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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Getting out of the house in the mornings - how?!!!

60 replies

Jessie3 · 09/04/2008 09:51

Just had a horrendous morning with my 2.3 ds who physically fought me on everything this morning - cleaning teeth, getting dressed, walking to the car, etc. I have tried getting up earlier to give him more time but he is getting worse. I think it is particularly bad this week because we are back to normal after a lovely Easter break (I am a teacher). I can only try to reasoon with him/give him choices like 'do you want mummy or daddy to put your trousers on?' for so long before I run out of time completely and have to just stuff him into his trousers/coat/car seat, which is awful and had us both arriving at the childminder's in tears this morning.
She has texted me to say he is fine, but I don't know what to do tomorrow morning. I have tried being firm, giving him more time, giving him choices - he just says a stroppy 'no' to each choice. How can I make mornings easier? Help!

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Harrybee · 09/04/2008 09:59

Hi Jessie3, i am in exactly the same situation as you. Its so frustrating isnt it!!
My DS is also 2.1 and we always have a fight to get him dressed etc in the mornings. Now i tend to just get on with it rather then give him a choice. He is also independant and want to everything himself, its so hard watching him try to out his socks on i just want to do it for him. I am hoping that in time this will get better and thats its just another phase he is going though.

It will be interresting to see or hear anyone elses advice.
Good lunch Jessie3 x

Oliveoil · 09/04/2008 10:01

sit him on your knee and say ooooh roary the racing car, what is the pink one called etc etc etc whilst shoving legs in trousers and feet in socks

then when dressed give lots and lots of praise

this worked with dd2

minouminou · 09/04/2008 10:25

don't give him choices, or time....it's gotta happen, it's gonna happen...end of
although, do stop short at strapping him down, chloroforming him, or owt like that!

Anna8888 · 09/04/2008 10:29

What time do you have to leave the house?

Gumbo · 09/04/2008 10:29

I agree with stopping the choices. I used to give ds (2.5) choices but it made it far worse/drawn out. Now I just get him up, and when he says "Not got to nursery" (when he sees the clothes laid out) I simply say, "Oooh - we ARE going to nursery - who are we going to see today? There'll be X, and Y, and do you think Z will be there..." etc etc - all while I shove his limbs into the clothes.

With ds distracting definitely works better than offering options. Good luck!

Original poster

Jessie3 · 09/04/2008 10:31

Really? So stuff him into clothes/carseat? I guess it's quicker, but not painless; he ends up in a hell of a state. It is so traumatic (and difficult) stuffing a stiff as a board C-shaped screeching toddler into a carseat.

Have tried TV - it used to work beautifully! Not any more though

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Original poster

Jessie3 · 09/04/2008 10:34

Yep, gumbo and minouminou, think options are out of the window, they clearly don't work at all. Wil try more distractions.

Anna888 - we TRY to leave the house at 8. We get up at 6.45 to achieve dressing/breakfast/teeth, etc.

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Oliveoil · 09/04/2008 10:37

I used to dress dd2 victorian style and force her into her clothes

which she then tore off in a rage

repeat

so I realised it was better to distract and cajole her with fake enthusiasm like someone else said - races with her sister to see who could get dressed faster etc

or can you get dressed at the same time? fall over putting your trousers on, saying ooooh mummy is rubbish are you better? etc etc

we had to leave at 8.30am and I would start getting her dressed at 7.30am, then you have an hour to faff about

never underestimate the power of a toddler strop, far better to get them on side if you can

Anna8888 · 09/04/2008 10:44

Jessie3 - I think that you have a bit of a conflict of interest going on. Nothing intrinsically wrong with that, just a fact of life.

6.45 wake up for an 8 am exit is tough going for a 2.3 year old. I understand that it is non-negotiable (you have to get to work and he therefore has to go to CM) but it is hard on him nonetheless.

He deserves your patience. I know that isn't easy. But I do think (as OO has so rightly said) that being fierce isn't the way forward. Explain to your DS why you are in a rush for an early start (he is old enough to understand) and ask for his cooperation - and reward him (with praise - "thank you for being such a kind boy and helping Mummy to be on time").

Good luck.

AitchTwoOh · 09/04/2008 10:49

are you dressed and ready by the time he's woken up? dd would freak if she was woken at 6.45am (mind you, so would i). she gets dressed and up in about 15 mins if she's awake, food takes longer but at that time can't he have breakfast at the cm? if so, i'd be waking the baby later and doing the bright-voiced shoving bit.

Squirtle · 09/04/2008 10:50

Can you keep him in his pjs and send the clothes with him to the cm?

Or would it help if the two of you chose the clothes together the night before?

What works well for me is getting up early and wlking to school before everyone else is up so DH does all the work!

Original poster

Jessie3 · 09/04/2008 11:23

am imagining dh's face if I suggested that to him, squirtle!

No Aitch, , we co-sleep after 5 a.m., so we wake up together.

Childminder has 2 other chargees including a baby and her 2 sons on the school run, and although I think she is brilliant and ds loves her, she made it clear in the beginning that she would not be doing getting dressed/breakfasts, which is fair enough but doesn't help me. He never has tantrums for her!
Will have to try getting up earlier, choosing clothes the night before, falling over (!) and talking brightly I guess. He does go into full-on toddler strop alarmingly quickly though, these days

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Original poster

Jessie3 · 09/04/2008 11:31

It's useful to know that you think we are in too much of a rush, Anna, thanks for that. I'm not sure whether he would understand as much as you think though .

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AitchTwoOh · 09/04/2008 11:33

can't you try to stop the co-sleeping after 5?

Oliveoil · 09/04/2008 11:35

dd2 could go from lovely to madwoman in 5 seconds

me: do you want a drink dd2?
dd2: yes please
me: nice pink cup, lovely!
dd2: I WANTED THE RED ONE WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Original poster

Jessie3 · 09/04/2008 11:36

How do you mean - get up at 5 or try to keep him in his own bed? He has a breastfeed then you see. Do you think that could be causing problems then?

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Original poster

Jessie3 · 09/04/2008 11:37

Lol Oliveoil, that sounds familiar!

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Oliveoil · 09/04/2008 11:40

she is a lot better now, but still has her moments

she is 3.8yrs now

toddlers are hard work, it will pass

Anna8888 · 09/04/2008 11:43

Jessie3 - yes, yes he is able to understand if you just get in the habit of explaining (patiently, kindly, matter of factly) why you have to do the things he doesn't particularly go for.

AitchTwoOh · 09/04/2008 11:45

well i don't know, it's whatever suits your family and chidren are v different (and i know bugger all about bfing). but if he wakes up at 6.45 and it's too early for him (which it may be if he's cranky on it) then you could look at ways of not waking him up so early. can't you creep out of bed? or if not, somehow encourage him to go back to bed after the bf? or ditch that bf?

Oliveoil · 09/04/2008 11:46

I think you live on a different planet Anna

I explained patiently to dd2 that we needed to leave for school and she screeched at me that she didn't want to

toddlers are not rational beings imo

Anna8888 · 09/04/2008 11:47

OO - they are rational, within the confines of their own world, if they have always been talked to rationally.

It develops their frontal lobes more quickly

Oliveoil · 09/04/2008 11:48

bollocks to frontal lobes, you haven't met dd2

ahahahahahahahahahahaha, she would give you frontal lobes with a headbutt

Anna8888 · 09/04/2008 11:50

OO - just from your posting style I am quite quite sure that you don't always talk to her rationally

Original poster

Jessie3 · 09/04/2008 11:50

I don't think he is cranky from being tired - he is bright enough until I start to get the nappy-changing mat out/ get his clothes together, then his mood turns completely.

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