Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I can not go on with dd, i am ashamed to say i just can't control her.

52 replies

ScoobyDoo · 30/06/2008 15:40

DD is testing me to limits i don't even have, everyday is a MAJOR battle, my whole life is all down to how dd behaves.

She can undo her carset strap & pushchair strap now & refuses to walk holding my hand, throws herself on the floor, runs away, scream at the top of her voice & clenches her hands whilst doing it, i can't go to the shop (or i can but it is just a major stress from her screaming) i dread taken & picking ds up from school because of her, i can't do ANYTHING.

She wakes up miserable & goes all through the day being on & off misery.

I am struggling, i want to give up, i have just burst into tears to dp because i can't go on with her, she is 2.5 going on 15, she has MAJOR melt downs, she pinches, pulls my hair & kicks me, i have lost control of her.

Like dp said she should not be controlling us we should be controlling her but i have absolutly no energy i am exhausted from life.

Please help me i can't do this anymore.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

ScoobyDoo · 30/06/2008 15:41

I have utterly failed as a parent to dd

OP posts:

UniversallyChallenged · 30/06/2008 15:43

Oh really feel for you a lot of us on here have had dd/ds like that but that wont help you at this precise minute.

Have you seen a doctor about her behaviour?

WhipMeIndiana · 30/06/2008 15:43

oh my dear..

please try and take a breath...it could just be a phase that will be over very soon

I have a dd just turned 2 and each day she rebels a little more, so I imagine soon I will be in your shoes...

cant you talk to HV/ local childrens centre for advice?

UniversallyChallenged · 30/06/2008 15:44

I would ring the doctor NOW, get an appointment for yourself as to how you are feeling. Your concerns for dd will come out in the consultation xx

WhipMeIndiana · 30/06/2008 15:45

you havent failed, all kids test their limits with tantrums; some are worse than others. get help. is your dp supportive? when is she calm?

Original poster

ScoobyDoo · 30/06/2008 15:45

I am going to have to do something, i have posted on here before about dd, she is getting alot worse now though, i have nothing left to give i am exhausted from her, at this minute she is in her room kicking the door & screaming at the top of her lungs!

She is very independant, head strong & stubburn, god it's hard, i just can't stop crying..

OP posts:

Jackstini · 30/06/2008 15:45

Oh Scooby you haven't - she is just at the top of the range for terrible twos and testing her naughtiness to the limit.
dd (2.3) has just started taking her arms out car seat straps so have to pull over or one of us sit in the back with her or just not go!
Also shreeeeeeiiiiiks her head off and seems to cry and the slightest thing/no reason at all really.
Will be watching this thread hoping for some tips but please know you are NOT alone

Jackstini · 30/06/2008 15:47

ps - she is in cot in a sleeping bag at nights for now as she at least can't get out of bedroom, open stair gate and risk her falling downstairs....

Original poster

ScoobyDoo · 30/06/2008 15:50

Well dd actually can undo the whole straps the button ont he carseat, she climbs stair gates so there no good & is in a bed because she climbed out her cot.

I so adore her but her beaviourer is just unbearable at the moment, i just can't control it.

I am tired, i have been working full-time which is now taking it's toll along with what we are going through with dd.

Dp is sort of supportive, life is hard at the minute....

OP posts:

yaz2 · 30/06/2008 15:52

My 23 month old gets out of the car seat straps. He has also just had a major meltdown and screamed his lung out as I said it is time to sleep (now asleep by the way) when he is having one of his tantrums he also shout at me and tells me "you go away". I just wanted to post to tell you you are not alone and as bad as things seem right now they will get better. Go and see you GP and seeif they can give you any advice. hugs]

RubberDuck · 30/06/2008 15:55

Aw Scooby

Okay, here's a plan of action.

Phone up Home Start (your HV should have contact details or you can contact them yourself through the phone book). A couple of hours breather every week might be all it takes for you to be able to regroup.
Talk to your HV. Ours have a really friendly parenting course that can give you tips on how to deal with behavioural difficulties - and meeting up with other parents gives you a feeling of solidarity!
Talk to your GP, as others have suggested.
Andthistooshallpass andthistooshallpass it'sallaphase it'sallaphase (mutter under your breath 100 times in a row, you'll feel soooo much better!!!)

Often I think it's a bit chicken and egg - you need some calm so you can regroup and have space to think up some strategies to deal and make things better, but to get the calm you need to have different strategies to deal and make things better. Break the cycle and you'll surprise yourself and find you're not a bad parent after all

TeeBee · 30/06/2008 15:55

Please calm down, you have not failed her, you are doing nothing wrong. She is 2, this is what 2 year olds do. My LO used to take his car seat straps off at this age, he is now 3 and has stopped. My LO used to throw himself all over the place if things didn't go exactly as he wanted it, he has grown out of it (although we do get the occasional wobbly).

You don't need to control her, she will grow up and she won't be a monster. You just need to sit it out. If you try to control her, this will probably be counterproductive to your relationship, but you can probably work with her to get her to behave in an acceptable way. How can you help her? Can you work out what situations get her stressed out and either avoid or try to make them a bit more pleasant? I let my 2-year old find things in the shop. If he runs around or screams a lot, then he has to go back in the buggy until the shop has been finished. She will cotton on to what is expected of her. Honestly, this is normal 2 year-old behaviour. Big hug for you though. She and you will get through it.

EffiePerine · 30/06/2008 15:56

Toddlers can be awful sometimes. How much exercise does she get in the day? I ask because we have to factor in at least one long walk around the park/activity with DS (preferably two) for him to be vaguely manageable. If he spends more than an hour or so in the flat he is unbearable.

keevamum · 30/06/2008 15:58

Oh Scooby I feel very sad/ sorry for you. I felt a little like this when I was in the midst of PND. My DD2 has always been a much more demanding baby than her sister was, she is a houdini too also manages to escape from her straps on her car seat and pram and won't hold hands. In the last year I have got back to normal (PND wise) and I can't believe I ever felt that way about her as I did. But the way I felt definitely affected the way I interacted with her and she may be a little monkey but my DD is also highly sensitive and realised that I was feeling low/ stressed and then she would kick off big time. There has also been a marked improvement in her behaviour since she started sleeping properly all through the night and since her communication improved and now I try to reach compromises with her. I understand what you are saying about you and your DP want more control but although I had complete control of my elder daughter I have realised I would be fighting constantly to try to get control with DD2.

I now choose which battles I need to win, e.g she can walk along wihtout holding my hand unless we are by a very busy road then she doesn't get a choice. Also I think you and your Dp need to sit down together one evening and work out what your strategy is going to be. You must be in agreement about it and both be consistent. EG a naughty step/ chair for aggressive behaviour and after following this through within 2 weeks you should see a big improvement. My DD has been aggressive in the past and we have implemented a naughty step, she hasn't been aggressive now for weeks. It really does work but you must be consistent about it and eventually she will learn she will not get anything she wants by this behaviour. I also advocate ignoring some behaviours if they are not too serious and really praising her for any positive behaviours and eventually she will want to receive the praise instead. It is a hard time but it is just a phase I have seen other children who have been very demanding as toddlers grow into lovely children but you do need to try to come up with your plan with your DP and then stick to it. It will get easier I promise and post to let us know what you have decided and how it's going. Don't be under any illusions the first 2 weeks will be really hard she will try her hardest to break you but if you let her then you won't have any control.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

EffiePerine · 30/06/2008 15:58

oh and 'walk in the park' means DS running off with his buggy, climbing and down steps, exploring flowerbeds and benches, generally doing whatever he wants for 1 - 1.5 hours while DH or I trail after him with the buggy and stop him fishing in the bins and bothering strange dogs. Works off energy and gives him a bit of autonomy.

(friends are usually amazed by how much energy he has: is he on the go all the time? Er, yes)

RubberDuck · 30/06/2008 15:59

To make things easier, here is the link to Home Start - click on Find Us, then navigate to your local scheme. There'll be a phone number and/or email address as contact details.

thebecster · 30/06/2008 16:03

It sounds like she's very strong/well-coordinated (in being able to open her straps, climb etc.) which is like our DS - makes it so much harder to discipline him! Lots of sympathy. Agree with what everyone else has said, especially about having a breather, and about lots of physical exercise.

Original poster

ScoobyDoo · 30/06/2008 16:06

Thanks for all the great advice it is helping me to calm down alot & it is also good to know i am not alone cause i feel it right now.

Silence is now in the scooby house i believe she has fallen asleep.

She gets quite alot of exercise, she also goes to nursery 2 days a week & spends a morning with nanny once a week.

We walk to ds's school 4 times a week & we do the usual park & vistiting friends etc.

Everything is a battle from getting in the car to going in the shop to going for a walk etc etc.

She would just like me to open the front door say bye bye & let her run down the road alone, this is what she really wants she is sooo independant, she wants to do everything alone on her own & how she wants to do it.

She loses her temper very easily & gets very angry & will immmediatly bite, pinhc pull hair.

I know she is still sooo young but i am sooo wishing the next few months away.

I suppose her terrible two's & life & the struggle it is at the moment are not a good combination & probably why i am feeling like i can't take much more..

OP posts:

EffiePerine · 30/06/2008 16:08

Reins? I know some people don't like them, but if she won't go in the buggy or hold hands...

It is hard. That toddler Taming chap puts the worse period as 1.5 - 2.5, so you may be coming out of the other side (we are just entering into the inferno)

Original poster

ScoobyDoo · 30/06/2008 16:08

Thanks for the link rubberduck, will go have a look, what do homestart do?

OP posts:

lilyloo · 30/06/2008 16:08

Scooby dd1 is now 3.6 and we are coming to the end of a terrible year with her too.
She is very strong and stubborn and will not be bribed , talked round etc.

I have found the naughty step works to give her and us time to calm down.
I have also enrolled her in dancing and swimming which has helped.

She also attends pre school/nursery twice a week where she is good as gold

Have you a friend who can help out for an hour or so

I also find that choosing your battles helps. So if your going to the shops then maybe tell her she can choose something when she gets there if she does a , b, c

Do you have older dc's i also find showering them with praise helps as she doesn't like this.

Other than that don't feel bad , we have been there and it does pass but i know it's hard!!

EffiePerine · 30/06/2008 16:09

also, is there a certain amount of autonomy you can give her? Nothing that will put her in danger, or make your lives a misery, but littel things like choosing her clothes or doing little jobs for you?

Original poster

ScoobyDoo · 30/06/2008 16:10

Have tried the reins, she throws herself on the floor & won't move, i then pick her & she goes all floppy, scream pinches etc, then i say if you walk nicely i won't carry you, so she does it for another 2 mins then throws herself on the floor again, she wants to be completely free...

OP posts:

MsDemeanor · 30/06/2008 16:10

Does she still have a nap? She sounds like she needs one to be honest, but I know how hard it is to get a tired child to sleep if they are resisting it.

Original poster

ScoobyDoo · 30/06/2008 16:15

Yes tiredness is a major problem, some days i manage to get her to sleep on the sofa, unlike today she has actually not had a nap.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3