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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Better to be at nursery for two mornings a week or bored at home with me?

26 replies

sunshine17 · 08/08/2008 19:53

Please tell me what you think:

DD2 is 5 weeks old and I'm BF'ing, poor DD1 who is 19months old is getting so bored hanging about the house with us as we can't just get up and go like we did before the baby was born.

I've been mulling over and over again in my mind if she should go to the local nursery for two mornings a week to give her some kind of interaction with other people.

She goes to my mum two mornings a week and loves it - she is the sort of child that thrives the more people she has around her although this tends to be adults, when kids come round they seem to always get in a strop with each other over toys etc. and it generally ends in tears.

The thing that is putting me off is all the stuff you here about how bad it is to leave kids at nursery before they are 3 etc etc.

Does anyone else's kids love nursery more than being at home? or do you think she wouldn't get more out of nursery than being at home at this stage.

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ajm200 · 08/08/2008 19:56

Are there any mums and toddlers groups you could take her to? I taken my 20 month old to two and he loves them. I'm planning to continue when the new baby arrives and have bought a sling to carry baby in. I'll also BF in the sling if I can, otherwise I'll just have to brave it. It's the sort of environment where no-one will mind and I can't face the thought of being stuck at home for weeks on end

Original poster

sunshine17 · 08/08/2008 20:05

There aren't any really close but there are some that I could travel too and yes I looked into that this week but they all seemed to be closed for the summer hols

It's just when I try and get out and about like we used to AND breatfeed it all goes wrong - DD1 gets frustrated with me that I can't do anything with her and too be honest I find it a real effort to BF whilst doing activies - my milk always seems to go low on the days I've tried it.

I guess I'm just looking for someone to say - hey don't feel guilty for pointing your baby into nursery which I guess I will anyway! I think the toddler group suggestion is definately worth a go come September.

OP posts:

pointydog · 08/08/2008 20:08

If going to nursery is purely optional, why not set up a trial period and if for some reason she's not happy after a couple of months you can easily stop it. I don't see a problem here.

pointydog · 08/08/2008 20:08

and don't feel guilty!

Wade · 08/08/2008 20:09

I've found some toddler/baby groups that stay open during summer holidays. Those run by surestart/childrens centres and those at local leisure centres.

Ineedsomesleep · 08/08/2008 20:11

If the toddler groups are closed, is there an NCT group or La Leche League or even a Baby Cafe nearby?

halia · 08/08/2008 20:11

nursery

Original poster

sunshine17 · 08/08/2008 20:13

I'll have a look into that Wade, cheers.

Yes optional thing could be an option! altough she will definatly have to go to nursery for some of the time next summer when I go back to work and was concerned that if I took her out of nursery because she didn't like it then it would be doubly worse when she HAD to go next year.

mmmm - just want the best for her and also feeling bad for not being able to spend the time I did before DD2 was born. I'm telling myself she will have a playmate when her sister is older but doesn't help know when she gets so upset with me for not being able to play - she points at the baby to go back into the crib when I'm feeding her now!

OP posts:

voiceoffriesian · 08/08/2008 20:15

Hi
My dd is 9mo and I'm due to go back to work in a couple of weeks. She hasn't really been away from me as I don't have any parents etc to leave her with so I was dreading taking her to nursey. She has gone for the last week for a couple of hours at a time and loves it. I would give it a go, if neither of you like it you can always stop going. I can't see how it will adversely affect your childs upbringing.

elfsmummy · 08/08/2008 20:18

My DD goes to nursery 2 mornings a week (she's 2.3) for exactly the reasons you described. I started her when I found out that I was pregnant as I was very sick all through the pregnancy.

She adores it. The only problem we have now is her wanting to go back to nursery if anything upsets her at home!

That said, things will get simpler with the feeding. DD2 will get more efficent and feed quicker etc (my DD2 is 16 weeks) She gets fed anywhere - even on the roundabout at the park!

It can't hurt to try it out. DD1 took about 4 weeks to stop crying when she was dropped off (she was always fine once DH had left!)

MissKubelik · 08/08/2008 20:19

why not? if you're really struggling then it sounds like a good solution, especially if you can find a good nursery recommended by someone you trust. You can always stop if she doesn't like it - I doubt it will affect her going to nursery next year, she will be so much older and probably have forgotten all about it by then.

The only issue I can see with it is that it is quite expensive. If I were you I would try the toddler group options first, if only because it will save you a fair amount of money!

SpecialOffer · 08/08/2008 20:20

My son is 13 months, and is at nursery for 2 days a week, as I work. he loves the interaction there and the activities. If my dp is at home he woudl still drop him at nursery for half a day as he loves it so much. Give it a go!

ANTagony · 08/08/2008 20:21

My husband walked out when my DS was 18months and I'd always said I'd never put my kids in nursery - how arrogant I was. I needed space to sort out the rest of my life and work and put him in for mornings. A year on now he has absolutely thrived. It brought on his language and general communication, independence, understanding of the world and gave him his own set of friends of his own age and peer group. Initially I didn't know how long it would be for but now I'm so glad I did it.

It can be a brilliant experience it has been for me and my son. Go with your instincts - you can always cancel if you're not happy.

herbgarden · 08/08/2008 20:28

DS has always been a clingy child- he's now 25 months and he's been at nursery since 10 mnonths for 2 days a week whilst I'm at work. As he's got older he loves it even more and happily trots in there. I don't feel guilty if we don't do much on my days off other than chores as I know he's been really stimulated and had lots of fun for 2 days - I'd say go for it - she may hate it to begin with but might grow to love it and sounds like you might really benefit from a little time on your own with dc2.

EustaciaVye · 08/08/2008 20:31

Could you see if your local leisure centre has a creche? You could put her in for 1 hour once or twice a week oveer the summer holidays and see how she gets on. You and baby could relax with a cuppa too.

meglet · 08/08/2008 20:39

My DS is 21 months and has been at nursery just one morning a week since 16 months, took him about 4 sessions to settle in. I have started maternity leave (due in 3 weeks) and he is continuing to go there as he will have far more fun than being at home with me and a baby. He loves it and gets really excited when we get to the door and charges off so fast I barely have time to give him a kiss goodbye.

You can always try it, if she doesn't like it then she can stop.

watershed · 08/08/2008 20:43

I found it really hard with a new baby when ds1 was 20 months. I had the same issue with finding breast feeding hard and dividing my attention between the two was (and still is if i'm honest) a real challange (they are now 18 months and 3). In the end ds1 carried on on going to my mums while i was on maternity leave(she looks after my kids while I work). Now ds1 is older, he goes to nursery every morning even though I only work 3 full days a week, so I have time to myself or time with ds2 on the other 2 days. My husband doesn't help and is often not around at weekends so I look after both kids on my own then too. I do feel a bit guilty about the nursery thing but I realise I am lucky to be able to afford it as I really seem to need it to do a reasonable parenting job the rest of the time (i hope!).

Shoegazer · 08/08/2008 20:54

My DD 2.1 goes to nursery 2 monring a week and she loves it! Always comes home telling me all about what she got to do with the "ladies" (nursery nurses). Agree that you could give it a trial

watershed · 08/08/2008 21:22

Yes, I should also add that DS1 absolutely loves nursery, plays well with other children and has a healthy self esteem, partly I'm sure as a consequence of being happy with his varied schedule!

Original poster

sunshine17 · 09/08/2008 19:25

Thanks everyone for all of this positive feedback - you've made me feel so much better about the nursery thing / guilty mum feelings - I'm going to go for it and as you say - can always stop if she hates it.
x

OP posts:

SazzlesA · 09/08/2008 19:32

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Original poster

sunshine17 · 09/08/2008 19:42

This is also an option, however I think my mum would be really offended for reasons I can't explain, I know she would feel guilty that she isn't have DD1 more (which she can't practically as she isn't that young anymore) if I sent her to a childminder.

Have you noticed that when you get a few Grandma's in a group they can be more competitive than mum's!

OP posts:

SazzlesA · 09/08/2008 19:57

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barnsleybelle · 09/08/2008 20:08

My only concern would be that DD1 may feel like she's being shipped off to nursery to make room for baby??? Maybe not, but i think she will gain more at this young age from being around her mum and baby sister. As you know it will get easier and the lessons she will learn from being around you both, ie sharing, waiting etc will be extremely valuable to her.

I have nothing against nurseries and i have many friends who use them and are delighted with them.
However, i feel the timing may not be appropriate to start dd1 when dd2 has only just arrived. At such a young age they usually don't actually play together but alongside each other..

Is the nursery idea more to give yourself a break than what you honestly think is best for her? Nothing wrong with that, it's very very hard in the early days with such short age gap.

Original poster

sunshine17 · 11/08/2008 20:39

Bugger, was going to fill out the forms today then just read your post barnsleybelle....

Problem is I agree with a lot of the points you made - will she feel pushed out? and yes part of it IS to give me a break but part of it is genuinely to give her something more interesting to do rather than watch me cuddle (feed) the baby whilst she has to sadly amuse herself.

Still some thinking to do on this I guess.

OP posts:

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