Boys and friendships

[MorocconOil]

DS(6) and DS(8) have a few friends at school, but neither seems to have a best friend. They seem to fall out a lot with friends, and by falling out DS seems to have physical fights with his friends. DS (6) just seems to blank someone if they offend him in anyway. Neither seems very tolerant of other children's foibles.

They have family friends who they either get on with really well, or seem to not get on with at all. They get on much better with the girls.

We live in a street where the children play out, and they play well, but again mainly with girls.

Now it's the summer holidays I am aware that they aren't really asking to see people, but also seem bored. I know other children seem to have a big pool of children to play with from school.

I do wonder if they need some help or encouragement in making/maintaining friendships or whether this is just normal for boys of their age.

I would welcome any MN views or advice.

My ds (6yrs and about to go into yr2) is very similar with regards to friends. He recently named 3 best friends, none of them from school and one who we rarely see!

At school, there are up to about 4 boys who all walk back from school in our direction. A couple of weeks before the end of term, they all had a bit of a fisticuff fight in the park but it had all been forgotten the next day.

He loves having friends for tea and would mostly choose to invite the boys. I think they either get on like a house on fire or completely fall out because they are all very similar in terms of personality.

So, in my opinion, your two boys are completely normal and I also think it ios good to have children who are happy to play with a child of opposite sex.

Normal

Also probably you are having a "grass is greener" experience about other kids. I think most are the same - probably seems like a " big pool of kids" but prob similar to your DSs in reality.

DS (5) couldn't care a less about asking friends around. He enjoys it when they are here, but never asks if they can come. I have tried hard to instigate friendships and him playing with people outside school. However, I have come to the conclusion that ds will do what he needs to and any amount of intervention by me will not actually yield any long term friendships, so I think I would leave it.

Thanks for all your comments. They are very reassuring.
Desperate- yes I think you are right about it being good they play with girls. Sometimes I wonder whether they prefer them to boys because they aren't as similar in personality as you say.
I fixed up a sleepover for one of DS1's friends for tommorrow night, but they had a disagreement on saturday and now DS is saying his doesn't want the friend to come!! I'm in agreement with Goosey that intervention doesn't seem to help. I thought I was arranging a nice thing for him, but he's now cross with me.

You probably will find that because they are so similar in age, they kind of don't need anyone else. My 2 youngest are like this, they are 3 and 5 and incredibly close. They do have lots of friends, but are just as happy to play with each other. DS2 classes most of his class as his friends and gets on very well with them, but I don't do anywhere near as many children back for tea for him as I did for DS1. DS1 was very different as he was an only child for 9 years. I suppose I made more effort to have his friends over for tea as he was the only one.

DS3 misses his brother when he is not at nursery and DS2 is at school...bless him.

Oh yes, and DS3's best friend is a girl, he absolutely adores her. In fact he mainly plays with the girls at nursery. And DS2 plays with girls a lot and has vowed to marry one of them because 'she is soooo beautiful!'

DS1 also has loads of friends who are girls. I think all my boys have a fairly even mix of girl/boy freinds.

Me again

Nursery have said to me that DS2 brings a calmness to the girls. They reckon they don't fall out nearly as much when he plays with them...they do fuss over him and try to boss him about though

Squirdle- They do play together, and spent alot of today walking around a National Trust garden with their arms around each other. They also spent a lot of time wrestling on the grass until DS2 was hurt, and DS2'S T-shirt was stretched right out of shape.
DD and I pretended they weren't with us.

Cali-I like the sound of Lego class. Sounds very calm and civilised. They both love lego. I haven't heard of any such club near us. How old is your DS?

That's what it is then! I love the fact that my 2 little ones are so close. I know they need other friends, but they also always have each other and I hope that carries on forever.