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Oh my god when will it end!

81 replies

squinny101 · 30/05/2008 09:00

My dd (11 mths)has never slept through the night. Not once ever.

She wakes up in the night for a comfort bottle at about 3am which we have been trying to get her out of.

For the last two weeks we have been controlled crying but its just not working. She just screams for hours and I was under the impression it only took a few days. She's just not getting it. We are both absolutely exhausted. My DP has to go to work and I look after the children all day then go to work in the evening.

I have tried everything but this child just won't sleep through. Can someone please help me!

OP posts:
fourlittlefeet · 06/06/2008 21:22

squinny, for what its worth, my 11mo was doing exactly the same and it was driving me crazy. I desperately needed my sleep as as I BF so couldn't do any of the formula things, and it had to be me to get up to feed her each time.

In the end, I decided to do something about it, but it took me two weeks. I never let her cry, each time I or my partner would go and pick her up and cuddle her/offer water, rock her until she calmed down completely and her breathing was even. then we would put her back in the cot again. If she cried, we did the same again. and again. and again.

It was bl**dy knackering, particularly because I unknowingly chose the week she was teething. First night it took 1 1/2 hrs, second night 50 mins etc but gradually it took less and less and by the end of two weeks she sometimes woke up and shouted for 30 secs or so, then went straight back to sleep without us going to her.

She is now 13 months and sleeping 12 or 13 hours a night so it can change that quickly. (and she is still doing the 2 hour morning, and afternoon 40 mins, so some babies obviously do need that much sleep!)

Good luck, I really feel for you.
x

hellymelly · 06/06/2008 23:36

No very helpful advice-my baby is 13m and wakes twice or even three times a night-I breastfeed her and she goes back to sleep.Very rarely she will wake just once(this is after I go to bed,she wakes at least twice before that).DD1 was the same and finally slept through at about two,although i am not quite sure about that as I was pregnant and too knackered to remember anything!Yes I am shattered,I guess I just think thats what babies do....Anyway much sympathy for your exhaustion and it will get better eventually

aussiejane · 07/06/2008 14:01

my son woke every nite between 4 and 5 for a bottle until he was 17 months old,regardless of how much he had before bed.Then one nite i said enough is enough don't wake up you will not get anything and he has never woken since.He is now 4!!!

yvonnek · 10/06/2008 11:24

hi,

had your problem and survived

eventually

my son is 28 month, my baby whose now 10 months started sleeping thru b4 him

he was horrific. nothing worked.
tried everything, cc, books, hv advice, wasn't teething as had all his teeth including molars by 18 mth.

he was waking for night feeds, and he was definately hungry because he was draining 8 oz several times a night.

he wasn't a huge eater. he ate but never as much as other peoples babies.

But found it easier to drink liquid thru day than eat solids. my partner encouraged this as he thought formula milk had enough vitamins to compensate.

the result i've now discovered is he was taking feeds thru the night coz he was hungry.

first step.

keep your wee one in own room.keep giving the 3am feed. but have it by your bedside ready just to throw into your little one when they wake . so there's no rummaging about downstairs and thus minimising disruption to your night time sleep.don't get them used to crying in the night with you settling them. cc doesn't suit all babies.some see it as a way of attention and can keep it up for hours on end.

2nd step.

change formula milk for whole cows milk.limit the amount of liquids to what you would consider an acceptable amount.make sure they get enough proper food thru the day. be sneaky. exchange one of their daily drinks for those pouches of pureed fruit/veg, offer a healthy dessert after every meal.

3rd

if they still draining the night time feeds you need to bulk up the last bottle feed before her bed. she has to take this feed to make it thru. there's several ways to bulk it up.

  • get a cereal based powder that you add into the formula milk.

  • italian grocers (some restaurants will be able to get you them if you get friendly and explain it's for putting in kids milk) sell biscuits called "plasmon" they come in different age ranges. ones for newbourn and ones for 6 month up. to be honest there's not a big difference.just they dissolve into the milk without making it thick. if your keen on this route and are struggling to get some i have some extra i can send you if you want.

the second option was my sons favourite, due to it tasting much better. i learned from this with my baby, she got this biscuit stuff in her last feed from day one and she has slept thru from 2 months. (gets the odd night of dodgy teeth or illness waking her)

4th step.

by now your child will still be waking for the night time feed out of habit, but the amount should be dropping. this feed should also be whole milk, once you notice that she's not actually drinking it all and just getting up to comfort feed (this could take a while and you need to watch she's not getting up at 6am and drinking it before letting you know she's already woke up.)
by this time she will also understand you. as it will be another few months before you get this all done. when she does wake it 3am, tell her once that she cant have milk, pick a reason why, like it's finished, and them rub her back till she goes to sleep, no other speaking or recognition.

a couple of days of this (or controlled crying if you feel it might work) and she should be sleeping through.

i remember when i was in you shoes with my boy getting up 3 times a night, and my daughter getting up 4, their dad was working 7 days a week from 9am till 12 mignight, the onslaught of post natal depression was upon me! doctors and hv were useless, just kept saying he would grow out of it.

they've now both been sleeping thru for 8 month, if my son had his way he'd be one of these kids still getting up till 3 years old!

yvonnek · 10/06/2008 18:23

just re read after posting. doesn't make sense. mean to put the baby in their own room. not your room.

katie7 · 11/06/2008 20:22

My twins are now 3 so i can't exactly remember 11 months, but I am pretty sure they slept through by then and didn't need any feeds for 12 hrs unless sick. They slept from 7 - 7 until nurery school...now they get sick and wake, but when well sleep though.

I was strict but loving with them because I do not cope well without sleep. I agree that a couple's bed should be theirs and the children have their room, if well. My twins were premature too, but by 3 months were in their own room with a routine.

I think the problem here is also your "torture" - lack of sleep is torture! It is bloody torture. I have found that babies generally fall in to new routines within one week if you can be consistent. I would suggest if you can possibly afford it..to get a nanny / babysitter to cuddle your baby until you get home at 8pm. You could put her down then. The problem seems to be too early to bed and that 3am feed?

I found the best way to stop all night feeds (by 11 months she should be eating enough food, right?), feed her a good breakfast, lunch and early dinner before work, and give her a last bottle before you go to bed. Then cuddle her until she is floppy and tell her firmly it is time for bed. If she cries pick her up and cuddle her. Put her down. When sleep descends go. Put in ear plugs to slow down your hearing her! I am serious! I only hear my two if they really cry...fake crying and they settle themselves which is a good habit for them.If she wakes at 3am etc, pick her up and comfort her and put her down again.Only water to drink if she has eaten well during the day. If they eat well they really don't need food at night! Or milk even!

If you then have to get up at 6am for a while, ok. With time once she skips 3am feed she will slowly sleep longer in the morning too.

Men can be unsupportive at times..just try to find support even if you need to pay for it. My husband is great but with twins I also had help and it worked wonders to set routines in place.

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