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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Going nuts...10 wk old wants to be held all the time

33 replies

rosalina72 · 01/07/2008 16:17

Hi, hope someone could offer some advice on this. My 10 week old son wants to be carried all the time. We've bought him a bouncy chair, swing and baby gym but he refuses to spend any significant time there. He'll cry until I pick him up. As he doesn't take many naps, I'm really getting down about this as it doesn't allow me any time to myself. I barely have time to eat on some days. I've left him to cry for a bit as I've heard they will eventually stop and comfort themselves but after 15 mins he doesn't seem to let up and the crying intensifies. If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them as I'm at my wits end!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

wrinklytum · 01/07/2008 16:21

Can you get a baby sling,then you can carry him round and have hand s free.Mine were both like this.Was nightmare.It passes in the end.

lulumama · 01/07/2008 16:25

sling, definitely. of course he wants to be carried and close to you, he is a new baby... a sling will give you two hands free to do what you need to

Pheebe · 01/07/2008 16:25

Baby sling, strap him on and get on with your life

OverMyDeadBody · 01/07/2008 16:25

Yes I second buying a sling. I used to tie DS to my back African style with a pashmina if I needed to get on with things, but I loved having him close and carrying him all the time.

You will get very good at doing things one-handed

tiktok · 01/07/2008 16:26

Responding to your baby's crying quickly actually encourages him to cry less, and babies responded to like this in the first 6 mths cry less in the second 6 mths....quite a bit of research on this.

15 mins is a long time for a small baby (or anyone!!) to cry, uncomforted, and it's pretty difficult to listen to (that's nature making you respond!). Someone else's arms can be used when you need a break, and wrinkly's idea of a sling is a good one.

Some babies are like this - they love human/mother contact when they are little. It passes, and responding to it means you are building his confidence in the world and ensuring he knows his needs will be met - probably this is why a baby in this situation cries less when he is older.

smallwhitecat · 01/07/2008 16:26

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juuule · 01/07/2008 16:30

10weeks old - perfectly normal for him to want to be carried. Will he settle to sleep if you swaddle him tightly?

Otherwise, as others have said, try a sling so that you are hands free. Some of mine didn't like a sling so I had to carry them.
I learned to eat holding them, go to the loo holding them, make tea holding them and lots of other things. It might seem difficult to start with but like any new skill you get better with practice.

Is there anyone who could hold him for you and give you a break? That's another option.

Don't leave him crying too long. He needs you.

wrinklytum · 01/07/2008 16:34

I had a ring sling,it was lovely

You can adjust it so can wear across shoulder when baby tiny and when bigger so baby can sit on your hip IYKWIM.Mine had a pocket in with velcro which you could put a nappy and wipes in so was very useful!!Also a nice swathe of material so you could put it over your shoulder for discreet breastfeeding.Your baby will feel much happier being close to you too.

You are bound to be tired,10 weeks in,baby on a growth spurt and feeding lots and sleep deprivation kicking in...Honestly it does get better with time.

Original poster

rosalina72 · 01/07/2008 16:58

I do have a sling, actually 2 slings. He didn't like the first one and prefers the one that's upright. He does seem to like it and falls asleep in there but in this hot weather he gets very hot and I worry he'll over heat. I don't normally leave him crying and usually respond straight away but so many have said that sometimes babies need to be left to self-soothe and that I'm spoiling him by carrying him all the time.

OP posts:

Original poster

rosalina72 · 01/07/2008 17:23

He doesn't like dummies, not interested in mobiles, doesn't like co-sleeping (strange, I know) and is even fussy about 'how' he's carried preferring being carried by a person standing up and walking around rather than sitting!

OP posts:

cazboldy · 01/07/2008 17:26

you can't spoil a good thing pay no attention to what people say....

he is still very new, enjoy this time with him, it will be over very quickly

have you tried taking him for a walk in his pram/buggy and getting him off, and then leaving him in it for a snooze when you get home?

hanaflowerisnothana · 01/07/2008 17:28

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RachelG · 01/07/2008 17:29

You can't spoil a 10 week old baby. Their "wants" and "needs" are one and the same. Anyone who says you're spoiling him by picking him up when he cries is talking rubbish. Trust me, I've read LOADS of books about it.

My DS was like this. It's difficult I know, but it does pass.

No clever suggestions that haven't already been offered I'm afraid, but it will get better, honest.

StarlightMcKenzie · 01/07/2008 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Pheebe · 01/07/2008 17:30

You cannot spoil a 10 week old baby, ignore them and do whatever works for you. Plenty of time to introduce them to the rigours of independence

4madboys · 01/07/2008 17:34

sounds like you have the twin of my ds3, he too had to be held all the time, and you werent allowed to sit down, you had to stand and jiggle or sway the entire time, i used a sling, lots, just put him in in a nappy and maybe a vest.

what kind of sling is it, i have found some are hotter than others, for example i wouldnt use my wilkinet or close sling in this weather, but i have a ring sling that is made of very thin cotton so i use that (ds4 is 15wks)

it does get better, and like everyone has said you get amazing at doing things with one hand, and i also used to try and get friends to come round so they could hold the baby sometimes

xxxxx

Original poster

rosalina72 · 01/07/2008 17:37

thanx everyone. i guess i'll just get used to it until he grows out of it. i've thought maybe he has reflux but the gp doesn't seem too concerned and won't investigate.

OP posts:

Babyisaac · 01/07/2008 19:30

Hi Rosalina

My DS is now 6mo and is exactly like this. I thought it would improve after 3 months, but it didn't. Now at nearly 6 months he still won't be put down, resists the buggy, hates his bumbo, won't play on the floor independently and is only really happy when carried.

I don't want to sound all doom and gloom, but the link below really helped me.

www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400.asp

It made me realise that you can't spoil a baby by picking him/her up and that he/she won't become clingier through being carried. This will actually make them more self-assured in the long run. It's very hard and very claustrophobic having your LO attached to you all day but I'm told it will pass and at least it's better than the crying 24/7 if their needs are being met.

Try to surround yourself with other people so they can share the holding. I find that being alone makes things worse as my DS's needs only intensify!!

smallwhitecat · 01/07/2008 19:34

This reply has been deleted

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ummadam · 02/07/2008 11:18

Our now angelic (and asleep) nearly 6m old was like this. In the sling, bouncing on the gym ball every evening until he was about 12 weeks old when things started to improve (a little)

At 9 weeks I tried to let him learn to self soothe. It was too early. I wish i had just gone to him when i could and i will be doing that for the next one. I had this strange idea that if he would sleep in the cot rather than the sling then i could sleep aswell. Didn't happen - just got stressed and crying mum AND baby!

Different strokes for different folks but if my next (Please God if I am blessed with another) is the same they will be in the sling for 6 months at least. I got a babyhawk mei tai from ebay as DS wanetd to be upright too and the ring sling was too heavy. In this heat he goes in in just a nappy and me in a vest top. If he is still asleep when we go out I put layers over the top and let him snooze on

supercherry · 02/07/2008 14:50

Oh my goodness, you have my sympathy, it's so hard isn't it? My DS, now 22 wks was exactly like this at 10 wks. I had to hold him upright, facing outwards, standing up and bouncing quite vigorously- very specific, and really quite funny when you can eventually look back! My arms and back used to really ache. It started to get better at around 16wks for me- DS will go down now, in his bouncer or jumperoo for a little bit so my arms can have a rest or I can do a bit of housework and he is more easily distracted with toys now that he can grab and mouth them. I found he preferred to be in the garden with me too than indoors. Take every opportunity for someone else to have baby holding duty for a bit. It will get better! Just hang on in there.

MrsWaggsnapps · 02/07/2008 15:23

I'd also suggest a sling, check out www.thebabywearer.com this offers advice specifically for slings and is a godsend (there are so many different types that it can get very confusing!).

I ended up with a pouch sling (Hotslings from ebay) for DD and the only other thing that worked occasionally was a graco battery powered baby swing (known as the magic swing in our house). DD is now nearly a year old and I LOVE carrying her and have a growing collection of wraps and mei tais. There is a useful Yahoo group called groups.yahoo.com/group/UKbabywearingSWAP/messages where loads of people sell 2nd hand slings.

Also bear in mind at 10 wks old he may find things like a baby gym over whelming rather than soothing, my son hated his for a good long while (but it'll change in another few weeks probably)

BeckyBendyLegs · 02/07/2008 17:21

My DS1 was just like that. He was (and still is) a very sensitive little soul and I spent the first six months of his life either holding him / carrying him around / enteratining him when he was a bit older and it was exhausting. I think it is just a personality thing (my DS2 was the total opposite and would just sleep in his moses basket when put down, no crying or anything and he slept for hours!!!). It is very hard when you find you are strapped to a baby all the time, especially if it is your first and it is all new to you, and I remember once eating a bowl of soup while standing up with a baby crying and fighthing sleep on my shoulder and the tears were rolling down my face as I was thinking that my life was never going to be the same again but things do change and babies do settle. I think you do need a break though if you can get someone to help out and that will give you strength to care for your little boy.

kbaby · 02/07/2008 21:45

Both mine were like this. It is really hard work and even though everyone suggests just to hold the baby all the time I know how much it can get to you. At one time I wanted to go back to work because I couldnt bear to be at home constantly holding a baby all day.

With DD we found that she hated the bouncy chair and play mat, She would go in the swing and not cry as long as it was on superfast speed and also go in the buggy but only if it was being pushed(she knew when I was just rocking it) Theres nothing really you can do about it apart from accept thats how it is and do your best to cope with it. DD napped on my lap as it was the only way she would sleep and I went to every toddler meeting going because even though I was still holding DD it didnt seem so bad in company.
It did get better when she was 6 months old and learnt how to sit up then she changed overnight into a contented happy baby.

I then went on to have DS who was exactly the same until 7 months.

starkadder · 03/07/2008 10:28

My baby was like this too and I was getting quite stressed a we live in Spain and it is just getting too hot to put him in the sling we have (ours is a very comprehensive wrap around stretchy type thing). Also my mum said "oh yes you've held him TOO much" which irritated me. Anyway, he is now 13 weeks and is quite happy lying on his playmat - he's been there this morning for about 40 mins so far, awake (prob about to start wailing as I type this).He also sleeps there in the mornings for 30 mins to an hour or more - but does need help dropping off (I usually have to hold his dummy in for him for a bit and put his little music box on).

And I must admit I have my mum to thank - I had given up putting him down there at all and only tried again when she visited recently as she kind of insisted. Which has taught me that everything changes just as you think you understand it..

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