The things my 7yo DS says really upset and shock me. I wonder if this is common or whether I should be really worried??

[mackerel]

He will say he's going to kill himself, wants to kill me by pushing me down the stairs, asks how people hang themselves..the level of aggression and violent intent in his words is really high at times.

He's a lovely, bright, intelligent boy. One of 3. Oldest child. doesn't watch scary telly - Scooby Doo at the most. Reads history bks which are q. gory I suppose - The Horrible Histories. Doesn't play computer games. I accept that some of his statements are designed to shock, get a rise, upset me etc attention seeking. However, saying that is this something that many of you routinely experience from your 7yo sons?

I have a ds of 6 and i would too be very upset if he was saying this.

Is he happy ?

Have you gone through a traumatic event recently ?

...has he had access to videos or computer games at other people's houses?

This sounds like a cross between attention seeking and acting out something he cannot truly comprehend.

Ask him why he wants to do these things and say things like "but that hurts" and discuss it philosophically/practically so he can see the implications of what he is saying, then you might get an inkling into where this came from.
I know it's hard to be rational about this but see if you can tease it out of him, rather than leave him saying this. How is he with the other children?

I'd sya he's very stressed at times. We moved house at the end of March. Historically there have always been difficulties for him. He finds social communication difficult and has sort of poor impulse control and would probably be siad to have autistic traits - poss. aspergers but very much to the very mild end of the pectrum. I guess I'm thrown because he has made massive progress in thelast 3 years and I think I stopped feeling anxious about him for a while. Now all those anxious feelings have been reawaken ed and most of me thinks his statements are designed to hurt me, but that thought itself is upsetting. And I have to say that I did check him the other day when he'd had a tantrum, to make sure he hadn't decided to prove a point and have a go at hanging himself.

How is he at school ?

That must be so hard

To be honest I don't know how he is at school. I assume if there were glaring difficulties they'd tell us. historically, however, when we have voiced concerns they've denied any difficulties, only 2.5 terms later at parents evenings to say, wow, he had a very tricky time in the playground in the 1st time but he's over it now. Somethimes it is hard to see the wood for the trees with your own children, isn't it and you end up feeling like an utterly rubbish parent.

I have a 7 year old and no I would never expect him to say anything like that .. he may at extreme moments say 'I hate you' but then he's immediately contrite .. he also loves Horrible Histories

this does not mean that my child is normal and yours isn't because there is a wide range of normal expressions

but that would concern me a lot I think

My dd is 7 mackerel and I have never heard her talk abut killing herself or anyone else. I wonder where he is getting all that from - other kids at school maybe?

I have no idea. I've just been reading th other thread on stroppy 7yo boys and he's right in there with the mummmeeee you are soooo meeeeean! stuff. but it's the self harming things that I'm worried about because I truly do not know where it is coming from. Even if it is designed to get a reacrtion, it is still an unusual thing for a 7yo to say - no? We respond very carefully to things and DH works in child mental health and says he sees behaviour like this - which I have to say is not reassuring. I did not think that this sort of stuff goes on amongst the gen. population, as a typical behaviour, whatever typical means. He said he thought it might. Which is why I was wondering if other MNers typically experienced their 7yos saying this kind of stuff. By he way, his school is great, lovely kids, real family school.

A couple of months ago I was despairing because ds1 suddenly started about wanting to die, and yes, he asked how people hang themselves too. He apparently felt extremely sad about the world and the pointlessness of human existence. He also talked about feeling as though someone was behind him and going to hurt him.

He was seven at the time (he's just turned 8), is also the oldest of 3, very bright, loves Horrible Histories, doesn't watch scary TV, does play some computer games but nothing very violent. So he sounds very similar to your son. I was extremely worried about him but most of all so sad to hear these feelings coming from my little boy's mouth.

Dh had a long talk to him and got him to think about what he was saying and really understand the impact his words had on the people who loved him. It turned out that a lot of what he was saying was for effect (and he certainly succeeded in that respect). More importantly, once we had talked about everything and made it clear that he needed to keep talking to us about these feelings, he moved on and now doesn't say anything troubling like this at all. So in his case it seems to have been a brief but troubling stage which he has quickly left behind.

I really understand how awful it is to hear your son talking like this and hope it's reassuring to hear that ds1 was saying the same type of thing and now, a couple of months, done the line, has completely moved on.