Help ADHD preteen learn to tidy?

[niceandsimple]

my DD is 11 and on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment. I am looking for advice on strategies for helping her learn to tidy her room. At the moment she just doesn't see the mess, she thinks she has put her laundry in the basket and she thinks all the rubbish is in the bin.
She doesn't mean to have a messy room, it genuinly doesn't bother her, but I don't want the habits that she has learnt untill now to stick. I want her to be able to look after her things.
At the moment, I have stopped putting her laundry in the basket so that she will learn the hard way, but I am not sure if that is the best way for someone who just doesn't notice the mess.
Does anyone have tips? Or am I best off leaving it altogether, and I just continue to tidy for her? ( I do not think this can be right)
I do not want to be fighting with her over it, I just want to help her.

Give her a list of checks.

Is the floor clear?
Is her bed made?
Are there clothes anywhere they shouldn't be?

You can use visual cues if it would help. Tidy together and take a picture. Print it out and stick it with the tasks list. This is what you are aiming at.

From an adult who really struggles with tidying, have you tried the organised method (formerly mum) app? It has clean alongs where it tells you what to do when. It similar to body doubling which is a strategy for managing ADHD. They have kids and teens ones. My kids rooms are still a mess, so this obviously isn't a magic bullet 😅 but it helps!

I’d go with this too. The TOMM method gives her a clear check list and a short time to do the work. She recommends putting on some favourite songs and giving the clearing up 30 minutes.

Having said that my teen with ADHD has already left for work and I’ve been in to open the window, make the bed and clear away the dishes already.

It is better not to comment on her behaviour, rather you could guide her on how to tidy her room in small steps. Using this technique makes it easier for the child to grasp and perform the task in chunks.

@ExplodingSmittens @oatybiscuits I am happy to try the app, but will this help her notice what is there? At the moment I do sit with her sometimes and guide her, but she just doesn't seem to notice all the clothes, for example. I do think she genuinly doesn't see it, as she wants to tidy, but can't.
An example, is I have a rule, if she wants to cook/bake she can, but has to put all the ingedients away and the dishes piled up next to the sink. She will usually put away 3/4 of the ingedients (without lids often) and just the mixing bowl next to the sink. She will not notice the measuring spoons on the counter, or the flour spill...
I don't want to be contstantly critisising, but she does need to learn how to do this. Or am I just expecting too much?

@TheNewFinch Thank you, I do do this, maybe not as consistantly as I'd like, but this is my project for the next few months. She can be so capable, but then areas like this she really struggles and I have to remind myself not to nitpick, but to compliment when she does well and guide her in those areas that are hard for her. It's a project for me as well as for her...

In short, yes! She’s 11 with possible ADHD. She doesn’t need to do all of that if she bakes. She’s probably functioning at the age of an 8 year old and that’s a lot to expect.

Has she just stated High School? If so, I’d try to concentrate on things that will help support her rather than trying to make her tidy up completely during the same month.

And complimenting her is a really good thing to do, I’m glad you’re doing that. So many people with ADHD have Rejection Sensitivity Disphoria.

My 11 year old is probably quite similar to yours but I would expect him to need a lot of reminders to notice what needs tidied. I'm delighted he wants to cook and expect to still be coaching him through it. I'm probably the same tbh 🫣 though I'm working hard not to be. For tidying up, tomm reminds you to start in one corner, work your way round a surface.

So you are all suggesting I take a step backwards for the moment, and continue to guide/help her. I should wait until she is a bit older before expecting her to take responsibility for it.
@ExplodingSmittens She has just started high school, at a very small school. So far, she has settled well, but it has only been 1 week, so I think they are easing them in slowly. It's hard, because I feel like as a highschooler, she should be able to handle more responsibilty. I guess I need to change my focus.
Thank you all!!

I hate to tell you this but we’re still in the help and guide stage in the late teens. It can be very small steps

so my question in response to that is, I am trying to guide her into being a responsible adult who can contribute to the world in a positive way (and I have no doubt that she will). But I want her to be able to function independantly - have her own home and be able to run it. I do not need her to have superhuman goals, but a clean home is fairly basic!
So, are you saying that this will take longer, but she will get there? Or are you saying that this is just an unfair expectation?

I don’t think it’s an unfair expectation but she isn’t going to magically morph into being NT anytime soon.

My own DC2 has a decent job after being at College, friends and seems happy but I think you need to look at the long game here.

She’ll get there, just like my DC will it just takes a lot more time, support and understanding.