19 month ds keeps hitting us.

[Payney]

My 19 month ds has recently started hitting myself, dh and ds (8 years old). To begin with, he would do it without warning - if I was sitting down, he would walk up and smack my leg. More recently, he is doing it because he isn't getting the result he wants or we are invading his space a bit. I've noticed that he does it to me more than to his father and it's starting to get me down a bit. I had postnatal depression for the first few months so I can't help thinking that this is somehow linked to that. At other times, he a really sweet little boy, but once he gets in a grump, it's hard to do anything with him. At the moment I am telling him no firmly, but more often than not, he will do the same thing again He has managed to hurt our other ds by thwacking him with a toy.

I am having the same problem at the moment with DD (15 months) I spoke to my HV as it was upsetting me and she said that it was just the normal "pushing the boundaries" thing but to try this...
When he hits you or someone else, the person who has been hit should be given lots of attention. So if he hits you dh should cuddle you and say poor mummy, oh dear etc So that he recognises that hitting receives no attention what so ever. We have been doing it and it has been working. I'm also taking DD to playgroup next week for the first time as I'm sure some of it is frustration and boredom.
I know how you feel though, it does make you feel rubbish. Hope you get on ok.

DD is now 24 months old. She hit me a few times when she was about 20-22 months old and, for a couple of days, she also hit and kicked other children at her nursery. In my case, I think it was playfulness/testing the boundaries. In the latter case, she apparently did it when she felt that other children were crowding out her space. I dealt with her hitting me by saying 'gentle, gentle' and showing her how to touch me gently. She would copy me and then ask 'That's gentle?'. The nursery dealt with her behaviour by getting her to take a minute or so 'time out' on a bench. DH and I also spoke to her seriously about how she shouldn't hit other children. We also pointed out to her that nobody in our house hits other people and that nobody hits her. All this seems to have worked and she hasn't hit any of us since. So reasoning did seem to work. Good luck!

I should add that DH and I were both very distressed by all this - I loathe aggression - and we felt rubbish too.

I should also add that it helped us a lot that we could take the moral high ground and point out that nobody hits her (she admitted this). How people who do smack their children teach them not to hit others is a mystery to me.

Thank you for the advice - I've been finding it really difficult as none of the discipline seems to be getting anywhere. At least we can all, as a family, put these ideas into practice!

I know all children are different, but dd has seemed more amenable to reasoning in the last couple of months. Not always, however. In response to 'Don't be silly', when she runs out of range at teeth-cleaning time, she now says 'I'm going to be silly', and laughs. She seems more grumpy when tired/hungry, by the way.