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Original poster

I can't handle my DCs anymore :(

32 replies

BlueDragonfly · 05/08/2008 20:29

I know its the school hols and everything is harder but i really really can't handle them anymore.

DS1 (5)is punching, kicking , pinching, namecalling, shouting, screaming, being generally cross and negative

DS2 (3) has spent every day in the last week whining and crying and tantrumming the ENTIRE day. His speech probs appear to have got worse because he just will not try to speak now, lots of his speech is just hmmmming.

DS3 (5 months) wants me to feed him every hour night and day and today cried from 12:50 until 3 until i gave up and gave him some baby rice (please don't have a go)

I am trying to point out and praise all the positives they do but when they don't do any its reallyhard. DP working all day and they are often in bed when he comes home, my gran is dying in hospital and i am struggling with ED type urges so have reached the end of my rope

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Tortington · 05/08/2008 20:37

i would serously make an effort to ge to a big open place with a big blanket

not a park - bigger than that - somewhere with a hill

let then run themselves ragged.

youhave a lot on your plate at the moment - try not to be too hard on yourself

babby rice - who gives a fuck - do whateergets you through the day babe - really

Original poster
BlueDragonfly · 05/08/2008 20:39

oh and i forgot to mention that ds2 has night terrors too which went away but seem to have come back.

We moved house recently and we have a garden for the first time ever which has helped as i can shut the door on them to get a few mins

OP posts:
MsDemeanor · 05/08/2008 20:42

Is your middle ds seeing someone for his speech problems? It all sounds very hard. The baby rice is fine. It won't do him any harm, really it won't. If it makes him happy and that gives you a break then shovel it in!

Original poster
BlueDragonfly · 05/08/2008 20:45

he is still under speech therapist yes. Paused his sessions for a while when DS3 was born and will resume in September hopefully. Nursery have agreed to learn some makaton which he seems to have gone back to using more of (he used it and then stopped when he could confidently speak)

I think I underestimated just how much a house move would affect them

I feel fury filled and i hate that i feel this way to my own children.

OP posts:
KT14 · 05/08/2008 20:49

Hugs to you, it all sounds very hard.
Agree with MsDemeanor, if you haven't already, would definitely get your middle DS checked out if what you've described is typical and has been going on for a while. If you've got a sympathetic HV, might be worth calling her for a chat anyway if you're feeling low.
And don't worry about the baby rice, both of mine had it from 4 months and had no probs whatsoever, I used to make it fairly runny with milk and they loved it and it filled them up.
Hope tomorrow is better for you.

Tortington · 05/08/2008 20:50

you will have better days.

AnotherFineMess · 05/08/2008 20:51

"I feel fury filled and i hate that i feel this way to my own children"...

...I empathise. The guilt makes it all so much worse. I felt angry all the time recently but what really helped me to handle these feelings was realising that I wasn't actually angry with my children - I was angry because of sleep deprivation, stress, bereavement etc.

With everything you have going on you will of course feel, so will it help to see your emotions as a natural response to your circumstances rather than a 'nasty' feeling towards your children? And then you can let yourself off the hook a bit?

apostrophe · 05/08/2008 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MsDemeanor · 05/08/2008 21:11

Do go back to the speech therapy. If he's frustrated by his lack of communication he will be much harder to handle and make everything difficult for him, including playing with his brother. Also, I'd wonder if there was an underlying reason for his not speaking. You are doing the classic good mum thing of blaming yourself (ie assuming the house move is the cause) but that's so often just your self-blaming assumption. I think getting him help now will help you all.

Original poster
BlueDragonfly · 05/08/2008 21:14

I can get to GP but would have to take DCs with me and tbh i struggle from time to time anyway. HV has prob gone on maternity leave by now and she would probably hassle me that DS3 has gone downa few lines on the chart (you know, those ones that he can't read so he doesn't know what he "should" be)

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cleversprout · 05/08/2008 21:18

Is there any way you can get one or more of them off your hands for a couple of hours? Family? Friends? Holiday clubs for your eldest? Shoppers creche type places? Don't feel bad about doing this if you can - I have used various clubs etc this hols and it has made life much easier and the kids loved them too. I found that since I had dc3, only having one or two of them for a couple of hours feels so much easier.

MsDemeanor · 05/08/2008 21:18

Go to the GP. really, don't you have any family, friends or neighbours who will take the older boys while you see the GP? Are you sure? Have you tried? I'd never say no, even if I didn't know the person very well. Tbh, you sound as if you might have pnd, which wouldn't be very surprising with all you have to cope with. You need to be frank ith your gp as you deserve help, and so do your kids. Talk to your dh as well. Be honest. You don't know your HV is on maternity leave or that she'd 'hassle' you. You assume those things because you are down. If she is on ML someone else will be there.

Original poster
BlueDragonfly · 05/08/2008 21:18

Sorry MsD, X posts

There is nothing available in summer, the speech and language team work term times as far as i know.

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MsDemeanor · 05/08/2008 21:20

Hi, yes, they might well do, but get in touch anyway. You never know. Is he really not speaking at all now? Did the speech therapist ever indicate what she thought his speech problems were all about? Has he seen any other professionals?
His tantrums etc do sound like frustration. Miserable for him and very hard work for you. Do you have any help at all?

cleversprout · 05/08/2008 21:21

I don't think speech therapists work only term times. It is a common misconception that they are employed by school but they are employed by NHS. They sometimes run summer groups.

MsDemeanor · 05/08/2008 21:21

My ds is having Occupational Therapy in the holidays, by the way.

posieflump · 05/08/2008 21:23

sorry to be coarse but what are your finances like?
If you can afford it I would seriously think about childcare for the eldest two part of the week in the summer - play schemes, a couple of hours a day for the 3 year old at a nursery etc

SilkCutMama · 05/08/2008 21:26

Darling - it sounds really miserable for you at the moment

Just remember:

CBeebies - good
Takeaway for you as a treat - good (Or choc, or other such goodie!)
Asking for help - good
Taking the help - even better

I wish you strength and a calmer day tomorrow

Pitchounette · 05/08/2008 21:27

Message withdrawn

Original poster
BlueDragonfly · 05/08/2008 21:28

oh dear many x posts!

I was diagnosed as having PND but thought i had got a handle on it.

His speech problems were put down to Speech Delay. From time to time i wonder if it could be something else - I get niggles from time to time that his need for routine is beyond ordinary for example. The sessions i have been to have stopped during holidays so assu,ed that they didn't run in hols. I can only take ds2 though, there is literally no one to take the others for a while during the day.

I am going out for the first time without ds3 on Thursday (he usually comes with us with ear defenders!) and i absolutly cannot wait. Of course, i cant drink in case he struggles with taking a bottle but to have those few hours where i am not In Charge will be soooo nice. Will need the space too when Gran dies

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Original poster
BlueDragonfly · 05/08/2008 21:30

finances are stretched as far as they will go at mo, plus ds2 wouldn't respond all that well to strangers and strange environments.

I think HV contacted Homestart when she came for her repeat visit, i don't remember what happened about that.

OP posts:
anonymama · 05/08/2008 21:31

Don't feel to bad, everyone has bad days where it all seems a bit much. You have loads on your plate, with 3 children at different stages, and it sounds like you are doing alright and being really hard on yourself.

Ideas (don't want to patronise, but just in case it helps):
-have stuff around that will keep the older 2 occupied, e.g. a sandpit in the garden, lego, puzzles, crayons/paper, dressing up stuff.
-See if one of DS1's schoolfriend's parents would be happy to have him over for a day to have a break - just explain that it's hard with a baby & you could do with some help, we've all been there.

  • Don't feel guilty about using the TV.
  • If you have the internet, there are downloads of Cbeebies radio for your 3 yr old to listen to whilst you are feeding DS3.
  • Tell your partner how you feel - he is their dad and your partner so could perhaps give you more support for a few weeks during the hols and whilst your gran is in hospital.
-Don't beat yourself up over the babyrice. Some people still start weaning at 14 wks, 5 months is probably pretty standard.
  • If you are bottle feeding you might get away with upping feeds, but when you are breastfeeding it can be hard at this stage, especially if your other kids are giving you the run around and your milk might be a bit low. You could get in some DVDs and a load of chocolate and spend an afternoon on the sofa with the three of them - your boys would think it was a treat and you would be able to have a rest and get your milk up.
  • say to yourself frequently, "I am a good mother"!! or some-such positive affirmation. It sounds like new age BS but it works!

Remember it will get better

HaventSleptForAYear · 05/08/2008 21:34

So sorry things are so hard for you.

TBH I had a day like yours today with my two (3.5 and 18mths).

Feel like I can't handle them at all today and ended up screaming at them WAY too much (well anything is too much isn't it?).

I know that's no consolation, and you also have 3 and other problems but you are not alone - I was going to post about having such a bad mother day.

MsDemeanor · 05/08/2008 21:37

Oh sweetheart, have a drink! It will be fine. Do you good!
Re your ds2, go back to your HV (ring her up at the surgery) and ask for a referral. You have worries about his lack of speech/need for routine and that deserves looking into. You are clearly worried about possible autistic spectrum disorders, and that can't be helping (my ds has Aspergers btw). Also kids on the spectrum can be very hard work when they are little. You are doing an heroic job there. You need a bit of support though. Go back and push for homestart. Also are you SURE none of your ds1's shoolfriend's parents won't have him round to play? I BET they would. I would.

MsDemeanor · 05/08/2008 21:37

Oh sweetheart, have a drink! It will be fine. Do you good!
Re your ds2, go back to your HV (ring her up at the surgery) and ask for a referral. You have worries about his lack of speech/need for routine and that deserves looking into. You are clearly worried about possible autistic spectrum disorders, and that can't be helping (my ds has Aspergers btw). Also kids on the spectrum can be very hard work when they are little. You are doing an heroic job there. You need a bit of support though. Go back and push for homestart. Also are you SURE none of your ds1's shoolfriend's parents won't have him round to play? I BET they would. I would.