Oh my god when will it end!

[squinny101]

My dd (11 mths)has never slept through the night. Not once ever.

She wakes up in the night for a comfort bottle at about 3am which we have been trying to get her out of.

For the last two weeks we have been controlled crying but its just not working. She just screams for hours and I was under the impression it only took a few days. She's just not getting it. We are both absolutely exhausted. My DP has to go to work and I look after the children all day then go to work in the evening.

I have tried everything but this child just won't sleep through. Can someone please help me!

I have bought her into bed with me when she wakes up but don't want to get into the habit of co-sleeping. She is a very clingy baby most of the time anyway.

I would really like her to drop the 3am feed as I think she is having enough food to sleep through the night now (was not bothered by it when she was refluxing so know she needed the food) and also I would just like a full nights sleep. I have not had one night off and unfortunately do not have any outside help.

My plan is the following:
Space out her naps during the day. One hour in the morning and one in the afternoon rather than two hours in the morning and being shattered by 6pm.
Move her bed time to 7pm and give her a bottle before bed.
Move her out of our room
When she wakes up at 3 on the first night. Wait until 3.10 till we give her a feed, next night increase it to 3.20 and so on until she sleeps through. Also water down her bottle until we are just giving her water.

Wish me luck!

Poor you! Both my dc had terrible colic, reflux, allergies... so many broken nights, I can't believe dh & I survived & are still (relatively) sane!

Gp finally recommended giving ds baby rice cereal mixed with b'milk at last feed before our bedtime (around 11pm) because it takes longer to digest. It must have worked, or maybe maturity.

I would not be too sure that the reflux has stopped totally. DD has 'silent' reflux apparently, she is on Ranititine and Gaviscon, as soon as I try to take it away she starts to feed less, get upset tums and generally feel lousy. Dr says it can go on till 2 years.

My friends had a v similiar experience at about the same age and in the end, ended up paying for a sleep clinic (it was their second child and not novices and they tried everything and were desperate).. The sleep clinic really helped (it was one meeting with phone suupport and guidance) and within 2 weeks they had their dd sleeping through with the help of the sleep clinc. When I had sleep problems with dd1, HV offered to refer me to sleep clinics but know my friends paid as they were at wits end. Think was around 200 pounds.

Havent had a chance to read the complete thread but just wanted to say that I ad very similar situation with DD. Had tried cc but didnt work after a week. Was advised to that she might actually be hungry. Gave her more to eat at dinner time and made up my mind to feed her when she woke in the night and give up on the cc. That first night she slept right through and has done ever since. I felt terrible as she obviously was hungry, not just in the habit of feeding at 3am!! It might be worth giving it a try.

If she's upset during the day as well, could she be stressed as well as tired from the cc. I'd say go with what she wants for a couple of weeks, so she's calmer before trying anything new. She'll get too confused and even more stressed otherwise (+ so will you!) + nothing new will work. I totally sympathise though. At that age, my darling son was waking up five times a night and I was a barely functioning zombie..

Sending you lots and lots of sympathy and hugs. It must be very hard. Your plan to wait for 10 mins then gradually increase it sounds fairly good although 10-23-30 mins of crying in the night will be hard so try and stay strong.

Does she seem in pain in the day or just generally grumpy? Is she easily distracted for example when out and about or in the buggy? I agree that at this stage she would be better off having two naps if she seems unhappy. My ds is a grumpy sod but sleeps OK at night. He has only just gone from 3 naps in the day to two naps and still sometimes has 3 if he is in the car. As much sleep as possible may improve her mood and actually mean that she sleeps better at night as she won't be wound up and overtired during the night.

Hope things improve. Has she always been unhappy in the day? If so I would double check the reflux again as it could still be troubling her. Don't know what to suggest really just wanted to wish you well!

My dd ( almost 12 months) has just started to sleep through - she is in our room b/c we have two other DCs and recently would still be waking at 1/2 am to feed. We have just started giving her "hungry baby" formula at bedtime and she has been sleeping through since then and waking between 5 - 6 a.m in the morning. I don't know if it's a coincidence or whether the new milk is the reason that she's sleeping longer but it might be worth a try - it's Hipp Growing Up milk. Good luck!

10mo DS2 has only ever slept through the night twice, so I know exactly how you feel.

I am shattered and am shouting at nearly 3yo DS1 much more than I would like - I would love to be the more patient mummy that I used to be. DH and I had a MASSIVE row at 4am the other morning after I had spent 4 hrs trying to deal with restless baby while he slept peacefully.

I have been reading the No-cry sleep solution as recommended by others on here, it has helped a little and there is definitely improvement in his daytime naps etc. I would definitely recommend it as it is not a 'strict' regime like cc.

havent read all the threads but yr thread at 9.16.53 is exactally the routine i have with my 13mth old although he is starting to drop the second sleep.

My ds1 had a bottle every night for 19mths and yes, it was a pain but we were up for 10 minutes (my hubby pulls his weight BIG style) max and it was so much easier than the screaming. Then at 19mths we said "no more" and he slept through ........... until 5am which became his new get up time. He is now 4.5yrs and sleeps till 6.30am.

It would appear that ds2 is going to be the same

I know what you mean squinny. DS came into our bed at 20mnths (when DD was born) as he had never slept through and with 2 LOs awake at night, I just couldn't cope. We didn't get him to sleep consistently in his own bed until he was 3.5yrs. DD has also slept with me since birth (for the same reason). She's now 3 and I'm still waiting for her to sleep through consistently.

I think you just have to do what you have to to get some sleep.

Last night was shit. Mainly because I think she is a bit under the weather she has a cold. I put her down after a bath etc. she woke up at about twelve for her bottle which I gave her she only had half and the went back to sleep. I then went to bed and she woke up at about 3ish. I left it ten mins then gave her the rest of her bottle. She went back down. She then woke up at 4.30 and screamed blue bloody murder. Until I threw a tantrum and told my DP I was leaving as I was sick of no fucking sleep (reasonable I know).

She fnally went back to sleep and woke up at 5.30. My DP (now scared of me) got up with her. I then stormed downstairs at about 6.30 gave her breakfast then put her back to bed at about 8am for an hour and a half.

She then had another sleep in the back of the car for about an hour.

So this evening. She had her bath and a bottle about six pm. We moved her into her brother's bedroom which she did not appreciate and cried for a while. I went in and out every ten to fifteen minutes calmed her down and left. She finally fell asleep about 7.30. Will let you know what happens.

My plan is to do the CCing if she wakes up for her ten pm feed (which she should not do as she has had her bottle). Then carry on.

Wish me luck! Sorry long one.

Just read your thread - wishing you lots of luck. I remember how hard it is being sleep deprived for months on end so big hugs!

Will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Hi Squinny, how did it go last night? All the best for tonight!

She woke up about 4am. I went in there every few mins. She became really really enraged went back down after about half an hour. Woke up again at about 5.30 - i became really really enraged threw another tantrum. She then went back to sleep till about 6.30 by which time I was up with the other two anyway.

She went down tonight at six pm but only had half her feed. She has just gone back to sleep after a few mins moaning. So am not sure whether to hold out and see what happens. Or give her the rest of the feed.

Opinions please!

I really sympathise with you and I have only one child not sleeping. My dd is 16 months and we now just give her a bottle when she wakes as its easiest and quickest for everyone. Every now and then she doesn't wake. Not v useful I know but youa re not alone!

Squinny - I do know how hard this is, I had three under 3.5 at one point. It is just mad being pulled in so many directions. Could dh let you have an afternoon kip on one of the weekend days?
Is it possible she is not eating enough during the day (you hinted that she wasn't good at eating). Could you try and give her some extra food early evening? Would she eat something like porridge or mashed banana? To be honest anything that would fill her up would do.
I would also try putting her down later in the evening (say 7 pm) and possibly cutting some of the daytime sleep. Try the food though as I bet you need those day naps for your sanity.
What time do you go to work as that would probably make things we are suggesting harder to do.

Going by last night I am giving up the controlled crying. She went down at 6pm as I said then woke up for her bottle at about ten which I did give to her.

She then was up at 4am and I did the controlled crying thing. She screamed until 6am when I gave in and got her up and gave her some breakfast.

DP and I have had a massive row this morning because he is really tired too having been 'awake' for that time. I said he was doing a good impression of being asleep and it was harder actually getting out of bed every so often to go and pat her rather than just lying there. To which he replied he has to go to work and I only have brain taxing tasks to do like take the kids to school. This comment almost pushed me to murder but I ignored it.

I am of the mind of just giving her a bottle at 4am so I can go back to sleep - she can self feed. Its selfish I know but we are at the tearing each others throats out stage of being tired and not sure how much more I can put up with.

I also work every evening 5-8 - have asked DP to put her to bed slightly later but he does not want to as he has been at work all day and wants a break from it (yes I know)

Not sure what else to do for the best.

CC does not work for every baby. Some babies are far too stubborn and strong willed. 2 hours of screaming is too much for her to do again so I think you are doing the right thing. i have never been able to leave my ds to cry. I'm probably making a rod for my own back but I don't care. I can't leave him for more than a couple of minutes. Thankfully, until recently he has slept for 12 hours a night so it wasn't an issue however, separation anxiety and teething have thrown a spanner in the works lately but I just get up and feed him again.

I know it's knackering but it's far more stressful for you and her to hear her scream for 2 hours just for you to give in and get up anyway. You're gdoing the right thing. If cc was going to work, it would work within the first week. x

squinny you sound just like I did with my DS: fit to explode through exhaustion. I posted earlier on this thread, but I honestly think your lo might be as stressed as you are about it all. It was definitely so with my DS. In the end I relented and just went with it. I let him sleep very close by and fed him when he wanted me to and once he'd realised that it wasn't a battle, the difference was amazing. Instead of waking and roaring, he woke and was calmer. It took about a week, then after that I gently dropped the feeds. It did take a while, but it definitely worked. I really really feel for you. I haven't a clue how I got through those days. Wishing you better nights and soon.

oh dear sounds awlful and nerve shattering.... no experience of this myself but 2 friends who had really similar only got round it when they went cold turkey on the milk..... it was hell on legs for a bit then fine. The milk was a habit for comfort (and then you get hungry for it becasue your whole system expects it). They had tried it half haearedly (ie not giving) before and then given in (because like you the wailing was all too much and when you're tired and you know the milk will get them back to sleep well who wouldn't). You sound so knackered so in no position to know whats best. If you can you ad ds need to work as team pick a strategy, milk, no milk, watered down milk, cryting, co cry sleep solution etc doesn't matter which but be consistent until it works. Don't chop and change....
Hope it all gets better soon...

Not sure if this was successful or not but a bloody relief. She went down at 6pm again (allegedly I was working so not here). She then whinged for a bit and then woke up again at 4.45 for her bottle, which I gave her. She then was up ready for play at 5.20 which is what leads me to think that she was put to bed earlier than 6pm.

The thing is I have no way of proving it but it is not helping the situation. I know dp does not want to have to deal with three overtired children in the evening by himself, but 5.30 is in my opinion the afternoon not bedtime.

So guess who was up at 5.20 and guess who stayed in bed. I swear this whole lack of sleep thing is the cause of all wars.

Oh I hate it when my dh says "I'll get up with Joseph in the morning, you have a lie in". Everytime for some reason I believe him so at 5am when ds is wailing I lay there expecting dh to deal with it but yet again this morning, I was up at 3am feeding til 4. then 5:25 to start the day. GH is STILL in bed and I'm fuming AGAIN! If he didn't say he was going to do it, it wouldn't bother me as much but I get all geared up for a lie in when never comes to fruition and I'm so so so tired! Think you could be right about the cause of all wars thing!