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Behaviour/development

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Awful aggressive behaviours from DD

9 replies

Misswatermelon · 22/12/2025 15:53

my 8 year old DDs behaviour is horrific. Recently been referred to cahms after no one listening to me for a few years but as we all know, it's a long wait. Daily behaviour is as follows:
Screaming
Swearing
Throwing things
Hitting out
Breaking things
Running in the road
Answering back
Yelling
Overall disrespectful, defiant behaviour. I've tried gentle parenting, done courses, removal of privileges, consequences for behaviour, rewards for good behaviour, ignore bad and praise good, shouting back etc
She doesn't care about why she's on time out etc and will keep getting off, shouting at me, throwing things at me and asking when can she come in, constantly repeating herself. I've been firm, calm and consistent and walk away after explaining but she screams and explodes that much, she's caught my other children and scared my toddler
I am struggling so much, in tears often. This weekend has been the worst I've ever had.
She fits the criteria of ODD, IED and ADHD but of course I'm no professional so can't say for sure which it is

Then it's causing problems with my OH (not bio dad)
He can't cope (depression and possible other undiagnosed problems) and takes it out on me so daily I have both of them screaming at each other and at me
None of them will back down or listen to reason either
Ant advice appreciated, please be kind x

OP posts:
SleafordSods · 22/12/2025 20:56

I do feel for you @Misswatermelon. You'll know this but your “D”Ps behaviour is not acceptable. What help is he having for his depression?

Misswatermelon · 22/12/2025 21:04

SleafordSods · 22/12/2025 20:56

I do feel for you @Misswatermelon. You'll know this but your “D”Ps behaviour is not acceptable. What help is he having for his depression?

I've got this on another thread also as I don't know where it should be
He's on medication, been to counselling, been to GP a few times who's fought for him to get the referral to a specialist mental health clinic and keeps getting rejected
I 💯 agree it's not acceptable, I've made that clear to him x

OP posts:
Misswatermelon · 23/12/2025 08:38

SleafordSods · 23/12/2025 08:27

That must so incredibly difficult avd I’m sorry that the referral for your DP keeps getting rejected.

Obviously them being in the same house isn’t tenable at the moment whilst he is so unwell. Does he have a relative or friend he can stay with in the short term to try and get some calm?

As for your DD, have you tried the book 10 Days to a less defiant child?

He doesn't want to go anywhere
He hasn't got a problem, it's me and my DD (his words)
I haven't heard of that book,.I'll have a look 😁

OP posts:
SleafordSods · 23/12/2025 09:02

Misswatermelon · 23/12/2025 08:38

He doesn't want to go anywhere
He hasn't got a problem, it's me and my DD (his words)
I haven't heard of that book,.I'll have a look 😁

Not a lot of logic going on there from your DP, but that’s understandable to a point. Surely if it’s you and DD causing the issues he’d want to move out temporarily? Mainly to have a break from the stress and recover more quickly.

I hope the book helps. Have you also applied for an EHc assessment for your DD?

EHC needs assessments

An EHC needs assessment is an assessment of a child or young person’s education, health and care needs

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/ehc-needs-assessments

Misswatermelon · 23/12/2025 09:15

She has an IDP I think it's called in school

OP posts:
SleafordSods · 23/12/2025 09:17

Misswatermelon · 23/12/2025 09:15

She has an IDP I think it's called in school

Are you in Wales?

Misswatermelon · 23/12/2025 09:19

SleafordSods · 23/12/2025 09:17

Are you in Wales?

Yes we are

OP posts:
SleafordSods · 23/12/2025 09:43

Misswatermelon · 23/12/2025 09:19

Yes we are

Ah ok so it’s slightly different to where we are.

What does her IDP include? Does she get a 1:1? SaLT and any other therapy like play therapy?

Is it due for review soon and what are the plans for High School?

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