Please tell me that all 5 year old girls are the devil incarnate

[fannybanjo]

Because mine is. Life is becoming one long battle. Please reassure me she will grow out of it as I also have an 8 month DD and I am not looking forward to reliving this stage again.

She has become "mean". She barely acknowledges her baby sister, is cocky to me and her dad and I have heard her being quite mean to her friend (who gives as good as she gets). She just doesn't seem to realise how her behaviour is wrong. I have taken privileges away but what else can I do?

Yes, she has a sibling and they get on really well so that helps. But I have several friends with one child and while I know the parents do tend to perhaps do a bit more than me - we do some activities - their girls seem pretty self contained and are lovely children. Not really sure. My younger dd is much more, shall we say, outspoken and likely to push boundaries, than her sister but I really don't expect rudeness. If she is she apologies - properly.

I once read that whinging and whining is learnt behaviour. Thry try it, get a positive response from their point of view, so they do it again. I try hard to ignore and keep this sentence in my head when they do it. Obviously can't manage it all the time.......

www.poissonrouge.com is a great website for fun easy learning. mind you my 3 yr old uses it so its maybe a bit basic

at 5 they can easily navigate site without any help at all and they get a sense of achievement doing it themselves

my 8 year old still loves it

they put the insects on with the funny music and do a stupid dance around the sitting room

also - tell her that its a bit crap having a baby around but that he will get better/be more fun when he is older

Her reading is really good. Teachers very pleased with her. She will sit and read a book for a while but gets fed up with it easily, likes to jump around from one activity to another.
Havent heard of jump ahead or cluefinders, will look that up thank you.

dd2 loves mathswhizz.com as well although you have to give it some commitment

Mine have their moments at home but their manners are pretty good when on the loose. We don't stand for cheek at home, although ds has perfected a worrying line in borderline wit/cheek/sarcasm lately. Sometimes I wish he were not so clever .
I don't think cheek means intelligence either, it means rudeness. Around this age I think some parents sort of forget that their little Receptioner is not a toddler any more, and what was charitably written off as effing fours is about to become intolerable and socially disadvantageous at rising six.
Dd, almost five, is imperious and we are working on that too. I think it's because she is the youngest in her class and unluckily in the sights of some rather annoying alpha girlies, so she likes to boss us around at home. But she's not the devil incarnate. She is quizzical, energetic, eccentric and loving.

Frankly, sorry, I don't buy this 'she's being nasty to me because she is so clever and is frustrated by her own cleverness' line. Most of the small girls I know seem quite bright, and are nice to be around.

poissonrouge is a masterpiece, agreed. Ds and dd play it together.

I do worry that I over squash. Am trying v hard not to - particularly elder dd - but can't bear cocky children. Oh, dear.

I have an oversquash tendency too Sykes
Insolence in small children is a real parp for me.

I think it's perfectly legit to say I don't want you to talk to me like that, innit?

(Marina, your dd is lovely!)

I agree re not being frustrated by intelligence. Most of the girls I know and some are very bright are just really pleasant children. I seem to be repeating everything MI says. Sorry.

Thanks Issy I really liked your post.
Got to go now.....

No, I don't think so Issy. You do have to pick your battles. At moments like that dh can be remorseless, almost to Torquemada proportions and it all usually ends in avoidable tears.
Once we have a result and an apology I usually do what you do - a raised eyebrow and a Look - at any esprit de l'escalier mutterings

I let mine be horrible to me sometimes if I know they have to get something off their chest

then I hug them

sometimes they hate that

agree with your approach Issy - that is how NOT to squash children; you've asserted what needs doing, you have 'won' and you don't NEED to follow each little remark down and squash it. I think the raised eyebrow is fine and enough - they need to save face and feel they have some bit of power left

I think it can impact on their self esteem if they all avenues of retaining their ability to 'fight back' in any small way, are closed off to them

dd2 is obsessed with things being right or wrong - it can be a real bone of contention

she will make a brilliant lawyer

mines a wee bugger too at times and I run out of sanctions, I think you need a whole consistent method for any behavior that you don't want to condone. It's finding somethingthat they'll respond to my dd is desperate for some doll or other and I have a star chart when she gets so many she can have the doll .. the holy grail she doesn't get a star if she is naughty.. seems to be working, she get the doll when she's in her twenties tho.. I take toys hostage too..

I don't buy the notion that over-intelligent kids behave badly because they're under-stimulated. An over-intelligent child should be intelligent enough to entertain themselves. Maybe it's the 'docile' (horrid expression that's been used very wrongly to describe dd) ones who are most intelligent as they don't need to seek outside stimulation / attention all the while.

My 5 1/2 year old is a bit of a closet diva, she's much more dramatic about things than I've ever been. Despite that impetuous side of her character which I've had to learn how to handle she's a lovely polite funny girl and I wouldn't allow her to speak to me rudely and she doesn't. She usually races off in floods of tears because she can't undo a button or some other vital tragedy and I let her get on with it, then she reappears looking a bit smudgy, then I can ask if she'd like help, which she usually would, and we move on. It's a bit strange at times (dealing with the seemingly unnecessary nature of her tears) but we get along fine like that.

At school she has never ever cried. I find this extraordinary. At the first parents' evening I was expecting all kinds of remarks about her dramatic temperament but the teacher didn't raise it. So I flinchingly asked 'does she cry at lot?' and the teacher looked shocked and replied that she had never yet seen dd cry even one time when she fell and really hurt herself.

Since then I've been even more accepting of her demonstrations at home as I figure she must be storing up a hell of a lot of steam at school which needs to be let off big time at home. Only not at me. I'm there to mop up the tears and ease her through the aftermath.

I think it's more of a question of temperament than intellect. Intellect comes into it where manipulation is used very skillfully ..

i find it sad when people use the word 'manipulation' when talking about small chidlren