Do you children help themselves to food?

[pamplemousse]

My dd who is 18m goes into my bag to get cakes when she is hungry. Cakes are apple ricecakes btw!
My stepmother thinks this is wrong, that children shouldn't help themselves, that they should ask.
What do you do/think?

My two ds6 dd4 ask first its never really been a rule its just the way it has developed and its good manners I suppose. I hardly ever say no unless its sweets before mealtimes that kind of thing. I think as they get older they will sort out their own snacks and help themselves more but for now they ask and I usually get it for them.
Im fine with that and they are happy with that.

Ours (almost 4 and 6yo) are allowed free access to anything they want, except sweets. Normally that means that they help themselves to a yogurt or a piece of fruit.

They get their own breakfast - cereal, milk etc are not left out for them but they know where everything is.

I do restrict them in the hour or so before we have a meal though otherwise they would not eat much.

They are both good eaters and have a healthy attitude towards food, DD would rather eat fruit than a sticky bun a lot of the time.

DS is very independant, one time he could not find a spoon for his jogurt and instead of asking for help, he took the lid off and folded the lid to use as a spoon. He was only 3yo at the time.

Most definitely not at 18months. They need to be old enough to understand the rules. I am not keen on lots of snacks anyway, whatever the age. I don't eat between meals, apart from fruit.

My 22 month old will help himself to cereal given half a chance. He's an expert at spotting when I've not closed the childlock on the cupboard properly.

We do encourage healthy snacks between meals. That is usually a piece of fruit, or maybe some fruit toast. I'll generally let him have half a plain biscuit if I'm having a coffee and biscuit and I let him dunk it in my coffee.

I think toddlers need to eat between meals. Certainly mine does - he certainly can't last from breakfast to lunch without needing something else inside him. I won't be encouraging him to help himself though as we need to ration our food pretty carefully.

mine ask and I definitely don't let either in my handbag as stuff would go missing etc. dcs don't really have snacks anyway, don't need to, they eat enough at mealtimes.

ds asks first,always...is almost 11.

Fruit bowl stuff.

dd (3.5) goes and helps self and gets one of whatever for ds (20m) unless its close to diner in which case I explain.

I have always left things like fruit out so DS (3.11) can help himself. Don't see why he should have to ask tbh - it's his food as much as ours .

OK, now mine love a piece of toast and peanut butter as a snack. What age do you think they should be to operate a pop-up toaster? And what about training them to make me a cup of tea - what age do you think sould be safe?
They are 7 and coming up for 9, but would probably need to stand on a chair to safely reach both the toaster and the kettle. Tht sounds quite unsafe.....

My 7 year old can make toast with a pop up toaster and spread peanut butter. My 12 year old can cook a meal for the family with minimal/no help from me,a nd has been able to make me a cup of tea since she was about 10.

I wouldn't let people stand on a chair to use the kettle, but it would be OK for the toaster. But my 7 year old can reach - do you have high worktops or little children? (!)

The fruit bowl is always accessible without asking as are squash drinks, but they still ask if it is ok to have them. Mine are 11 and 8.

I think they ask because they do not want me to go mad if they eat something just before lunch/tea - which is fair enough.

It would be nice sometimes though if they just helped themselves and perhaps looked at the clock and thought mmmm it is only 10.45, lunch is usually at 12/12.30 so it will be ok.

Seeker, both, I think!!!

Mine know they can eat fruit at any time without asking. They are not allowed anything else between meals without asking so mainly they don't bother.

my ds ate whole pallet of plums yestaerday lol

i have food he can help himself to such as fruit other things he will ask for

nothing wrong with it i dont think its not as if its not theres anyway i wouldnt allow him to help himself round someone else's house

Seeker, DH also asks if it's ok if he is about to take the last of something.
It is not something I have imposed but it make sense because I do the food planning and preparation. It would be a shame if he finished the eggs when I was planning to bake a cake.

Absolutely OSOTC - and I would do the same if I wanted to eat the last egg and DP was cooking that night. But that's not about children helping themselves - it's about living cooperatively in a community and looking out for each other, and trying not to make life difficult for anyone else.

Do cat biscuits count - in which case DD is very keen on helping herself . But other than that - gosh I wish she would, she hardly eats anything!

Oh, God, I had forgotten the cat food eating stage..........!

I don't think it's ok when a child goes to fridge and helps him or herself no, not really.

In my house that means they wreck the fridge and break eggs, spill milk etc etc which I know isn't the norm but I have to have the don't help yourself rule. When I was in the middle of teaching DD1 this rule I found her with whole blocks of cheese chewing her way through it, swimming like a mermaid in 12 eggs, crushing raspberries into the front room carpet, things like that!

However in a friends house if their 6 yr old went and helped himself to something I'd be a bit 'ohhh ok,not something I'd be happy with'.

They can ask me for things as long as we're not just about to eat the meal I have lovingly planned/cooked and I'll happily provide fruit in-between but don't want them wandering round the house taking a bite of a nectarine, getting distracted, chucking it aside and me finding it 2 days later. Or helping themselves to a banana and then shoving the skin down the side of the TV for me to find later that day, mmmmm nice!

Mine has fruit bowl and a snack drawer within reach
he can help himself within reason - I would say enough after several pieces of fruit, or if close to a meal time

in answer to earlier question he is a great eater (although quite skinny)
I like him to take responsibility for this part of looking after himself, to some extent
I think it's healthy for children to learn to respond to and satiate their own appetites and not always have this decided for them by adults

Well mine can respond to their appetites by asking!

My DD1 would snack and pick all day if food was left around for her. As she has DS and is likely going to struggle with weight later I don't lkike the whole snacking between meals thing.

And DD2 would only eat biscuits and fruit on the go and never sit down to eat if you let it happen.

mine have free access to the fruit bowl, & we don't really have other snacky stuff. encouraged to get own drinks. ds can make toast & get his own cereal, he's 6. i'm working on him understanding the espresso machine .

I think it depends on the child and what they are used to. Mine can help themselves, but I tend to only have a limited amount of "treat-y" sort of snack stuff in - and when it's gone it's gone and there's no more until the next week, so if it's all eaten on Monday night there's no lunch box treat for Friday.

And I have always been very strict about everyone helping/ contributing to the way the house runs (which may explain why I live in a slum!) so they wouldn't make a mess or if they did, they'd clear it up for themselves (or feel my wrath!)

seeker on Fri 06-Jun-08 23:16:45
"There was a long thread about this a while ago that I started because ~I was surprised that children had to ask for a snack in their own house! Mine can help themselves unless they are about to take the last of something - and on the understanding that if they eat all the lunchbox stuff it's marmite sandwiches and water for lunch until next week. I think children are part of the family community - I don't ask anyone if I can have a cup of tea and a biscuit so why should they?"

Same rule for everybody in our house. I wouldn't eat the ham in the fridge without checking with dh that that wasn't what he'd bought for his lunchbox. I would not be impressed if I had to live on marmite and water for the next week because dc's had eaten all my lunches. I think it is common courtesy to ask before you scoff. We only shop twice a week and have a very limited budget- if my dc's were left to it they would happily eat 10 satsumas each on Saturday afternoon, leaving the whole family without fruit for Monday morning. Yes, it's healthy; no, we can't afford it.

Basically, we don't buy an excess of food, but plan enough for every meal+ planned snacks.

Hoxtonchick, why do you think your DC will struggle with their weight later? You look lovely and slim on your page!