Do you children help themselves to food?

[pamplemousse]

My dd who is 18m goes into my bag to get cakes when she is hungry. Cakes are apple ricecakes btw!
My stepmother thinks this is wrong, that children shouldn't help themselves, that they should ask.
What do you do/think?

Mine ask first.

There would be a lot of snacking before meals in this house otherwise ...

My children are allowed to get fruit from the fruit bowl and drinks of water but other things they have to ask for. If we were out and they got a snack I'd brought out for them from the pram I really wouldn't mind. I just don't want them eating too much snack things near to mealtimes.

Maybe that was her point, snacking near to mealtime...
Thanks for your replies

ds (now 8) was always taught from v early on that he must ask and never help himself.

This is partly because I think it's good manners (esp. when visiting other places) but also because he has a severe nut allergy and we have to be careful about what he's eating.

But, allergy aside, I think it is better if they ask - or you tell them that certain things are okay for them to help themselves to at certain times. Your dd is very little though - wouldn't worry too much at this early stage!

Dd (nearly 6) has to ask first but can then go and get her own food / make something simple for herself.

Can I suggest you just put a small snack in a box in your bag, so there is only a limited amount of food? I use those weaning cube boxes so they just have a little snack, if it's in their box, it's a clearer boundary? Just a thought

Mine help themselves. In fact, even cook for themselves from quite an early age. We don't have any rules about asking for food.

same here, imaginaryfriend - ds asks first but can get his own snacks / drinks. Sometimes makes his own lunch now he's a bit older - can't wait till he's able to bring me tea in bed - given up hoping for that from dp!

Mine ask (at least they know they're supposed to). Not allowed to eat within an hour before supper. Otherwise, I'd probably say yes- but I do want to count the fruits first to make sure they're not eating the last apple and there's nothing for tomorrow's lunch boxes.

DS tends to help himself to food, but ask if it's anything that isn't accesible to him. All he can really reach on his own is the contents of the fridge and the fruit bowl, so not much.

Same as waswondering. Fruit bowl acessible without asking, anything else has to be approved first. Only exception is Sunday morning when dd(6) is allowed to get ds (3) up and take him down for breakfast. They have a choice of brioche rolls, pain au chocolat, cereal, milk and juice (cups/bowls/plates etc all laid out the night before). It allows dh and I to have a slight lie-in. However dd is in full control and is a very mature and responsible 6 year old!

Same as others here, fruit bowl and need to ask - I have vivid memories as a child of complete freedom over the larder, secretly eating bag after bag of crisps, spoonfuls of ice cream, spoonfuls of golden syrup..no parental control over food at all, funnily enough I never ate my dinner. I'm sure there will be other snacks they can help themselves to when older.

Fruitbowl.

They can help themselves to anything except bananas, and can get a drink of water from the tap or the "cold jug" in the fridge.

They know that once I start making tea there is no more helping selves!

Mine are 4, 6, 8 and eat a LOT of fruit.

Mine have to ask for food or drink but are almost always allowed fruit. I just want to know what they are eating and where.

Oh yes, and weekend breakfast.

We leave cereal/bowls/spoons/bread/pain au chocolat if we are feeling generous out on the table for kids to help themselves so we can have a wee lie in. They can find milk and spread themselves in the fridge.

Dd1 (8) has recently also learned to make a cup of tea. She and her sister (4) love it, so she makes them tea as well.. and me and dh some mornings too! I HATE tea, havent the heart to tell her ......

No free grazing allowed here.

This France, where grazing is Not Allowed

Mine aren't allowed to help themselves to drinks other than water either. We have a fridge with a water and ice dispenser and it has actually made all the family drink loads more water (even after a year ds still finds it such a novelty ).

dd1 4 asks about things that she is not sure are hers i.e if there are crisps that arent usually bought for her she will ask are these mine or daddy's? but for things that she knows belong to her i.e. her spring water, frubes etc she will just go and help herself to them when she wants them.

although she has been encouraged to get food when she wants it because she is a poor eater. the only that bothers me about it is when she gets dd2 things that she cant eat well, i was ironing and not really paying as much attention as i perhaps should have been to the dd's when dd2 threw a whole apple at me that dd1 had gotten her. she was 11 months at the time so obv she needed the apple peeling and chopped up. dd1 had thought that it would be okay as dd2 is allowed bananas whole.

dd1 does know that when i say lunch is going to be done soon she has to stop snacking and being able to help herself seems to have helped her eat more not less of her meals.

But my 10yo and 8yo do get their own breakfast at weekends and choose their own after-school snack (within reason)

I am interested to know if those who have free access to food are good eaters? I sometimes worry that I am too controlling about food - i had free access and was a fat child / teenager and still have to watch closely what I eat. So mine have access to the fruit bowl and water, but have to ask me for a snack otherwise. They are both good eaters - not fussy and clear their plates.
Please tell me whether you think I am too controlling.

Depends on what you mean by good eaters I suppose. My eldest 2 have never been fuzzy eaters. They eat all sorts of food and eats mainly at mealtimes by choice. Ds2 is very very fuzzy. He is a grazer and we have to accept that. He could never sit down and eat a proper meal. He likes to pick on things and for us to get him to eat anything at all we sort of have to accept that. We have a long history with him and food (he didn't eat anything at all for the first 14 months of his life) and have found that being relaxed and making food a complete non-issue he eats more. We don't have a lot of snacks in the house. No biscuits, crisps etc so this isn't really available to my children anyway.

Hmm the only things in my bag (the only place she can reach) is typically fruit or apple rice cakes or those fruit leather things, so not unhealthy. I think I can relax about her helping herself, I think I'd rather she did it when she is hungry, as she seems to, rather than doing it sneakily because she's not allowed, I remember sneaking naughty things from the larder as a kid!

There was a long thread about this a while ago that I started because ~I was surprised that children had to ask for a snack in their own house! Mine can help themselves unless they are about to take the last of something - and on the understanding that if they eat all the lunchbox stuff it's marmite sandwiches and water for lunch until next week. I think children are part of the family community - I don't ask anyone if I can have a cup of tea and a biscuit so why should they?