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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Are all 2 year old like this?

58 replies

fizzbuzz · 21/06/2008 17:46

Help Please help, dd is driving me nuts.

She will be 2 in July. At them moment has a tantrum/whinge/grizzle about every hour.

e.g Yesterday, wouldn't eat breakfast. Demanded ice cream. I said no. Cue instant tantrum. Took her out of chair, sat her elsewhere and left her to calm down. Next thing she is in the kitchen baging on fridge door screaming ice cream again. I walked out and ignored her...she just carries on and on.

Dinnertime same thing, not about ice cream but something else can't remember what...

Ditto tea time

She bit me the other day when I was freezing outside and I was trying to put her coat on. She also bit me on the knee during the ice cram incidnet when I was trying to get her away from the fridge.

EVERYTHING is a tantrum. I am worn out with it, all day, every day. Naptime, hairbrush time, finished reading story time, throwing drink on floor time.

How long doe it go on for. I read threads on her about 3 year olds, and I can't face another year of this

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 21/06/2008 17:47

Excuse typos...keys don't always work on laptop

OP posts:

nell12 · 21/06/2008 17:58

When they are like this never say no unless you have no other choice... it will just start a tantrum.

"I want ice cream for breakfast"
"You can have ice cream later on if you are a good girl"

You are doing the right thing by ignoring her tantrums; her biting is her way of getting your attention; that is when you can use the word no!

Desiderata · 21/06/2008 17:59

Take the icecream out of the freezer, and place gently in bin ..

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 21/06/2008 18:00

I have tried saying that eg like after dinner or later on, but she still carries on and on and on.

I really feel I can't do right for doing wrong.....

OP posts:

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 21/06/2008 18:02

Desiderata LOL. The others in the house would not be happy with that!

Ice cream is just an item, it can be banana, raisns, bread, drink anything really.

Also found her trying to get stuff out of bin the other day

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Dottoressa · 21/06/2008 18:04

You poor thing. The whingeing/tantrumming thing is awful, and biting really is not on (that is a definite "no"!!)

Always remember: it is just a phase, and it will pass. All awful phases pass (and are replaced by others that sometimes make the original bad one seem like a picnic by comparison!!)

A lot of problems in our household are sorted out by (eg) simply not buying ice-cream/biscuits/whatever. If they're not in the house, there's no argument about them!

Coats, shoes and so on - with a nearly 2-y-o, I'd let her go without a coat, and carry one in my bag so she can put it on when she realises she's cold. Not worth the battle otherwise! Ditto shoes/wellies/any unsuitable clothing.

I'd save the big "no"s for things that really matter (like biting...)

artichokes · 21/06/2008 18:05

Have you tried naughty step or ignoring?

My DD is 22 months and has days like you describe. I ignore her the minute she starts up and I simply say "I am not talking to you until you stop crying". I then walk out of the room. Usually she follows crying in fury. I ignore until the second she stops or is distracted and then offer distration. Sometimes distraction works in which case I lavish her with praise. If distraction fails and she starts crying again I say "I will count to five and if you are still shouting you will go on the naughty step". This usually works. If she has to go to the naughty step I sit her there and run into the next room shutting the door. She runs after me in fury and bangs on the door. When I then open the door (after 20/30 seconds) to let her see me she is so happy to be with me again that she stops crying. It sounds harsh but really works. Tantrums are becoming much fewer.

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 21/06/2008 18:06

But she won't wear one even if she is cold. Her hands were absoultely freezing the other day, but I didn't fancy getting bitten again

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Desiderata · 21/06/2008 18:06

I know, fizz ... I was just having a larf

It is a bloody nuisance when they're like this. My boy was fine when he was two, but he's been a bloody nightmare of a three year old!

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 21/06/2008 18:09

I have tried sitting her elswhere when she is really bad..she gets louder of course.

I do ignore her tantrums on the whole, but she is so strong willed. The distraction thing has never worked with her. She either gets worse, or loks at it briefly and then carries on as before.

I will try a version of naughty step though I think

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AbbeyA · 21/06/2008 18:25

I should ignore her and make a point of giving her lots of attention when she is being good.

badsmell · 21/06/2008 18:37

i was actually looking today for a thread on behaviour as my 2 year old is exactly the same - it is exhausting isn't it.
I think I will have to cut and paste artichokes tips.

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 21/06/2008 18:40

What are artichokes tips (is this a vegetable or a mnetter?)

She's a mnetter isn't she? Where would I find these tips? (I was thinking about them in the terms of asparagus tips on first reading of your message!)

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LaDiDaDi · 21/06/2008 18:44

DD is the same. We've just been out together as a family for tea and it was an absolute pita.

We have a naughty corner that we use for very serious naughty stuff, I ignore tantrums and try very hard to give appropriate choices to her wherever possible. When she is just being whingy/crying then sometimes I try to mimic her to make her laugh (don't do this in public though ).

It is physically and mentally exhausting but I'm broody for another lo.

badsmell · 21/06/2008 18:48

hadn't quite finished this post -

One of the things my dd does is when I am out she will have a tantrum - usually in the middle of a carpark, supermarket....

She also refuses to go into her pushchair or a shopping trolley and then refuses to walk.....

I had been thinking that it was becoming difficult to go out.
With the shopping today I did have a revelation as if I asked her to put things into the basket or carry something she seemed much happier...

Meal times are tough too, though my dd is a good eater she continually and deliberately throws food on the floor. I am sure you can all imagine what my carpet looks like - perhaps there should be a hall of shame on here of worst areas of peoples houses.

This has all happened over the last few weeks - she is 2 next month.

Fizzbuzz I feel your pain!!!

The other thing is that I think she should have a brother or sister but I wonder how I would cope with a baby and a toddler.

I have friends with twins and they are very strict with them from quite early on which seems to be paying off as they are nearly 3. I wonder whether I have been strict enough as I am reacting against my own upbringing which was very strict.

I type very very slowly but need to get all these thoughts down - much prefer writing by hand. I write much better sentences.

very interesting thread by the way.

badsmell · 21/06/2008 18:50

artichoke tips are something of a delicacy!

I may start on the gin soon now that the grumpy one is in bed!

badsmell · 21/06/2008 18:50

it is the earlier post at 18 05

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 21/06/2008 19:00

Aaaah of course Read the message but not the author.......

Badsmell, mine is like that when she is out. If I try to get her to walk/in pushchair, she just lies down, if I try to pick her up she just goes limp, and lies down again (As I have a v bad back at the moment this is a great wheeze as you can imagine)

I dread taking her to shops...well anywhere really except the park, but even then I have to wrestle her into car seat....

When do they get easier? She is so cute but so naughty. She has the awful naughty giggle, almost manic, my heart sinks when I hear it

OP posts:

Dottoressa · 21/06/2008 19:11

If her hands were freezing, they obviously weren't freezing enough!!

When they are really, really cold, they'll capitulate. I tend to think that once they're old enough to have opinions about that kind of essentially trivial thing, they're also old enough to realise when they're uncomfortable as a result... Ditto wet feet!!

RhinestoneCowgirl · 21/06/2008 19:18

DS often hates getting into his buggy (I swear I end up with my knee in his chest sometimes). He's 2 in July too.

TBH I let him walk when I can, i.e. not in a hurry. I've used reins since he was first walking and he enthusiastically sticks his arms out for them now as he knows that this means he gets to walk. If he looks like he's getting tired I ask him whether he wants to get in the buggy, and have found that he will often agree and let me strap him in no probs.

He whinges for 'schnaaaak' constantly, his delightfully grating way of asking for a snack. I offer fruit or bread, unless I'm about to serve up a meal, as I think some of his tetchiness is down to hunger.

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 21/06/2008 19:24

Dd just uses reins to swing from despite my best efforts.

She will get in buggy if she is tired, but when I see parents pushing thier toddlers round shops/through town I am so [green]. I just have a screaming monster yelling "stuck stuck" "out out" or even worse "help help"

Agree that some of it can be hunger

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ruddynorah · 21/06/2008 19:30

dd is now 25 months. i would say the main things that work for me are constantly reading her next move, thinking her way about things, keeping her busy yet also making sure she gets enough rest and quiet times. also, choosing my battles. if she wanted ice cream for breakfast (we never have any anyway) then i'd probably serve up her normal breakfast with a little bit of ice cream. yes i would. having said that, i'd probably have frozen yoghurt or whatever so it really didn't matter.

ruddynorah · 21/06/2008 19:32

we gave up on the buggy a good few months ago. i just make sure we're never in a rush if it's just me and her.

tori32 · 21/06/2008 19:33

All I can say is distract,distract, distract.
If you want her to put a coat on say ' which coat do you want to wear, not put your coat on.
If you want her to put shoes on say 'shall we get your shoes so we can go to x? Ask her if she can find them.
Shopping, try not putting her in the trolley, just direct her to get things so its a game, just leave more time if possible.
Hair/teeth ask if she wants to do it and that you will 'finish off'.
She sounds bright and is getting towards the independence stage. Very normal and just needs understanding of her need to choose and make some minor decisions. HTH

tori32 · 21/06/2008 19:36

Re the ice-cream, I would have said if you eat your breakfast you can have some after that. Saying direct no without explanations at this age will result in tantrums. Wait while she starts saying 'why?' to everything

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