calm and safe and smelling nice (ie no monsters)
Have you tried gradual withdrawal technique? We did rapid return with DS1 but am finding that impossible with DS2 and we are going with the leaving the room gradually and quietly.

Good luck, goodness know if you get this cracked you can do anything

Original poster

lizandlulu · 11/08/2008 17:22

i live with dh and my parents so have plenty of people with me, but no one will be that good at supporting me i dont think. they dont usually.

i have tried staying with her till she sleeps, but again she dragged it out and if she woke up in the night on her own, she would then come into our bed and i wouldnt take her back which is how all this started really.

she used to lay there with her eyes closed so you would think she was asleep, but as soon as you moved she would snap awake and it would start all over again.

i hope this staying in bed thing will snap her out of waking in the night too.

OP posts:

fizzbuzz · 11/08/2008 17:34

Oh Flibbertygibbert, they sound horrendous! But very very amusingly written LOL

I have one of these as well, it is driving me mad. We just got her sorted, went on holiday and back to square frigging one again. AND she has started doing it in the middle of the night for 3 hour so hours.

Feel very tempted to tie her into bed, but that would make me evil mother!

Original poster

lizandlulu · 11/08/2008 17:37

my dh has been sleeping in her bed for the last 2 nights cause now she says that his side is her side.

he says we should gaffer tape her to the bed.

OP posts:

Flibbertyjibbet · 11/08/2008 19:26

Are you calling my darling boys horrendous

Lizandlulu, ds1 can keep things up longer than me. The other week dp was working really late. Ds1 and I had a standoff for over 2 hours at tea time. It was horrendous but I WON.

All it was over, was that I would not put TinyPop channel on because he was being naughty over something else and I said when he said sorry to mummy he could have the tv on. He had such a tantrum, screaming, crying so he could hardly breathe. He just refused to say sorry, kept screaming 'TINY POPPPPPPPPP' at me (Poor ds2 went to do a jigsaw upstairs) I kept saying 'say sorry to mummy and I'll put the telly on'.

After 2 hours 10 mins he said Sorry in the tiniest little voice imaginable.

Since then whenever I say 'say sorry to mummy' for something, he does it straight away even without the tv for an incentive.

I know I have probs getting them to stay in bed but once they are in there they do sleep through and very rarely wake up in the night.

fizzbuzz · 11/08/2008 19:46

No not your boys! The situation..you have all my sympathies!

Notice there is a small debate on here about whether to stay upstairs or go downstairs. I have to stay upstairs until dd is asleep. She will give in (after about 2 hours) and stay in bed and quieten down eventually. This is when I make my mistake of trying to sneak downstairs....

Cue a little voice "Whereyougoinmummy" and so the whole merry dance starts again! She is like the troll on the 3 Billy Goats Gruff, no one can get past here.

Right here we go, 7.45pm, and time to start our regular nghttime routine of back to bed. Screaming and the thud of a small person getting out of bed from upstairs..........

Flibbertyjibbet · 11/08/2008 19:56

Yup, 7.55 I am just bracing myself...

DP won't be home till late so I can't even call on the cavalry for support! And the little tinkers KNOW IT

Original poster

lizandlulu · 11/08/2008 20:27

i am going to have to leave it for this week and try it next week. i am going to a virgin vie party on wednesday night and slimming world thursday night, then she will be away saturday night. i think it will probably be no use this week.

at least next week i will be here all week apart from thurs when dh can take over.

OP posts:

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