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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is my child strange??

63 replies

VictorianSqualor · 22/05/2008 12:07

I was going to post this last ngiht after watching CoOT but couldn't be bothered, but the programme got me thinking about DD(7).

She never tantrums, I couldn't imagine a time she would say 'No' to me, or back chat, or argue, or even strop. The most I get off her is a miserable face and I have to ask her about ten times what's wrong before she'll tell me.

Anything I ask her to do, she does, straight away (maybe not to the standard I'd like, but she does it).

I thought this was just what normal children did and when I've seen people post on here saying their child (over the age of about 3/4) is misbehaving have been quite shocked, but nearly every child on that programme last night behaved this way.

So much so I'm almost worried about DD's 'good' behaviour. DP thinks it's just because she is so wishy-washy that nothing really bothers her therefore she has no need/want to put her foot down so to speak but I'm worrying now it might be more.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

morningpaper · 22/05/2008 12:09

lol

Mine is like that, she RARELY has a melt-down

But I think she is quite introverted, by which I mean she is quite a thinker, and broods on things - I think she internalises things rather than externalises them

Or I might just be a scary disciplinarian bitch

Original poster

VictorianSqualor · 22/05/2008 12:15

That's my point there, exactly!
Is she scared to make a fuss or is she brooding over it or does she really just not care?

OP posts:

RubyRioja · 22/05/2008 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 22/05/2008 12:18

hmmm yes it is the "placid" ones you need to watch ...

NotABanana · 22/05/2008 12:20

I can see why you would worry.

Maybe have some one to one time, talk about a child you saw having a tantrum and ask her if she ever feels like doing that. Be guided by what you say next by her answer.

windygalestoday · 22/05/2008 12:20

i have 3 ds and none of ours have been moody and argumentative..maybe its all about to arrive?

guitar · 22/05/2008 12:20

i think that's very unuusual - whether you should be worried about it or not is an odd question - i don't know should you? sometimes the spark fo defiance makes you realise, and them realise, they're an individual

bran · 22/05/2008 12:24

My db was like that as a child, my Mother was so relieved as I was completely the opposite.

DB didn't grow up to be unhappy or introverted or anything unusual personality-wise. And he probably go away with a lot more than I ever did, partly because he was the second child and partly because he wasn't so visibly defiant so my dps weren't watching him as closely as me.

Original poster

VictorianSqualor · 22/05/2008 12:25

NAB, she has mentioned children that she has seen having a tantrum and says they are either silly because a tantrum won't get you anything, or says they are not very nice because you shouldn't talk to people like that.

OP posts:

guitar · 22/05/2008 12:28

are we talking abou no tantrums or no signs of defiance?

pagwatch · 22/05/2008 12:29

no no no no no no !
there is nothing wrong with a child who does not tantrum! They are not somehow suppressed or inhibited.
(Seriously annoyed me but I have isshhoos aboutthis so feel free to ignore my tone ).

My DD had barely a tantrum. Almost never.She is 5 now and does not misbehave or answer back. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT !!!! Not every child does it! Most do its true. And we are usually tired etc and it proves effective for the child so they persist until they grow out of it - so far so normal. But not every child does. My edldest didn't and he is 14 now and still does not answer back or act out or disobey me. And he is not some placid nit wit. We just have stuff that works for us.
That is because of a load of things including the fact that their brother has SN and when he would tantrum he would hurt himself so i had to develop really really brilliant anti-tantrumming strategies. Which I did.

tantrumming and acting out is all part of normal behaviour but not doing it is perfectly normal too.

pagwatch · 22/05/2008 12:30

...and breath.....

PuppyMonkey · 22/05/2008 12:30

Mine was exactly like yours until she turned 11...

Kevin The Teenager now.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 22/05/2008 12:35

I was a lick arse til I turned 17 when I turned into a devil.

solo · 22/05/2008 12:37

She'll probably be a mad teenager then. Make the most of now!

mankyscotslass · 22/05/2008 12:39

I was like your dd, mum said she never knew she had me. I never gave her any trouble even as a teenager. It wasn't til I hit my 30's that she says I gave her grief .
I like to think I am fairly normal.

Original poster

VictorianSqualor · 22/05/2008 12:42

Neither guitar, the most she does is makes mess, she'd never break a rule.

Pagwatch, thankyou. I suppose I'm hung up on being told DS feels secure because he does tantrum, it makes me worry DD doesn't feel as secure.

OP posts:

castille · 22/05/2008 12:45

She sounds very mature to me.

Unless she is very shy and lacking in confidence? If so, she might not argue because she wants and needs your approval and fears your disapproval.

If not then I'd say she sussed the pointlessness of tantrums at a young age and is simply a lovely young lady!

Fennel · 22/05/2008 12:51

One of mine, dd1, has virtually never tantrummed. she's 8 now. She's not particularly mature, she just doesn't tantrum. She retreats into herself and shuts herself off, either physically or mentally, when upset.

dd3, 4, is growing out of tantrums, but dd2, my tantrum queen, can still have fantastic ones. She's like me, likes to strop and stamp around

AMumInScotland · 22/05/2008 12:55

My DS is now 14. He had a few tantrums and similar when he was 2 or 3, but not since then. He doesn't strop or back-chat. He can be grumpy at times, and sometimes "forgets" to do things he doesn't want to do, but generally we get along just fine. I've always tried to talk to him about what has to be done, how he feels about things, etc, so that we reach a practical agreement. But I don't mean that I "give in" to him - just that he understands if I say "you have to do X" or "we can't afford Y" that I'm not being nasty, it's just reality.

So, I'd say not tantrumming is perfectly normal too!

pagwatch · 22/05/2008 13:05

VS
it was very weird for me having DS2 after DS1 because the first huge symptoms of his ASD were catastrophic, self-harming tantrums. I had no frame of reference for that and i felt terribly guilty.
By the time DD turned up I was very comfortable about my parenting and I had the time and experience to deal with the few attempts she made at about 2. Because it just didn't ever work ( as in it go no result and I didn't react or get upset) she just never did it again and learnt really quickly to talk when she was angry and cross.

Just remember that all our kids are different and she is just comfortable handling things the way she does. My DD is very happy to express her upset or annoyance but she is a chilled child and very very secure. Your DD sounds the same.

saffy202 · 22/05/2008 13:58

Ds2 is 9 and he is like this. I think for him it is because he is so laid back. However I think he would hate to get told off by a teacher for example.

The other day we were in the local corner shop and his friend was there and he started throwing such a tantrum. Ds2 was staring at him in disbelief and came out muttering how he would never speak to me like that.

It's not all rosy though - ds1 is 14 and he can always be relied on for a good tantrum

cory · 22/05/2008 20:16

People have different personalities. Not a problem, it's allowed. Just enjoy her!

And sometimes, as has been pointed out above, people change.

Ds was the most compliant and eager-to-please little boy until nearly 8; now he's started throwing strops and tantrums. I didn't think there was anything seriously wrong with my parenting then and I don't now.

Meandmyjoe · 22/05/2008 20:18

BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE TEENAGE REBELLION! All I have to say on this! lol

totalmisfit · 22/05/2008 20:19

i am very

my dd is the exact opposite of yours!

but on the other hand i do understand your concern. i think it's normal to worry, whatever your child does or doesn't do. but she sounds lovely and well adjusted judging from your O/P

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