Was I wrong/right to do this as a punishment????

[MilaMae]

Ds(4 nearly 5) has had his sticker chart reward today-Bee Movie DVD. Has been collecting stickers for ages.

Today we've been in for most of the day and 3 times I had to make ds come downstairs for not playing sensibly upstairs. 1st time being too over excited and silly(we live in a small house so creating mayhem isn't an option),2nd time spoiling the game and pinching sister(she may have started it),3rd time after hearing me tell his twin not to throw things(coins,Playmobil men) out of the window he just did the same.

I have just shouted(loudly) as feel I really tried to be fair and have taken the new DVD and put it in my cupboard "for a long time" he did get to watch it today.

I feel crap as he worked hard for it and is upset. I resorted to this as a punishment as he clearly wasn't listening to me earlier and coming downstairs while the others were upstairs obviously didn't work. Just feel he doesn't listen to me at the mo.

Today was supposed to be a happy memory now he's just going to remember having the DVD taken away

Was I wrong,what should I have done instead?If I was how the hell do I get out of it now????

Really need some advice.

TBH I wouldnt have done this, as he might now wonder what the point is in earning stickers, if his reward is taken away as soon as he gets it, better to use whatever form of discipline that you were using before you got the DVD.

But it is done now, I doubt it will scar him forever, can you let him have it back now (however lonmg it has been gone will feel like a long time to him) or if he is in bed then let him have it first thing in the morning.

You're a star was anxiously awaiting a reply. I was having similar concerns. Just about to put the 3 of them to bed(thank God) so needed advice urgently.

Just worried that he won't believe I'm going to follow through on things now and he'll be a nightmare for a while in order to test his theory out.

Had them all day on my own indoors,dp not back until 8.30,just haven't got any headspace left to know what to do for the best.

One little upset wont undo all your parenting to date.
Its hard to be the only adult with 3 kids all day, I think sometimes just getting through the day counts as a success.
Hopefully you get some peace soon (and maybe a large glass of wine!)

I agree that nothing is irreparable, but I would look at it as this:

The DVD is his reward for PAST good behaviour, he has already earned it, regardless of his current behaviour. By taking it away, you are negating his PAST efforts in an attempt to correct current behaviour.

You need to find something that 'hurts' but doesn't take away his efforts. You sound like a great mum .

Lou's right. Sanction needs to be something other than taking away the reward he has earnt honestly by his own efforts.

BUT you are knackered and grumpy and not perfect, just like anybody else. Not a bad lesson for a child to learn that grown-ups get things wrong sometimes - so apologise to him for taking the DVD away, give it back, explain briefly why you were cross (without making it sound ungracious) and start again tomorrow.

as above messages

but I would also go on and on about all the good things he did to deserve and then hopefully that will stick more

don't feel bad, 3 kids drives us all insane!

Oh thanks all. All 3 in bed

Had a chat and gave it back,think he understood,hope so.

Still feel crap about it but a rainy day,3 pre-schoolers and a tiny house are never a good mix I guess.

Many thanks. Off to to the wine,need to relax so I don't bite dp's head off the minute he walks in