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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Oh my god when will it end!

81 replies

squinny101 · 30/05/2008 09:00

My dd (11 mths)has never slept through the night. Not once ever.

She wakes up in the night for a comfort bottle at about 3am which we have been trying to get her out of.

For the last two weeks we have been controlled crying but its just not working. She just screams for hours and I was under the impression it only took a few days. She's just not getting it. We are both absolutely exhausted. My DP has to go to work and I look after the children all day then go to work in the evening.

I have tried everything but this child just won't sleep through. Can someone please help me!

OP posts:

YeahBut · 30/05/2008 09:06

Is giving her a bottle at 3am quicker, easier and more effective than cc? If, after 2 weeks, cc isn't working, I'd suggest that she isn't ready to go without it yet. We're always very keen to impose our schedule upon children, but sometimes it just doesn't work that way.
My dd2 was like this and dh and I use to alternate nights for giving her a quick drink so that every other night we would get to sleep through, even if she didn't!

Original poster

squinny101 · 30/05/2008 09:10

She's just so miserable in the day. She spends most of it following me around crying.
I was giving her a bottle and letting her feed herself. Maybe a couple of ounces out of the cot and then putting her back in awake?

I just want some bloody sleep but of course DP is far more tired than I could ever be

OP posts:

mankymummy · 30/05/2008 09:13

whats her sleep pattern like during the day?

what time do you put her down?

ah the good old "i'm more tired than you" debate. i love it. had same with DP this morning even though he snored most of the night!

hercules1 · 30/05/2008 09:13

Are you doing cc correctly? She shouldnt be screaming for hours.

Original poster

squinny101 · 30/05/2008 09:16

She will have a two hour sleep in the morning and then maybe an hour in the afternoon. Is knackered by six pm and goes down with no problems after a bath. She wakes up about ten for a bottle as she won't have one before bed (which I'm fine with).

Then wakes up about 3am.

She is in the same room as us as I don't want her waking up the other two. I have been trying to leave her to settle herself and then when that does not work I get up and pat her and reassure her and keep going back to her cot but it just makes her even worse. Eventually after about an hour and a half she will scream herself to sleep. There is no setting her she just becomes enraged!

OP posts:

BlueBumedFly · 30/05/2008 09:19

My friend's baby is 13 months old and is in the same situation. She has never managed to do cc as the baby will cry till she is sick. They give water in the night instead of milk and after a while baby has got into the swing of going back down on water only. Now, half the week she sleeps through and half the week not.

How are your DDs day sleeps? I was told that until the day sleeps were sorted the night sleeps wouldn't work. My DD does still need 2 days sleeps on the days she is as home as the 3 days she is at nursery she refuses to sleep!

Also, are the sleep signals right (I am sure you have tried all of this but thought I would mention it as again it worked for me) We have a soft toy that is for bed only and it acts as a sleep signal.

Poor you, it must be exhausting as it sounds like DD is very tired in the daytime too.

YeahBut · 30/05/2008 09:22

And if cc is going to work, it usually only takes 3 days. Look, I'd just leave it for a few months and alternate nights with dh.

shreddies · 30/05/2008 09:32

If she's used to having a bottle at 3 she will probably be waking up hungry and expecting milk. You could start to mix water and milk together to gradually wean her off it. This worked for us. I'm not a fan of cc anyway, but if she's screaming that much it might be time to give it a break

hercules1 · 30/05/2008 09:34

THat's not cc you're doing. CC means going in and checking every few minutes - starting with leaving them for 1 minute, then 2 etc never for a long period of time. Never done it myself but I would leave it for a while for her to recover then do it the proper way,

Original poster

squinny101 · 30/05/2008 09:43

I told the health visitor I wanted to reduce the formula but she told me that I should not change the consistency of it.

I am trying to do the best I can but at that time at night and when the screaming is in the same room as you, it starts to get you down!

If I didn't have another two under five I mgiht find it a little easier.

I'm beginning to lose it a bit in the day.

I asked the doctor if they could prescribe sedatives but looked at me as though I were an evil bastard.

OP posts:

TheProvincialLady · 30/05/2008 10:00

Oh you can do that with watering down the formula - as long as it is just that nighttime one. I checked with my HV and she said it was fine! I watered down EBM until it was just 100% water and my DS was fine - he was 15m. But I still had to go cold turkey on the water, as it is more comfort than nutrition IYSWIM?

BlueBumedFly · 30/05/2008 10:16

squinny101 this sounds more serious than the thread first mentioned.

If you are this distressed then you need to find some good advice. Is DD still in your room as there is no other choice? Would she be sharing a room with your other DC? Is there anyway of having her in a room of her own to do the cc properly. I cannot see how she would settle in the same room as you knowing you are there to pick her up.

I would reduce the formular down. As you said it is comfort, not nutrition so as long as she is getting enough calcium etc during the day then I would water it down. HV can give textbook advice some of the time that is no help. Others are great I know. Try watering it down then move to water. Can you and you DH get some sleep in another room every other night to try to catch up a little?

Do you have a friend or parent who could have your other two DCs for a weekend so you cna concentrate on the little one's sleep pattern?

I did CC at 4 months and it did only take 4 days but I did it on the day sleeps first. Checking on her at 1 min then 2 mins. After that I went in at 3,4,5 mins but did not pick her up, just kissed her and stoked her, did not speak just handed her back her soft toy bunny and walked out. It nearly broke my heart but it did only take 4 days.

I have to go out right now but I am really worried about you. Do you have anyone who can help??? Sending a big hug!!

Original poster

squinny101 · 30/05/2008 12:10

DD is still in our room as we have two other children (2 and 5) in their bedrooms. My son is away with his father this weekend (from a previous relationship) so will try moving her in there.

Unfortunately can't get any help. my mother has no interest in helping me at the weekends as it interrupts her busy social life!

I would not dare ask DP to go in another room. He is finding it all particularly stressful I did tell him to go in another room but he won't. He is working all day then we are both dealing with very little sleep.

I don't know what else to do. I know they do prescribe sedatives for older children but not sure what the deal is for babies!

OP posts:

BlueBumedFly · 30/05/2008 13:56

I am truly worried if you want to sedate a child but can understand that the constant crying is shatteringly stressful for you.

However, sedating her won't teach her how to fall asleep on her own which is the skill she currently lacks. All sedating will do is knock her out and she will become listless and her development may suffer.

I really think you need to go back to your GP and tell him/her the whole story. Of a Nurse at the practice, someone you can sit and speak to about the way you are feeling, not just DD's issues.

I am so sorry you cannot get any help, it must be extremely hard. What part of the country are you in?

This weekend move DD to another room and try control crying the proper way. If she wakes at 3am you will be able to offer some milk or water and place her back down without her being disturbed by you being in the same room.

I wish you all the luck, keep in touch and let me know if you want to talk through control crying etc.

RubyRioja · 30/05/2008 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cariboo · 30/05/2008 14:07

I think the OP meant she wanted to sedate herself! and I don't blame her...

Just think, this too shall pass! xx

BlueBumedFly · 30/05/2008 14:10

Good point RubyRioja, I had completely forgotten I did that too!!

I never went backwards in time if you see what I mean. DD used to sleep 7 - 2 - 7 for the first 3 months then the 2am became 3 and so on. If she went back in time to 2 I would hold her out and so on. When we go till 4am I held her off another 10 mins every night until she got fed up and slept through out of sheer boredom I think!

Original poster

squinny101 · 30/05/2008 14:24

I just want to get this straight before I do this.
So I put her in my DS room tomorrow night.
When she wakes up at 3am I try and stretch it out as long as I can before I give her a bottle (but then only watered down milk). Then try and increase it by ten mins every night.

Is that what you mean?

I did mean sedate the baby but desperate times call for desperate measures. Have not had a full nights sleep in 11 months have an extremely high maintenance 2 year old and a 5 year old at school. Plus have to work every evening and have 0 time to myself!

OP posts:

CarGirl · 30/05/2008 14:29

Your baby seems to have a lot of sleep during the day and then goes to bed quite early, perhaps by 3am she's not that tired anymore so is quite capable of keeping the screaming up.

TBH at 11 months old I can't see watering down the formula being harmful provided she is eating a decent & varied daytime diet. I think watering down formula if the are mainly ff is different.

RubyRioja · 30/05/2008 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueBumedFly · 30/05/2008 14:54

If she went to be at 7pm could she take a bottle then perhaps? The last hour would be hideous for few days but the change of pattern might change the whole night?

cariboo · 30/05/2008 15:01

Oh. Well tbh, I had sedating fantasies myself but only gave into them when flying long-haul with 22 mos-old dd. Cough mixture, which she barfed back up about 1 hr later. Flight from hell. Anyway, don't sedate an 11 mos-old. Maybe she's got a reflux problem? Can you check with a gp?

Original poster

squinny101 · 30/05/2008 15:04

She has had reflux but that has stopped now. She had a serious proble wtih it and was hospitalised several times when she was first born. Does not seem to be any issue with regards to keeping down her feeds but will not eat much solid food still puree (but that is another long painful story)!

OP posts:

Mij · 30/05/2008 15:08

It sounds like you both need a break. You've had even less sleep the last couple of weeks by trying to change her waking pattern, and I really do understand how desperate you can feel when you're sleep deprived. But ime, you need to change sleep patterns when you're not desperate. Which I know is an anomaly but could you just do what gets you all the most sleep for a few days, then when/if you feel a little better, try again?

CC doesn't work for all children, whatever others tell you (and yes, that includes people who have done it 'properly') in the same way most 'one size fits all' solutions don't work for absolutely everyone.

Do you want her to drop the 3am feed because it's tiring you out and you can't catch up any other time (working evenings too sounds tough, with two other kids) or because you feel she should be sleeping through by now?

Only ask cos, through lots of research about sleep when I tried to change my DDs patterns, I discovered that our expectations of when kids should sleep through seem to be wildly out when compare to what most kids actually do.

But - I understand that's no consolation when you're knackered. Sorry you're having such a rough time.

scattyspice · 30/05/2008 15:09

Have you tried bringing her into your bed when she wakes? That way at least you'll both get some sleep.

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