FAO Meandmyjoe

[Babyisaac]

Hi there, sorry if this seems as though I'm burdening you, but I really just need some reassurance and hope you may be able to give me some.

I've read lots of your posts before and your DS sounds EXACTLY like mine. Very high-needs. Mine is now nearly 7 months old and to be quite honest, the past 7 months have been a living hell. Non-stop crying, only happy when carried, won't be put down, hated buggy and car seat until fairly recently. Now weaning and this is yet another challenge.........

I'm going back to work p/t in September when he will be 8 months. To be quite honest, I'm looking forward to it as it will give me a break away 3 days a week from DS and I'm also hoping he will benefit from the time away from me in different environments. He is a lot better with other people when I'm not around, but when it's just me and him he totally plays up to me and there's very little I can do to stop him crying. I do carry him a lot but he has to be put down sometimes and the trauma of this can take ages for him to get over.

He was a much-wanted baby. Took a while to conceive him and we were over the moon when he arrived. Now, I feel ridden with guilt as I look back on his newborn pics with disappointment at the baby I thought I would have. I try not to resent him but when I'm in floods of tears yet again it's hard not to.

He's crashed out in his cot now through sheer exhaustion of the hysteria of being put down. Daytime naps at home are getting easier. He sleeps pretty well at night but still wakes for a bf at around 3am. Some days I feel more positive and others I wonder how much longer I have to endure this. My DH is extremely supportive and things are generally a lot better when he's around, but he can't be here all the time. I go out a lot, to various mum and baby groups, baby yoga, swimming, music group - try to keep as busy as possible so I don't go insane. He's okay with some of them, but you just never know when he's going to go into meltdown mode. Lately he won't even play on the floor with me sitting with him - he has to be in my arms and even then I don't know what he wants.

I suppose the reason for getting in touch with you is because I'm looking for light at the end of the tunnel. How did you cope without cracking up? Did you count the days/hours until your DH was around? When did it start getting easier?

Any help/advice would be gratefully received. I'm pretty much at the end of my tether most days

you might find that weaning helps no end. my boy was like that for the first 3 months. we found that my XP was not producing enough milk for him so we supplemented with bottles, but then realised a couple of weeks later he didn't get on well with cows milk. we tried goats milk then eventually found soya baby milk and all his crying and restlessness, everything stopped within days. no colic, no crying at night or during the day, no need to carry all the time (shame, I did miss carrying him around at work all the time though).
I have my son and helped with 5 nieces/nephews and helped bring up my 12 year younger sister too, I have found that a baby will cling to mum (or in my case, me) all the time when something is wrong. might be worth looking at the milk intake. sometimes though, and this will be controversial I am sure, sometimes a mum (or in my case, dad) can project their own fears onto the child. you say your son was much wanted and took a long time to come along, you will possibly have insecurity feelings that you may be projecting unconsciously. for me, it was only when my XP forced me out of our house and stopped me seeing my son for 2 months that I was able to reassess and even though I was main carer before we split, I have been able to build an even better relationship with my son now. (and he absolutely thrived on soya milk)