Does my daughter have a strange toilet phobea ??

[mummyloveslucy]

I have been trying to toilet train her for the past 6 months. She is nearly 3.5.
She was doing very well with weeing in the toilet but not pooing, she always poos in her knickers.
Anyway she seems to have gone down hill since she broke up from nursery, and is frequently wetting herself. She won't use any toilet that dosn't meet her standards.
She won't use a toilet that-

has a black toilet seat

has coloured liquid cleaner in it

Has a dirty mark on it (even if this is just a chip)

that dosn't have a toilet lid

If there is dark coloured tiles on the walls.

She refuses to use the toilet and gets very distressed if you try to make her. She usually ends up weting herself while whinning about it.
Is this a genuine thing with her, or is she just trying her luck ? She seems to find some fault with every toilet except ours.
I have got her using the toilet at home quite well now (bribed with sweets) but she will NOT poo on the toilet.
I'd be really greatfull for your views. Thanks.

Anyone ??

She sounds like my dd1, a few weeks ago we went to a festival and she refused to wee in the porta loo as it did'nt have water in it , we have to take her toilet seat evrywhere as she say's her bum is too little for a big toilet seat. she also wont wee in the toilet is toilet cleaner is in there.

They are strange arn't they? Oh well, I'm glad she's not the only one.

She sounds like me...

I used to take a portapotty around with me so if DD threw a tizzy she had to use that instead. Part of the problem I think was that she is quite small for her age and even now at 4 I still have to go to a strange toilet with her to make sure that she can actually manage to get on it

My dd was toilet trained by 2 yrs and 2 mths. Would not have tried that early but she decided she wanted to. I say toilet trained, but actually she would do all her wees in the toilet but was petrified of pooing in one. However we could take her anywhere and she didn't have accidents - she'd just ask for her nappy when she needed a poo. This lasted a year!

I found out later that it is very common - especially in girls I think - and is something to do with the feeling of it 'leaving their body'! In a nappy/knickers they don't feel it so much, but on a toilet it feels like a bit of them is falling off. Like losing a limb. Apparently.

Anyway, for a while just humoured her and put her in a pull-up whenever she asked (luckily for us only usually once a day and mostly in the evening) but this went on for ages. Then (advised by friend) tried tough love for few days with view to telling her she would do it in loo or not at all. She held on to it for 3 days and had really bad tummyache, but of course this was an irrational fear and, as I won't go near a spider, she still wouldn't do it.

Even tried saying she could have a poopoo present for when she did one in the loo. She did one (and was scared the whole time), got her present and then wouldn't do it again because as far as she was concerned she'd got the prize.

So to stop my rambling...

The thing that finally worked was telling her about Pooland! This is an amazing place down the toilet that the poos can't wait to get to because it is like a funfair for poos. Every time she does one in her nappy, that one doesn't get to go there so that's a bit sad, but why doesn't she see if she can let one go to Pooland and have loads of fun with it's friends? Gross, I know, but after a year you'll try anything. It really worked, pretty much straight away. Of course then came the questions like 'can I go there mummy - I like fairs?' to which the answer was 'no sweetie, it's far too smelly for us!'

I think that the fear was taken away because she felt like she was doing a favour for someone(!) else, which made her feel good.

Hope this helps and good luck with whatever you try. Let me know how you get on?

xx

Oh and ds used any excuse that she could think of to avoid doing it, including most of the ones you listed. xx

First of all I would stop getting angry when she soils herself.

Just go with it. Let her see that her little foibles don't matter or affect you. The minute you get esasperated with her, she has won and has something over you.

Ask her if she wants to go back to nappies. Let her see that they aren't nice now she has been without them.

Chill.

It will come in its own good time.

If I asked her isf she wanted to go back to nappies she would be over the moon.
She does want to wear nappies and be a baby like her new cousen.
It does make me angry, I know it shouldn't but she is clever enough to understand.

Let her be a baby for a couple of days. Where's the harm? What is happenening now isn't getting you anywhere.

That's true. Thanks x

My DD is 3.4 and was really fussy about going to the toilet. She eventually managed to do wees but also wouldn't do a poo and held on for days with tummy ache. I used to sit next to toilet with her holding her hand cos she genuinley seemed scared by it all. Once she managed it, she seemed much better about it all. I know how frustrating it is when they wet themselves but I just kept thinking, "She won't still be in nappies when she starts school". She's now dry day and night and I really do believe that it will all just click into place when they are ready. Getting rid of her dummy is proving to be a bigger problem though and at this rate, she will be going to school with it.

Good luck with the dummy. My daughter is a thumb sucker. The problem with that is, I can't acctually remove her thumbs from her like you can with her dummy.
Anyway, I'm not concerned at all about that. I think it looks sweet. They will give up their comforts when they are ready.