Experiences of delayed social milestones in a 19-month-old toddler

[ScottishRach]

Hello. I'm just looking for other parents experiences/perspectives of being in a similar situation, everything I have read so far has really been 50/50 on whether children have started hitting milestones later, or have been diagnosed with hearing/sight issues and even Autism/ADHD.

My 19 month old son has hit all of his physical milestones well, he's a good eater, finger feeds himself, always in 90+ percentile for height and weight, is walking confidently and not far off running.... but socially he is falling behind and is a constant source of worry.

He rarely looks when you call to him - and I dont think there is an issue with his hearing as he will turn round when it suits him - but for the most part if he isn't interested then he just won't no matter how persistent you are. His eye contact is getting better, but isn't always there either. He has never pointed/waved etc, though he is very good at hand leading, or looking towards what he wants (eg if he wants his water cup he'll look round at where it's been put down). Things he used to do like play peek-a-boo and clap have stopped now. When he is excited he will do alot of hand and leg flapping, or rocking from foot to foot. He doesn't say any words, but he does make alot of different noises and screeches.

He is very inquisitive and destructive with no sense of danger, we are forever chasing after him and rescuing things he shouldn't have, but otherwise if it is safe we do let him explore as much as he desires.

I find nursery quite upsetting as every month or so they have me sign a checklist saying that he's still not turning to his name being called ☹️.

We have seen our HV about these issues, and she has referred us to have sight and hearing checked, and to speech therapy, though says he's likely to be more around the age of 2 before we're called up for these appointments. In the meantime we do everything we can do, talk to him constantly, ask him about what he wants when he does hand lead, read books (though at the moment he's only interested in touchy books and will often put them in his mouth too if he gets a chance 🤦‍♀️) but feel very judged by people always pointing out how he doesn't like to make eye contact and things ☹️. He is our world and greatest love who seems quite content in his own way just exploring and destroying, but we do worry there is maybe something else going on.

Like you say, focus on him, who he is and his interests as that’s when he is happiest.

My sons development was similar, excellent motor skills, social and speech ‘behind’. He did speak and develop social skills but they are definitely his weaker areas. He’s autistic, And it sounds like your son may be too.

Keep focusing on enjoying him like you do and don’t fill your life with worry.

If he’s completely non-verbal I would do this progress checker as they will email you some resources to help encourage speech.

Have the Nursery had their Senco observe him yet? If not, I would ask for them to do that.

Have you also applied for an EHC needs assessment? If not, I’d try and make that a priority this week

Notice the behavior patterns of your child and check for some speech therapy so your child gets able to communicate sooner.

He needs referral to a Paediatrician and assessment for autism. Don't be fobbed off with 'wait and see' because waiting lists are long for Speech and Language, OccupationalTherapy and just about everything else.

He has a lot of red flags for autism ..the lack of joint attention, speech and stimming behaviours (20 years working with children who have autism here) and the sooner he gets support, the better. I've seen kids make amazing progress, but getting them in the right setting as early as possible is so important and you will need to fight for support, so get pushy now.

Frankly nursery should be pushing for assessment , but if they aren't being helpful you need to.

But don't panic either... kids make progress, they just need extra help. My own son was a flapping non verbal happy little boy with autism. Now he's a happy , very verbal less flappy adult with autism and he's a wonderful man!