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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My dd had an almighty tantrum today and I ended putting the garden hose to her!

102 replies

chocolatemummy · 26/04/2008 19:45

well.........it was literally for a few seconds, and its better than smacking her, she had totally lost it.
Same old problem........running off when we are out, I am so worried about her getting snatched or lost and she does it almost everytime. Today she ran off while we were in the bank, after queing for ages she ran off and I had to leave to run after her, TWICE and the second time she acually ran OUT of the bank and into another shop and my heart stopped for a minute because I couldn't see her, when I got her we just went straight home and we were suposed to be going to the roundabout so she went bezerk!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TheLadyEvenstar · 27/04/2008 18:27

Chocolate,
lol just this afternoon ds1 was being a little sod, telling me what he would and wouldn't do, refusing to clean his room and then stood in the kitchen yelling at me. I had a glass of water in my hand and calmly tipped it over his head..he soon stopped and looked at me then skulked off to his bedroom. he is 9 btw and not scarred.

controlfreakyagain · 27/04/2008 18:33

i think this is completely unnacceptable tbh. am suprised so many posters think this so amusing. sounds (could be wrong) of course that you acted in anger / had "lost it".... and not at all sure what lesson this is meant to teach dd... she sure as hell wont stand there next time while you get ready to turn hose on her will she?

wingandprayer · 27/04/2008 18:40

Oh FGS. It's water. It did not hurt her, it just got her to stop her unreasonable behaviour and judging by her later actions it clearly worked really well. Clearly Controlfreaky you have the patience of saint, but some of us are only human.

controlfreakyagain · 27/04/2008 18:43

i certainly dont have the patience of anything like a saint actually. i do try to behave respectfully towards my children and model that behaviour to them.... i dont by any means succeed 100% of the time.... i shout more than i would like for instance. what i do think though is that if i tipped water over my dss heads / sprayed them with a hose etc. i could hardly complain when they chose to express their anger / frustration / whatever towards me by doing the same / similar...

poppypoppet123 · 27/04/2008 18:46

I dont see a problem with this really it was only water.

She will more than likely remember this next time she runs off.

controlfreakyagain · 27/04/2008 18:47

you really think a 4 yo will link the punishment of being hosed down at home with running off at the shops? she wasnt hosed down for running away apparently but to stop her tantrum....

cornsilk · 27/04/2008 18:47

I agree controlfreaky - I don't like the sound of it either. Wing and prayer, if your dh threw water at you or poured his drink over you during an argument would that be acceptable to you? It's humiliating.

Janni · 27/04/2008 18:48

The water won't have done her any harm and will have got her clean too.

However, it sounds like there are A LOT of out of control situations and at 4.5 she's taking a long time to get the message.

I think maybe start a thead about behaviour management for this age group and get some tips and techniques.

And above all, try to lower the emotional temperature and keep things a bit calmer - easier said than done, I know

allytjd · 27/04/2008 18:50

To make you feel better, I recently chucked a pan of (cold) water over DS1 as he lay shouting and whinging on the kitchen floor, he was v. shocked and upset, it didn't really calm things down and i felt bad afterwards but for a brief moment it felt great. I know some people think it is totally unnacceptble to "lose it' with your kids but there comes a point when they can learn that their hideous behaviour really does hurt those who love them, sometimes i think my kids don't always realise quite how awful they are being when in the middle of a strop and when I blow up or lose it they get a shock and are often sorry and then we talk about how the situation arose and ow to avoid it in the future.

Fllight · 27/04/2008 18:51

I might have done it in a moment of frenzy, but not premeditated iyswim.

It would have to be me reaching point of exasperation while already using hose. Then snapping and momentarily turning it toward said child - usually if he was about to do something stupid and dangerous despite my saying no.

I wouldn't do it deliberately as it were.

Mind you the moment of despair and snapping came today while I was eating and a potato croquette was lobbed near to Ds in frustration

Now you deffo wouldn't do that in a pre meditated manner

it is far too messy

controlfreakyagain · 27/04/2008 18:52

she doesnt need to "feel better." op and w and p think hosing down tatrumming 4 year old is fine!

Blu · 27/04/2008 18:53

I wouldn't think either smacking OR cold water are a good way to stop running off. The running off is a serious problem, not sure that having a tantrum in her own sweet time is a problem, if it's a reaction to not being allowed to have a treat as a restult of the running off.

Just use the withdrawal of treats. "stand still, next to me and if you can do that , we go to the roundabout. if you move away from me, we go straight home".

But when DS was a baby, if he was howling and howling I often used to wrp him in a blanket and whisk him outside to look at the moon. The sudden change of temperature and light did used to make him stop and look around. So I wouldn't worry too much about a showerr of cold water on a warm day!

FrannyandZooey · 27/04/2008 18:54

I've also done nasty and unpleasant things to ds in a fit of temper, but I don't think they are an acceptable or justifiable means of discipline

you made a big mistake - we've all done it, but I don't see why people are saying you did a good thing

surely we don't plan to give our children humiliating and unkind punishments in order to get them to behave?
we're sensible rational adults here

controlfreakyagain · 27/04/2008 18:54

she's not worried....

controlfreakyagain · 27/04/2008 18:55

or at least we TRY to be f and z!

FrannyandZooey · 27/04/2008 18:56

well, yes, that's what I meant

Greensleeves · 27/04/2008 18:56

I don't think this is any worse than smacking. It's bullying IMO and an abuse of power. I can imagine how humiliated and resentful I would feel if someone did this to me.

Am shocked that so many people think it's OK.

controlfreakyagain · 27/04/2008 18:57

phew! thought it was just me for a bit there.

Fllight · 27/04/2008 18:58

What's the general consensus on the croquette, anyone?

It wasn't very rational really was it.

Greensleeves · 27/04/2008 18:58

any better than smacking

controlfreakyagain · 27/04/2008 19:00

re croquette: cant have been v nice to waste as missile. note to self, male tastier croquettes next time....

controlfreakyagain · 27/04/2008 19:00

MAKE obviously

Fllight · 27/04/2008 19:01

No they were awful

It stuck to the wall.

NotABanana · 27/04/2008 19:06

Not something I would ever do tbh. I would hate it done to me so certainly wouldn't do it to anyone else. Mine were pests today so I made them run round the garden.

I think the best thing is to try and ignore the tantrum as it soon stops when they have no audience. It really sounds like you were trying to teach you a lesson for showing you up and stressing you but putting a hose on her isn't the way to do it.

wingandprayer · 27/04/2008 19:10

She did not drag child into garden to hose her down. She sprayed her while she happened to be using hose. It was not pre-meditated. She's not planning on it being a regular form of discipline. The child was not humiliated - why would she be? She did realise though that her behaviour was unacceptable, stop it and apologise to her mum and showed no signs of further distress. No sign there of any humiliation.

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