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Original poster

It’s too much

2 replies

Givingup2025 · 11/09/2025 19:39

Hi I don’t know what I’m doing. My 4yr old is driving me insane.

he has not gone to bed properly for four months. We have to drive him around in the car for him to sleep

he is hitting and biting only me. Not dad. He is exhausted but nothing works.

routine is dinner 5.30 watch something from 6-6.30 like Julia Donaldson or bing quiet programme. 6.30-7.15 brush teeth pjs and milk and stories. Then put into bed.

this is when he won’t settle and gets up hits trashes his room.

I’ve been to health visitor gp sleep charities and they all say that it’s a phase.

we had a meeting with the school this week who say he is defiant mainly in the afternoon. Rolls around on the floor goes where he shouldn’t. Laughs when someone uses unkind hands.

the gp got us to fill out forms for adhd/autism but won’t hear for ages. I don’t know if it is adhd and if he is just exhausted and this is causing behaviour.

I just know I can’t cope anymore and want to walk out I am a rubbish parent and I can’t take much more

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 11/09/2025 20:12

It does sound extremely exhausting for all of you.

Has the GP now done the referral for assessment? Has he also referred to SaLT, Occupational Therapy and Portage? If not, I would ask your HV/GP to make these referrals.

Have you applied for applied for an ECHP yet too? This might help him cope at school.

And you are far from a rubbish parent. It’s normal for DC with ND to target parents, particularly the Mum.

Have a look at the PDA Society’s website to see if there are any strategies you can use.

Also have a read of 10 days to a less defiant child.

Will he settle if your DH stays in the bedroom with him?

10 Days to a Less Defiant Child

The best discipline you can give your child is to have the self-discipline to not overreact.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201403/10-days-to-a-less-defiant-child/amp

Original poster
Givingup2025 · 11/09/2025 20:26

BunnyRuddington · 11/09/2025 20:12

It does sound extremely exhausting for all of you.

Has the GP now done the referral for assessment? Has he also referred to SaLT, Occupational Therapy and Portage? If not, I would ask your HV/GP to make these referrals.

Have you applied for applied for an ECHP yet too? This might help him cope at school.

And you are far from a rubbish parent. It’s normal for DC with ND to target parents, particularly the Mum.

Have a look at the PDA Society’s website to see if there are any strategies you can use.

Also have a read of 10 days to a less defiant child.

Will he settle if your DH stays in the bedroom with him?

Thanks for replying. We’ve filled out forms about a month ago sent them to the GP i chased this week but not heard back. She doesn’t think it’s ADHD.

we are under salt already but will look at the others. HV was useless just told me to follow someone on instagram.

I don’t think we’d get anywhere with an EHCP yet. He has only just started and his teacher said she hasn’t had to send him out or anything. Just reiterate the rules. Which he loves.

in just wish I knew what to do to help him. He is clearly frustrated and something is going on at bedtimes. He refused to stay in bed tonight so I took him in the car he was asleep within 10mins. But I can’t keep taking him out

thank you for the link x

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