Controlled crying ...pls help

[Betsy07]

Hi I'm new to mumsnet...

Hope somebody can help.I started CC last week with 7.5 month DS. 1st night was 1 hr..2nd night 35 mins & 3rd night 5 mins.. next few days there were no problems.
Until 3 days ago...he started his old routine and fights his sleep ...trashes...screams..coughs....chokes......I used to go back every 10 mins & leave only when he calms down...but as soon as I leave the room...he starts again & he seems even more upest than b4. So I decided to leave him alone and not go back...I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

Is it normal for them to go back into their old routine so soon?...I thought i was successful.

Thanks BBFly DD2 is a little on the skinny eating is far too boring to sit still long enough to eat much. Sorry this is still a hijack have you and meal ideas? Sorry.

... can I just point out that I pick up DD WHENEVER she needs it in the daytime, I shower her with kisses and cuddles! Just because we chose to CC or PUPD does not mean we are hideous parents who have scarred our children for life as we let them cry for a 2 minute period in the dark. My DD is the most secure, funny, affectionate little monkey who is also a great sleeper and gets the most from her Mummy as I get great sleep too!

I did the cc thing with my son when he was 5 years old it took 2 nights to crack him - but he's a dream now - he's asleep as soon as his heads hits the pillow

so tori, if cc worked so well for you, why is it not working for betsy? Did your dd1 regress ever?

Oh, I hate all this talk of technique when it comes to babies and sleeping, I really do.

lisa34, your ds was ready . Although I did not do CC with dd, at 17 months I weaned her and she suddenly slept through. She was ready too.

Hello again Clutterdup, DD is also a little lean, she cannot be faffed with food most of the time to be honest, sees it as a pain in the bum and less time to play. I make lots of meals for her and always have but when I am just too stretched (I work full time and have 3 kids) and I have to give her a meal from M&S etc she never sleeps as well.

I cook a basic chicken stew with potatoes, the whole thing takes 2.5 hours as a caserole but is delish and goes down so easily as everything is so tender. Also a really gravy heavy (low salt of course!) cottage pie. When she has that as a combination in a day we get a straight 12 hour sleep.

If you want to chat off-post them my email is mellie and min (all one word) at aol dot com. I am off to make dinner now but am really happy to share recipes!

betsy I hope you are still around

When doing CC they do sometimes "revert", especially as your lo is of an age where they are becoming aware of their surroundings.

Search my name in the sleep topic from feb 07 and you will see some very helpful threads, "sleep is for the weak" was an essential part of my life! I mostly lurked but it was all helpful.

Also I would consider teething or a cold just starting. Teething put us back so much, now she has all of her she is a wonderful sleeper.

mmm tori, if your baby really didn't want you hugging them or 'pawing' at them then they wouldn't have been crying in the first place. You can not compare an adults needs to those of a baby. When I'm hungry, i don't cry. When I'm lonely, I don't cry. When I have tummy ache, I don't cry. A baby who is struggling to settle themselves is obviously wanting some sort of attention. Like I say, I'm not opposed to CC, it's a personal thing but don't do it at 6 weeks, then justify it by comparing your needs to those of a six week old!

Thanks BBFly i'll give it a go. Anything for peace from DH complaining about me being tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clutteredup - I am with you on that one!!!

Aggh, tori, sorry, but I think cc on a 6 week old baby is ridiculously controlling.

In fact, I think cc itself is outrageous. My kid slept from six weeks, right through the night. I had no routine whatsoever, apart from having him in the same room as me, and reaching out to comfort him if he whimpered in the night.

He's now 3.7, and he still comes into our bed at night. It's the comfort that makes him sleep. Your method might reap the same end result, but what a way to achieve it!

If I had another child, he/she would probably be a crap sleeper. They're all different, you see? Which is why little regimental 'routines' are really not the way to go.

No. hand on heart I did it from 6wks and had cracked it by 7wks (dreamfed asleep at 2230) by 12 wks she slept 7-7 with no night feeds and never reverted back at any point. I have only ever been disturbed by illness waking- severe virus/colds/coughs. Teething never made her wake because I always made sure she was well dosed with pain relief before she went to bed and gave more before going to bed myself.
DD2 is 11 wks and is nowhere near sleeping through- 2 bf per night, sometimes once between 7-7. I haven't cc her because it will wake dd1 who needs her sleep. She does get cc at bedtime and now goes down after 2 bf (she falls asleep before being full) the third crying she gets picked up/cuddle/wind, then 'its bedtime' 'night night' which she understands means no more pick ups until next feed. She was asleep by 710 tonight.

13 weeks and not sleeping though. Tori, what a travesty.

violetsmile, I know my dcs very well, as I'm their mother. I also know that my babies don't like being over handled and get more and more stroppy if they keep getting picked up when tired. I know this because during the day my 11wk old doesn't mind being dressed touched etc. After her bath when she is tired she hates being dressed, she doesn't want handling. I also know this because she hates being held with her arms in while laid back and won't sleep in her carrycot because she can't spread out properly. I therefore know she doesn't like constant cuddling, she finds it restrictive and annoying.
DD1 was the same and is still not a cuddly child. It is in fact hereditary as my mother and grandmother were the same. Its different personality traits.

lol tori at your dd1 not being cuddly...which of course you wouldn't put down to cc..

blueshoes- I didn't say it bothered me. Just that one method got better results for a good nights sleep than the other I have mellowed Until tonight dd2 was sleeping most of the night in my bed as I fell asleep feeding dd1 was in her own room by 5wks.

I don't equate CC or non-CC with cuddling, though. I have a boy, who can take it or leave it, as always did.

It's about being there when they cry. You don't have to scoop them up and rock them. You just have to be around when they're upset.

Like I say, I was fortunate enough to have a good sleeper, and he's stayed true to form. At three, he sleeps right through, like he always did, and is always dry at night.

I do find the whole idea of CC very unwholesome. Sorry, Tori, because I think you've stood your ground with grace and humour, and I think you're ace.

But you won't find too many who'll agree with it.

tori, I can understand about a baby not wanting handling to go to sleep and need a little cry first. That is different from a baby wanting to be cuddled and held to go to sleep and then protesting it to the depths of their being at being left alone to get themselves off to sleep.

It is fundamentally different. Which is why your success at cc does not always translate to other babies, particularly at 6 weeks, 13 weeks or whenever.

I did cc too, but it wasn't just at night. There was a time when I stroked his face for over an hour til he went to sleep and I felt I was making a rod for my own back so started cc. It was so hard, but I stuck with it and within 3 days he could settle himself. I sit with him if he is unwell but as a rule he is fine to be left wide awake. I also did something similar in the day where if he was crying and I was washing up etc, he'd wait a few minutes, unless he was very distressed. It was my opinion that I felt the need to teach ds that it isn't possible for him to be picked up EVER time he cries, for example if I'm halfway down the motorway, I can't pull over to pick him up and it was my thought that in a situation like that it was more distressing for him if he wasn't used to just crying IYKWIM.

No I put it down to her having lots of independence. I always laugh at the suggestion that you should cuddle your baby 24hrs per day if that is what they want. Yes they might want cuddling all night, just as they might want to not go to school later in childhood........its about balancing needs i.e. need for attention with the need for sleep/rest. Both are important, but if children don't learn to self settle and don't sleep well at school age, leading from not learning how to self settle as a baby, the lack of sleep at night can mean the difference between passing and failing exams, going to uni or not, getting a good job or not, all because they were to tired to concentrate in class because their parents allowed them to play at night rather than sleeping.

The kindest thing you could do is to teach your baby to self settle. I think teaching your child to sleep independently is a wonderful gift, I think CC is one of many ways of achieving this. It worked for mine.I wouldn't class having your child in bed with you every night for 3 1/2 years healthy though. Surely you have to teach them independence and give them confidence to sleep alone.

Tori, I have no truck with a child needing to learn to sleep by schoolage. My dd who, in an ideal world would be cuddled by her mother 24 hours a day, sleeps like a log and has done so from about 2 years, without CC. Before that, she was waking up to once an hour all night long, co-sleeping with me.

In fact, I can do CC with ds 21 months (if I wanted to) and not wake dd.

I don't believe in this starting from infancy business. It depends on the child and when they are ready to sleep through and self-settle.

I know Desi I really am not a hard b in RL LOL! People who know me will tell you I am firm but fair I wouldn't leave my LO distressed but I draw the line when there are no tears and just noise with gaps iyswim, waiting for someone to come and entertain

but CC is all about reassurance. You don't let them cry to 'the depths of their being' as you dramatically put it.

The misconception that you put them to bed, and walk away leaving them to sob in a pit of loneliness and misery is nonsense.

Babies/children protest about going to bed. Often its nothing more than that. Instincts will generally tell you if it is.