Is 10 the age when kids start worrying and feeling sad?

[Copper]

My 10 yr old ds2 was very quiet all Sunday, and in tears and very unhappy for a long time at bedtime. He eventually said he has been feeling unhappy since the summer but today it all came over him.

Does nayone have any experience of this? I think he is worrying about death

Oh my God I hope not. My DD is 10 today.

oh copper. that must be quite unsettling for you.
Can't speak from direct experience as dd is only 3 and ds 4 months. However, dd does seem to 'have the blues' sometimes already!

My brother used to be a very 'sensible' kid and I seem to remember that he actually was very withdrawn and broody from the age of 6!

Hope somebody on here can give you some advice.

Hi Copper, my 10 year old dd at bedtime sometimes gets overcome with the thought of me dying. This started when we watched a film on TV where Robin Williams plays a Robot who outlives several of his owners over a period of centuries. She said she didn't want to be alone and I told her that I intended to be around for a long time. Sometimes, her despair is quite overwhelming and only a long cuddle will suffice.

I think it is part of them growing up. Hope this is helpful.

Bookend

Do you think your son might have seen a film or TV programme about death or loss and it set him thinking? He might not like to admit that he got soppy over a film. Even if he has been feeling unhappy since the summer, seeing a film might have bought it to a head.

It's possible the news about the Tsunami could have affected him, consciously or unconsciously. There are so many haunting stories. They might have given him bad dreams. I have been having dreams about losing my husband and then waking up in a panic and I am sure it's got a lot to do with the Tsunami news.

I can't say my 10 year old son has been through this yet. He is definitely more stroppy, self conscious and emotional than last year,though. So I think those hormones are getting active.

Hi Copper, my DS is 10 in March (Hi Tigermoth!). We've had the same thing recently. He also wants to be so grown up one minute but he's still a baby the next.

The last long chat I had with DS was in the car after we'd got home from school, DD went indoors and we stayed in the car and talked for ages. It was a good place as there were no distractions.

He doesn't play any of those horrible PS2 games full of death does he?

He does play PS games, but only Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and similar. My mother died this summer, and we knew she was going to , so I expect it is that - but on the surface he seemed OK: sad for a while, but you'd expect that.

I think maybe it is the tsunami, because all the things I'd said to reassure about dying were suddenly untrue in the face of that evidence that awful things can happen at any time.

But I do remember being 10 and being convinced that I was going to die on a particular night. I didn't tell anyone, but made sure I said goodnight properly before going to bed, expecting not to wake up. Bit of a shock when I did!

I can remember worrying about death and infinity a lot around this age. Not sure there is much you can do apart from being there to provide reassurance and a cuddle.

This book is garnering rave reviews at present:
Michael Rosen's Sad Book , you might want to consider sharing it with him, Copper.
I believe that the first big shift towards an understanding of mortality and death happens between four and six, with incremental ability to think the issues through as you grow up.
Poor little man though, Copper - I find it terribly hard to deal with when ds articulates sadness or uncertainty. Keep him talking, if you can.

I am having the the same sort of problems with both my 2. ( DS 11 & DD 9 )
They can't quite put their finger on it but they are fine one minute and rotten the next

I am putting it down to hromones as well - explaining it to DS that this is perfectly normal behaviour did a lot for him and helped him realise that feeling all mixed up is par for the course ..... at least he's not different for the rest

My DD1 worries about death every now and then. Apparently, DH was the same at that age, and even now, he'll have problems sleeping and he worries about death, how final it is etc etc.

DD1 won't say outright when she's feeling like this and it took a while to discover what she was worried about. She worries about her dying (often asks what will happen to her afterwards, where will she go etc), worries about us dying and leaving her. She can go for months of not giving it a second thought.

Marina - that book looks really good, think I'm going to order that.

Forgot to add - DD1 is 9 and has been like this for the last 18 months or so.

I hope that this will help you understand a little of what they are going through thus allowing you to be there and in hand of the situation they are finding themselves in..good luck.

Mothernature

That's a really good website - thanks

glad to help

Thanks so much for all these messages. Marina, I've ordered the Michael Rosen book - many thanks for the suggestion

Our girl is 4 and has began to ask what happens when you die. How old are you when this happens. So l know she sometimes thinks about the world around her in a deep way and she has the life of a princess. l can look at her and know from the expression on her face that sometimes she just wants to have a good cry about nothing at all. At those moments we have a good cuddle.

Copper - is he good at expressing his feelings? It can take some time for feelings to come out, but he is showing that he's troubled about things which is good, at least he's not hiding his feelings. As long as you keep reminding him that you are there to listen and help, things will come out eventually. It's a big thing coming to terms with the inevitability of anyone dying. My ds is 6 and these things often come up at bedtime - probably because kids know they have your undivided attention at this time.

Mothernature - what a brilliant site! Thanks.