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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

If your willful 3 year old boy WEED on his older brother on purpose, how would you react?

40 replies

QuintessentialShadows · 27/07/2008 21:48

Today has been another struggle with my very strongwilled and militant 3 year old.

He can be so loving, and caring, and generous, but he also has this very mean streak to him. Like most kids I suppose, it is just that at the moment he is really testing everybodys patience.
Running away, running away when I am trying to dress him, hang on me and flail limbs in all directions when dressing him, undressing again when he is dressed while I am locking up the house, going out to sit in a puddle so I have to change him again, throw toys on his brother, whack his brother, pull his brothers hair, break all his brothers lego constructions, tear his writing and drawins up, oh, I could go on.

Today, the end of the evening, the boys sat down for their porridge evening meal, when my three year old found lego pieces in his pocket which he flung on his brother. He then proceeded to fling spoon fulls of porridge on him. No amount of Stop it, or Be Nice, or This is naughty, dont do it worked.

Eventually, the meal was over and my oldest went down to start undressing to go to bed, little brother following suit, I stayed to clear up. Older son comes running up the stairs, he had been sitting on the toilet, when his brother came up to him and said "Do you want me to wee on you?". Older boy said "NO!". 3 year old pulls down his pants, pulls out his willy, and wees all over my older boy.

What would you do with such behaviour?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

horace · 27/07/2008 22:07

this behavior is not unknown at horace towers. Thankfully it has almost stopped. I've always assumed it was attention seeking or buggerment. Agree it's not very nice but not the end of the world.

Mind you if you gave me porridge for my tea i might piss on you

Original poster

QuintessentialShadows · 27/07/2008 22:08

Creamy and yummmy RICE porridge, with sugar and cinnamon. They love it.

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lunavix · 27/07/2008 22:08

yeah... sorry but porridge evening meal?

lunavix · 27/07/2008 22:09

oh so that's like a pudding right?

maidamess · 27/07/2008 22:09

I would not be happy! (I agree about the porridge tea however, what are you, the 3 bears?)

What did you do?

Original poster

QuintessentialShadows · 27/07/2008 22:10

Oh, I am not in the UK, brough up on different meal schedule. Dinner is hot and savoury and around 5 pm, evening meal is either sandwiches and fruit, or porridge.

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maidamess · 27/07/2008 22:11

Oh interesting! Anyway we are coming off topic.
I think thats quite disturbing behaviour for a 3 year old.

TheOriginalXENA · 27/07/2008 22:12

I guessed as much Quintessential, but I did lol at 'what are you, the three bears?

MamaG · 27/07/2008 22:13

I'd love to have that porridge

Does ds get punished for bad behaviour? I'm all for positive reinforcement of good behaviour, but sometimes bad behaviour needs punishment - naughty step perhaps?

Original poster

QuintessentialShadows · 27/07/2008 22:15

His behaviour has become worse gradually over the last few months (actually since we left London). I just cannot get him to do as he is told. Whether it is tidying up, or getting dressed/undressed. Today when I was out washing the car, I found his brothers hat in the car and I ask him to go put it on the bench by the door as he was right next to me on the scooter, "Sure" he said, smiled and throd on it, wriggling his foot over it to really get it into the dirt.

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thisisyesterday · 27/07/2008 22:16

porridge sounds like a yummy evening meal to me! mine would love it

GrinningGorilla · 27/07/2008 22:16

I'm sorry but I had to giggle because I had a spate of my 3 and 4 year old doing this to each other. It only lasted a short while (they also weed on their 2 year old sister). The 4 year old stopped, but the 3 year old continued to wee in odd places, he has most recently taken to taking the cups off the draining board and weeing in those. Yuk. I just try ignoring it because drawing attention to it seemed to make it worse in my case.

Original poster

QuintessentialShadows · 27/07/2008 22:17

I am sort of trying the "Oh your are such a big boy, you can do this" type of tactic with him, positive reinforcement, really praising when he does good, telling him off when he does bad and explaining WHY it is bad. Seems it is not enough boundaries. Everytime I tell him off, he lies down on the floor with his arms over his head and cries. And also if I simply tell him "No, you must not do this."

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PootyApplewater · 27/07/2008 22:18

I would have stepped in with a warning at the lego throwing stage, I think.
The flinging of food would then have meant that whatever I warned, would happen.

How do you discipline your DCs?
Time out, naughty step, removal of privileges etc?

The weeing is something that I can imagine one little boy doing to another if annoyed - I don't think it's particularly disturbing.

Sounds like your DS2 is similar to mine, in that he needs very firm boundaries.

DS2 always liked the security of knowing that if I gave him a warning, and he then continued behaving inappropriately, I would consistently carry through with sending him to his room.

DS2 also liked to be able to work towards something - a sticker chart with a small prize for every 10 stickers worked well when he was very young.

Would your DS2 react well to that sort of thing?

Tis easy for minxy little boys to be cast in the role of the naughty one - important to catch them doing something kind/nice/good and big them up.

Janni · 27/07/2008 22:19

It just sounds to me like your f3 year old was exercising the major bit of power he has...I would just say 'no, don't do that again' and leave it. Don't make a big deal of it. I promise you'll laugh in years to come (my DSs are 12 and 8!!)

Original poster

QuintessentialShadows · 27/07/2008 22:21

We are currently living with my parents (doing a self build) and they boys doesnt really have a room. We have a small flat downstairs at my parents house. They have their cot and junior bed in an alcove off the kitchen. It is not ideal. If I try the naughty step he will perfectly happy come sit there for his alotted time. Say sorry, and continue. It is like, he has sussed it and conquered it.

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navyeyelasH · 27/07/2008 22:21

If he was one of my mindess I'd have taken away the porridge and sent him up the wooden hill. If he throws lego, he gets all his lego put in a black bag and taken away for 24 hours explaining why you are doing it. After 24 hours give lego back, explain what you expect of him now he has lego back and that if he does it again he has no lego for 2 days. If he does it again take lego away for 2 days. Give it back after time has elapsed and explain if he does it again lego will go to charity shop where children who can behave will play with it.

This worked with my (nearly 3 year old) nephew, and thankfully we didn't get to the charity shop stage.

Also this might sound mean, but if any of mine sat in a puddle on purpose for a second time they could stay in their wet clothes with a full explanation of why they are not being changed, provided of course I was sure they wouldn't get ill.

Horrace is right, from my experience most 2.5 - 4 year olds (especially most boys) go through this stage, I think they are just testing the boundaries A LOT. What about incentives? The supernanny has these brill reward chart that work a charm with most children, but not for all. Have a look and see if you think it could do the trick www.supernanny.co.uk/Reward-Charts/-/3-to-5-year-olds.aspx I normally use the black and white ones and et the Lo's to colour them in and use their colouring in time to ensure they know what the deal is. Could think about getting one for your older child too, otherwise he might interoperate (SP?) it as the younger one getting more attention for being a little bit naughty.

Good luck and remember no one knows your little ones as well as you do, so just go with whatever feels natural for your and your parenting style!

margoandjerry · 27/07/2008 22:21

quintessentialshadows, No advice really on the horrible issue but can I just say at porridge. We had a Norwegian au pair who used to make us what she called norwegian porridge - with sugar, cinnamon and a pool of melted butter. Beyond delicious. Think you might be somewhere similar?

Assume it's not 30 degrees there as it is here today - if it was and I was eating porridge I would prob be tempted to wee on myself to cool myself down.

Anyway, am leaving it to proper grown up ladies to comment on the behaviour

Original poster

QuintessentialShadows · 27/07/2008 22:21

I have been trying the "ignore the bad" and simply say, no you mustnt do that. But it just seem to be getting gradually worse.

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Original poster

QuintessentialShadows · 27/07/2008 22:24

margoandjerry. yes, I reckon it is the same. You can make it using risotto rice, and substitute milk for water. Dont ever think of using pudding rice. 2 dl rice for 0.9l milk. Bring milk to boil, add rice, stir, cook for 20 minutes.

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Original poster

QuintessentialShadows · 27/07/2008 22:25

navyeyelash. Good plan, only, it was his brothers lego. And I could not punish the older boy by taking lego away for something the younger brother did. If I withdraw the younger boys toys, he doest care, he simply plays with his brothers toys.

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Original poster

QuintessentialShadows · 27/07/2008 22:25

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horace · 27/07/2008 22:32

i think his behaviour has alot to do with all the disruption going on in your home. Are you especially b usy or distracted at the moment? I really wouldn't worry I don't think he's going to grow into a pervert. He will know it's naughty. try not to give it too much attention. He wont be doing it when he's 20

Elephantjuice · 27/07/2008 22:45

My ds (now 5) was awful at 3 (and 4, when I think about it). I'm sure it will get better.

I think you have to decide which kind of discipline suits you and your ds, then stick to it. Instinctively I go for the supernanny stuff - firm boundaries, time out after warning etc. However sometimes I think my ds responds to a softer approach, so I'm still working it all out really.

I wouldn't worry too much about the weeing incident - my friend was telling me yesterday that her 7 year old (always perfectly behaved) ds recently weed in the bin in his bedroom! My 5 year old is still peeing in his pants several times a day, but that's another thread....

Good Luck.

Original poster

QuintessentialShadows · 27/07/2008 23:29

Thanks for reassurance. I hope he will grow out of it, as I am feeling drained and about to lose my sanity. At the moment I seem to be discarding one parenting technique after the other, we are both throw into confusion. But that is because nothing seems to sink in with him, it is like water on the duck.

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