4 year old - excessive crying

[Suzyjane]

Hi
My ds is 4 years old and seems to cry excessively - if he cant get his own way, if any other child touches him etc, literally he will cry at anything! he also shouts a lot and gets wound up easily. I have spoken to him about it and he knows he has to calm down but then in the next minute he is crying again, I have tried reward charts, sending him to his room and ignoring him when he cries for nothing but it doesn't work!! I have just had another baby which isn't helping but am starting to think that it is my fault he is like this and that his baby brother is going to grow up the same. He is starting school in January and I am worried that he is going to get picked on or will have no friends. Help!!!

if you've just had a new baby this could be a combination of his expression of anxiety at being left out or forgotten in light of the new baby, and a way of trying to get your attention (understandably).

I would reassure him as much as possible, give him hugs and tell him that you love him. I have been telling my nearly 2 yr old that there is enough love for everyone (sounds cheesy but it helps him) now that he has a baby sister. He understands and it calms him.

Our policy is to treat them equally and fairly and they notice this, its hard work but becomes 2nd nature.

I expect you're doing that already and that he just needs a little bit of extra reassurance at the moment.

Hiya
He has been like this since he was a toddler, I thought he might grow out of it but he hasn't!! I really do try to be calm but sometimes end up losing my temper especially if we are out with friends and their kids, especially as their kids know that he can be wound up easily.
I must admit I am finding it hard to deal with having 2 kids and trying to find the time to play with him, do the housework and cope with the baby.
Am sure it will all get easier with time but I need a lot more patience!

Hi Suzyjane. Just wanted to say my DD is 4 and we are going through exactly the same as you (she is an only child). It is driving me crazy! The word No will have her in floods of tears and when you ask her why she cannot tell you. She even cried the other day because her friend wouldn't hug her! The only thing I do is tell her to calm down and that the tears will not work. I also find I have to walk away or like you I will lose my temper completely! When she stops she then gets spoken to again and I prentend it never happened. Not much help but you are not the only one.

My friend's ds was like this from being about 2-4. It was basically a tantrum. I remember nursery advising to provide support (e.g. a hug) but don't pander to him and treat it like a tantrum and stand firm. He grew out of it.

My dd (5.5) still has a tendency to cry when things don't go her way. She now stomps off to her room to calm down. Very frustrating and sometimes takes all my strength not to shout "I can give you something to cry about if you want!" ... but obviously I don't.

My DD is also very sensitive and every now and again we get a period of about 6 weeks high emotion. I recommend a book called The Highly Sensitive Child. It helps you adapt to their character a bit and makews you realise they arent always just being a pain, it's just who they are.

Lots of reassurance probably needed.