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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

my baby hates affection

12 replies

cazza2002 · 01/02/2005 14:13

i can't understand why my 1 year old boy hates having any cuddles or hugs. It upsets me when i want to give him a cuddle but he refuses almost all the time he has been like this for about 4 months now. He will never sit down for more than a minute even if he's tired, he just wants to be put down all the time. When he was a tiny baby i always cuddled him and he is such a happy little fella so why is he refusing my love. So can someone give me some ideas or am i just going to have a very very hypo child.

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Angeliz · 01/02/2005 14:15

My sisters little boy is exactly the same.
Even when he was a tiny nany he'd try to wriggle away from cuddles and he's 4 now, i think i could count the cuddles i've had on one hand!

Angeliz · 01/02/2005 14:15

tiny nany????????

tiny baby even!!

Gwenick · 01/02/2005 14:17

my best friends DS1 was exactly the same..........but at around 3 1/2yrs old suddenly changed, calmed down (was a very lively little toddler) and started having hugs again - her 2nd was the completely opposite - complete huggy mummy's boy

gingernut · 01/02/2005 14:19

he sounds like my ds1 who just wanted to be active from when he was tiny. He never wanted to be `restrained' by being cuddled. I think ds2 is going to be the same.

Sorry not much help but you are not alone. I don't think it means he is refusing your love, just that he has other things on his mind. But I know how hard it is to take.

Decmum · 01/02/2005 14:27

My DS is exactly the same unless he's ill. That said he doesn't want to give up his bottle so I reckon he appreciates those hugs. Even then he straightens himself on your lap about half way through his last bottle before bed, then stops looks back to say come and catch me then giggles away as he makes a last dash to the top of the stairs....it's a game. The minute he hits the mattress you can see his body relax but until then it's go go go...! I think little boys are just manic and always off doing the next thing in their mind...no time to just sit and chill out. I give him lots of little kisses when he's eating and stationary to fill up my quota of love.

Catbert · 01/02/2005 14:29

I longed for the day when I would get an "actual" cuddle from DD1. Sometimes I think showing affection is as much learned as walking and talking. When they are small - it's all about them moving, looking, exploring, babbling, just generally discovering their capabilities.

It does change. Hang in there, and just enjoy watching him being, as you say, a happy fella! He's NOT refusing your love. He's just too busy with other things at the moment to give it back!

pussnboots · 01/02/2005 14:45

I am the only member of the family who has ever been able to cuddle ds. I used to talk to him to tell him I'd like to cuddle him rather than pounce on him unexpectedly and I knew him well enough to know when was a good time to try. He never hugged back until he was about 12yrs old. Now he is 17 he kisses me goodnight and will sometimes put his arms around me briefly - i feel he has come on a long way but wish he was more comfortable with 'touching'. btw I have seen him being hugged and given a kiss on the cheek by girls at school and he seemed to be ok with that but noticed he didn't hug or kiss back!! i do worry what his love life will be like!!

polly28 · 02/02/2005 00:05

my dd was like this as a toddler.She is now 13 and is better but not a lover of physical hugs etc.She will now come for a brief hug and tolerates me hugging her but she obviously is slightly uncomfortable.
I used to like it when she was ill as it was the only time I got to cuddle her!
My ds is the complete opposite and will be sitting on my lap until he leaves home

TiredBunny · 02/02/2005 00:14

My DD was / is a bit the same. She was very orratable as a newborn and troubles at home didnt help... she is now a lively, busy, bright 3 yr old. She gives kisses and loves when u ask and often comes and actually 'tells' me she loves me and says I am her best friend. She is secure and content in herself and doesnt need to be attached to me all the time. I see this as positive.... it means they know you are there whatever and also means that they are alert, active and having fun being busy. DOn't worry xx

TiredBunny · 02/02/2005 00:14

sorry irritable!!

bobbybob · 02/02/2005 00:42

Still bfing ds at nearly 2 as without it I would never have any hugs over 2 seconds long. He will occassionally run into my outstretched arms for a cuddle, but the joys is all in the running, not the cuddling (for him, opposite for me). He won't sit on our knee for a story any more, but will happily sit next to us on the sofa and listen to 10 or 20 stories. Sometimes he will rest an arm on our knee, or want to sit tucked up next to us to play lego. We just treasure those touches we do get as well as any times he wakes early and wants to come into our bed. He fell asleep on my knee on a plane last week and it was just heavenly to have him there.

We have had to teach him what a cuddle is, as it didn't seem to be an instinct he possessed, and he is getting better at it. Last week he even asked for a "mouth kiss" so it must be going in.

jane313 · 02/02/2005 19:14

My son was like yours but now at almost 20 months he is kissing (well more like an open mouthed dribble) and cuddly, he even initiates this! And sometimes when he wakes up he even tries burying his head in my chest. I really would not have believed he has changed so much. Here was my thread about it
hugs

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