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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

Adoption process

11 replies

wiggles · 28/01/2005 11:05

does anyone have experience or able to give advice about the process?
we are just starting out but Im facing problems already because I choose adoption as first and not to have my own birth child. Social Services find me in the minorty and im facing challenging questions - we have a wonderful home to offer a child of school age and desparately want to adopt - im nervous we wont be accepted incase I change my mind, which I wont!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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secur · 28/01/2005 11:21

Message withdrawn

sis · 30/01/2005 14:04

Wiggles, you got further than we did when we tried to adopt as a first choice - social services were not at all interested - I assumed they thought we were planning on abusing the child/ren . Good luck.

ernest · 31/01/2005 08:26

can't offer much else, other than my bf went through adoption as had unexplained infertility. She chose not to do anything invasive like ivf. She had to promise to take contraception for at least 2 years just in case she did get pg & upset/affect adoptee.

Wish you all the best.

mum38 · 31/01/2005 14:52

hi. I've got 3 children (2 birth and one adopted). We went through the process about 4 years ago. From contacting the adoption agency to our ds coming home took about 13 months in all. I do know of a couple who adopted without having/trying for birth children first so it is possible! I think adoption agencies just want to be sure you have really thought through everything. We had to discuss
our feelings about unexplained secondary infertility
in great detail. If you want any more info please ask!! Also we found our local SS very negative (got the impression no one was a suitable candidate to adopt!) We went through NCH in the end and found them much more encouraging.

titchy · 01/02/2005 12:41

Good luck wiggles - but out of interest why have you decided not to try for your own birth child?

Original poster

wiggles · 01/02/2005 13:15

thank you all for your kind words, - im scared of the birth process - really sounds stupid doesnt it, had a nasty operation as a teenager with a vile doctor who commented - your so childish and how on earth will you ever give birth, well this fear stayed with me so adoption is first always..my pain barrier is non existent.

we start the workshops on Friday and I cant wait... thanks again everyone x

OP posts:

titchy · 02/02/2005 09:53

Wow - what a b*ard doctor to instill so much fear into you. Have you had any help to get over this? Not that I'm suggesting you need help so you can have your own child - you've clearly thought this one out long and hard, but presumably you have a real fear of any sort of pain or operation? what would happen if God forbid anything happened to you or your child, how would you deal with that? Just interested - that's all!

Original poster

wiggles · 02/02/2005 10:04

Hi there, its a very good point and its something I need to think about (especially as we have the workshops commencing Friday) all sorts of questions will be raised..ill keep you posted..

OP posts:

network · 18/02/2005 13:58

Hi All
For Wiggles I had a c section with my DD for med reasons but also i have to admit i was not keen on the pain. My experience was very good, knocked out DD born taken to DP woke up. A bit of discomfort for a few weeks at home and then for me back to normal and i'm an older mum. DD fit happy and healthy. Sucked strongly (ouch) i think that was the most painful exp

shortcake · 18/02/2005 14:23

Our younger daughter now 11 is adopted - we went through our local social services in the end - but it wasn't easy. Keep going for it and be positive and just keep jumping through the hoops - we have never looked back - our DD is a real joy! All the best!

The social worker visits are quite invasive but why not ask the social worker to let you know in advance what you will be discussing - then you have time to think through the issues as a couple and come out with something united. I guess, quite wrongly, that they think those without children will not have thought out issues such as discipline, faith matters, behavioural issues etc - so just stay one step ahead!!

onemoreday · 21/02/2005 20:06

Hi Wiggles
I've only just seen this thread, but offer you all my sympathy and support. The adoption process is very daunting. It took us nearly three years from application to the arrival of our beautiful daughter and all I can say is it was worth every bit of pain and anxiety.

The assessment process is invasive and does raise issues which you may think you have already put to bed. Our social worker told us in advance exactly what we would be discussing so we could spend the week writing down our thoughts and feelings this was then used to talk around with our social worker.

Do hang in there, if you are certain adoption is for you keep pushing, there are children out there waiting for you.

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