Its not funny anymore, ds's behaviour is UNBEARABLE

[cheekymonk]

I feel I know what some people may say in response but here I am anyway. I know that 3 year olds are difficult and demanding etc etc but I am just finding ds uncontrollable to the point that i am having suicidal thoughts.
Don't panic, I don't intend to act on them as I couldn't do that to dh and ds but I feel so bloody trapped and unhappy! Today while I was on the phone to my mum he upset whole blackcurrant drink onto his table and light coloured carpet. Said carpet is already minging from all of his other accidents and it is such a battle to maintain basic levels of hygiene!!
He has suddenly started weeing on floor, in empty bath etc despite being very good at potty training. So cleared all this up and ventured into town to buy new shoes. This all went fine until he decided to crawl on floor in tescos until I had to frogmarch him out of there.
At lunch I got him a sandwich combo thing with drink etc and he wanted banana and gingerbread man on top. I got sandwich pack for me and drink. He also ate half of my sandwiches and the rest of his! (Weight is not issue btw he is perfectly healthy) I feel worn down and totally unempowered.
Tonight he emptied another drink all over rice pudding and tipped the lot on the floor. we cleared this up together and as I put pyjamas on he wets the bed!!!!
It is just relentless and so f*ing miserable!
This on top of dh being away and stressful debt/skint situation is just hopeless...
Any advice anyone...please

i have no advice as my ds is being equally horrible at the moment. You are not alone, I lost it so much with ds this afternoon that he ran away from me really frightened by my lunatic style rant at him. This too will pass that's what I keep repeating to myself

A set of reins so he cant bugger off would be a start! And those anyway up cups, they cant be split and adults have trouble getting the lids off.
You cannot have a spill free carpet without kids....well you can give them water in those anyway up cups but really, they do spill things.
Is he still in nappies, or should he be? Is he ready yet?
We are all skint I think...there are lots of threads about that
Wheres DH?

Can you say to him he can wear nappies if he dosn't stop wetting? Sounds really stressful. Are there any friends or family that can come round and help out? How long is DP away for?

Sure you are doing a great job.

I don't buy blackcurrant for exactly that reason. It's water or nothing in our house - very occasionally watered down orange in an anyway up cup....

I have to say, I have found what you've described pretty standard fare, really.... sorry!

It is indeed very frustrating. DD1 is 4.5 and is over most of what you've described but DD2 (2 in August) is waiting in the wings

Try and ignore what you can, chill out about what you can and overall, try to not fall into the Nagging Trap (I am very guilty of this, and it ALWAYS makes the dd's behaviour worse)

break it down into manageable chunks

I'll start by saying you are feeling exactly what ALL parents feel at some stage ... so tick that .. you're normal .. you're just in a bad stage and it's colouring your entire view .. but it will get better

OK the accidents .. they are really really annoying, they seem to be purposeful (and I have no doubt a couple are because of the reaction it gets ..

so stuff you can do .. big plastic sheeting from DIY shop under the table, wipe clean mat on the table ... remember that he will have better motor control in a year or so .. you can give him beakers back

weeing on the floor ... transitory stage .. happens to them all .. power play .. either revert to nappies and leave potty training, bribe for wees in toilet or leave it

food .. he's hungry .. growth burst coming .. let him eat and eat and eat

YOU .. take a day off when DH gets back .. go for a walk in a park

BOTH OF YOU .. find the moment that you are just filled with love for DS and hold on to it in your mind

HTH

oh love sounds normal.

tomorrow will be better... it will... honest.

(and if its worse the day after will be better... it will... honest.)

Are you on your own or have you support?

Pour only Small amounts in drinks cups & hover over them until drink is finished. DS is nearly 4 & we have recently reverted 2 using Anyway Up cups.

Hello,
DD only small stillbut wanted to give good vibes to you. SOunds like you
're doing a great job and he's maybe reacting to stress, daddy being away, growth spurt,, power struggles etc. Maybe look at some old photos and rememeber he's still (essentially) helpless and is just a very annoying part of his learning.

Agree with drinks. Blackcurrent was banned in my house till I was 12...... Water or mega weak juice comes out well. Get him to clear it up? Is he just three or nearly 4?

Everything is crap when DH is away and you're skint. Plan a nice day you can look forward to. Is he at nursery in morn? do you work?

Carpets in houses where young children live get minging. That's normal. Do a once-every-six-months hire of one of those industrial washy vacuum cleaner things (oh what the heck are they called????) and the rest of the time, don't sweat it. Little children drop things, generally without thinking "now, how can I make my mother really angry???" first. There's no point sweating the basic hygeine one, IMO (but I am a complete slummy mummy)

Weeing in odd places - what twiglett said.

crawling on floor in tescos - whyever not? Take some time to lean on your trolley and watch the world go by, meet the eyes of other people passing and say cheerfully "ah, it's all machine washable!" and "amazing how fascinating other people's dust is!" and things like that. (Yes, I'm usually the mummy down on the floor with the small children, going "oh yes, I see, what an interesting shadow!" and other such inane comments, but it keeps us all happy and that's the main thing)

And it sounds to me like your Ds isn't totally invested in pottying yet. Ask him, in a nice way, if he'd rather be in nappies so he doesn't have to remember to use the loo. Or of he'd rather be in nappies at certain times of day. Or he could wear one just for insurance, but try to use the loo when he remembers. There's no point hurrying that process along - when a child is ready, then they are ready, and they are the ones who know it.

Wooden floors or tiles are a godsend! All children knock over drinks. Three year olds, and I've had a couple myself, sometimes they do wet themselves, even ones you think are trained. Lots of three year old little boys are still in nappies you know, no shame in that at all. I would also guess you've just had a bad day when you are tired and feeling a bit frail, and tomorrow WILL be better. Have a lovely evening, and don't despair!

And WOW he was good in the shoe shop! That's a big achievement for a three year old. Well done both of you. I've had some TERRIBLE times in shoe shops!

Ahhhhh mate. I've started my own thread about what a day I've had of it today too. It is soooo hard but it really is happening in pretty much every house, everywhere, where kids are involved.

My 2 yr old pushed her cup so hard across the table saying'don't want it' in a huff becasue she couldn't have the sweet another child had given her that it covered the whole table.

DD1 used to empty drinks all the time just becasue she liked to see it happen.

Our carpet is RANCID!!!!!!!

Give him a spouted cup so that he can't spill drink until you can trust him to drink it nicely. Only let him drink juice at table. If he wants to wander around with a drink then its water in a sports bottle thing???????

It is relentless yes. I keep thinking to myself lately -ohhhhhh I'd so love a week off from all this'.

Sorry mate. But it must help a bit to know that we're all going through the same thing?

I could list mad irrational things my DDs have done today, inc throwing clean towels into the bath they had this morning, emptying out all the drawers in their bedrooms.... oh the list goes on and on.

Ah thanks all. What lovely supportive posts!
DH is in the navy and despite us agreeing to him staying and leaving at 12 year point he is considering doing it sooner.
DS is usually dry in day and nappy/pull up at night.
Drink was in one of those nubu (?) cups that do slightly spill. He undid lid and just tipped it out.
Have no support at all which I know is part of problem and not ds fault.
I work 3 days a week so always have that "break" to look forward to...
I do actually feel like I am losing my mind!

Mmmmmmm, can you get any support?

Is he in a nursery. Work is good, at least you can escape there now and then. I'm on maternity leave but when I was at work I did 3 days and it was such a break!

Have you got mates with kids that you can go to the park with so DS can run wild and you can moan/natter with other mum?

It must be very lonely and full on for oyu with you DH away.

Yes he is in nursery which he likes and has made lots of friends.
I, on the other hand, am useless at making friends as I fear rejection. I know a couple of mums and we take it in turns at each others houses but it is only once a month. I am always on my own with ds and can go a whole weekend with only talking to mum and dh on phone.
Dh and I have talked about moving back to my hometown but am not sure. Him staying in navy is best financially but it is making us all miserable.

Poor you. He does sound like a normal 3 year old. My brother was describing his time with his recently and it was very very like what you described. When I had a 3 year old I also had a 1 year old and baby so perhaps that diluted the impact of the 3 year old and I worked 5 not 3 days a week so got more of a break than you do in that sense.

I think 3 years old is a difficult stage and it gets much easier.

My sister would often ring me up and say I was the only adult she has seen or spoken to over a weekend and there am I really busy with lots of things to do but trying to give her some time on the phone. I am not sure what the answer is except that he will grow up. It doesn't really matter that the carpet is messy or you've no money in terms of him developing properly and being loved but it does mater if you're cross all the time so making you happier will help. I could not have stood being alone with a child for all that time and I knew my own limitations and so I arranged things so that woudln't happen. other mothers seem content to be home 24/7.

Hmmmmmm well you gotta work on that rejection thing and work on building on the friendships you have. Be brave. Think I'd go mad if I had a whole weekend with no other grown up company.

So how far is your home town?
Can DH not stay in navy and you move back to home town?

Oh God - when you all say 3 is a hard age - does that mean life with DD2 (who is 2) is going to get even harder? Please God NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

actually TC- I found for the first 2 years of his life, DS2 was quite simply horrific- once he hit 3 however- he completely changed.

He was so bad that had he been born first, i really doubt that I would have even considered another child.

Now he is such a wonderful, funny little boy ( apart from tonight with the penis incident- he has since put a pair of pyjama bottoms on his head as 'long hair'- I am slightly disturbed)

So I think it does get easier ( or maybe you just think- sod it) and go with the flow.

In my view a small baby who doesn't sleep is the very worst thing and stage. So nothing is a bad as that because you're so exhausted and sleep deprived. Then I think terrible twos are pretty hard but 3 year olds can be exhausting. I suppose 3 is a bit easier than two except they're a bit bigger and heavier so harder to move around.

Over 5 is dead easy. 5 - 11 delightful.

Teenagers - we got three through that stage - are good at making themselves very objectionable but it's not hard in the sense that small children are hard.

But I do think for some men and women you just aren't mentally suited to being with a child for the whole of a day. I never was but I was lucky to have an involved husband and whilst i worked help with childcare. It did take me a few years to realise I just wasn't cut out for being with the children for long periods on my own, something a lot of men cotton on to too. But then some men and women adore it and think nothign is better than a whole weekend alone with a child under 5..... God knows why but they do.

Right, becasue when I had DD3 I thought, right it's going to be a really hard 3 years but after that it will get better, because DD3 will be 3 and over the worst of it, DD2 will be 5 (that's gotta be the best bit to hit at this point like Xenia says) and DD1 will 9 but have the development age of a 5 yr old (god willing).