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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What do you do with your toddler at home?

62 replies

Daffodilly · 31/03/2008 14:49

I had an HV check up for my 17 month old today and came away feeling a bit of a failure. She suggested that DD ought to be doing simple baking, making masks with stickers, colouring, play doh, fingerpainting, imaginary games with cardboards boxes.....

Now some of these things I've tried - colouring, fingerpainting, play doh and baking - but we haven't had much success. She does "get" colouring. Hates getting her hands dirty with paint or playdoh and as for baking, it just ended with lots of mess and her getting frustrated as she couldn't really do it.

We do lots of other things - reading, building blocks, musical instruments, singing. We also go out lots which I find better than being in the house - singing group, library, park, feed ducks, swimming, meet friends. She will also play on her own with puzzles, her doll, books, toys for short periods.

I think she is too young for most of the things the HV suggested - though I really look forward to doing it all when she is 2 or 3. But now I am feeling guilty (the mother's curse) and wondering if I am depriving her!

Would love to know what other's do with their toddler? Especially at home.

OP posts:

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warthog · 31/03/2008 14:50

don't worry - i think you're doing fine! i don't do baking / play doh with dd and she's 2. nothing to feel guilty about. perhaps she thought she was encouraging you and doesn't realise.

Lulumama · 31/03/2008 14:53

goood loooooordy lord ! DD is almost 3 and we are just starting to do a bit of cooking/baking.. it took until she was 2 or thereabouts to do make believe play , or get the hang of stickers or drawing..

don;t worry !! sounds like she is doing just fine and you are doing more than enough

no point doing things that create frustration

mummydoc · 31/03/2008 14:54

when dd2 was that age she pottered about the house with me, while i changed sheets, hoovered, did laundry etc, we wnt out swimming, duck feeding, swings etc. i did do "baking" but basically rice crispie cakes mainly , allowed her to stir mixture, mainly into her hair ! your description of life sounds just fine to me.

sleepycat · 31/03/2008 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Daffodilly · 31/03/2008 14:59

Thank you, thank you I feel more normal already.

I spoke to my mum too (she has done it all four times) and she laughed at the idea of doing most of this now. As she said plenty of time for all of those things in next couple of years.

It can be hard to judge as many of my friends have their DCs in nursery where they obviously do a lot more structured activities and are mixing with older chilren doing things. I don't want to think she is deprived being at home with me when I want that to be a good thing!

OP posts:

mistlethrush · 31/03/2008 15:00

'making' pizza is a great favourite in our household - although you need to allow lots of extra time for mending the holes in the base when they've put holes in it, and respreading out the topping more evenly. However, ds was 'helping' with this from about this age and loved doing it. We've also got a mini muffin tin where you make pastry cases by putting a ball of pastry in the bottom and then squashing with a wooden tool - ds 'helped' with this from 14mo and again loved doing this. However, things need to be very straight forward and the results easily seen at this age.

Re getting hands dirty with paint, have you tried actual hand painting (ie hand prints) - ds used to love doing this, and I have a lovely progression of hand sizes on different cards. Doing this makes them see that its OK to have hands covered in paint and that it all washes off again anyway.

mistlethrush · 31/03/2008 15:01

Should have said that what you're doign sounds good anyway!

Porpoise · 31/03/2008 15:01

Er, I think your health visitor has a very strange idea of a 17-month-old's abilites - not to mention likes and dislikes!

If it helps, my 9 year-old ds still doesn't 'get' colouring in (although possibly for different reasons)!

Feeding the ducks rocks.

kerala · 31/03/2008 15:05

What you are doing sounds great and pretty much what we do. We tried cooking and it was a disaster, dd (20 months) had a tantrum because she wasnt allowed to just eat all the mixture.

Surely one of the most important lifeskills is being able to amuse yourself for a while which she sounds as if she is doing really well. Have you got her a little buggy? DD plays for ages loading her bunnies into her little buggy and "going to the shops" and thinking she is a grown up. My friend with older children recommended it and it is definitely her favourite toy.

As for the guilt thing its a two edged sword as the mums with kids at nursery are no doubt also feeling guility they are not at home! You cant win.

Although in my area it is pressure centre - there are mandarin classes for 2 year olds. Needless to say we will be giving those a miss...

FasterPussyCatGrrrl · 31/03/2008 15:07

DS1 is 21mths. we read, look at picture books, go for walks, crayon, paint sometimes, play with toys, watch tv, play music, he's starting to help with things like hanging out washing and putting things in the bin now too.

17 mths is young to be helping with cooking for some kids. i think DS1 was still biting his crayons ay that stage

you sound like you're doing a great job

Original poster

Daffodilly · 31/03/2008 15:07

Thanks for the extra ideas - I like the idea of squashing pastry into muffin cases!

sleepycat I think you have a point about the mess. Neither DH or I are messy people and I think DD has inherited it. Definitely something to work on in the interested of fun play. I shall start a mantra "Be at one with the mess".

Thank Gawd I didn't mention to the HV that last time we went to feed the ducks DD ate most of the bread - stale crust and also still slightly frozen! Yummy....

OP posts:

Pavlovthecat · 31/03/2008 15:08

baking?!!! lol, the next masterchef?!!

EffiePerine · 31/03/2008 15:10

No way in hell would DS (18 mo) be able to help with baking . He doesn;t get colouring wither - he bashes the paper a few times and wanders off. He does like pottering around with me and investigating things though

Pavlovthecat · 31/03/2008 15:11

are you sure she did not get confused and think your LO was 24 months?!!!

DD is now doing imaginary things with her toys at 21 months, likes stickers, mainly to eat, enjoys colouring as long as it is a permanent marker on important paperwork, and has only just started to want to tip salt into cooking, or tip flour onto the flour and 'stir' it with a spoon!!!

Your HV is mad!

JingleyJen · 31/03/2008 15:12

I don't think it sounds like she is missing out at all

we do most of the things your HV suggested with DS's, it is messy and they don't have skill it is about extended play time. Colouring with DS2 (18 months) is about him holding the crayon and making his mark on a piece of paper.
He loves to stick stickers on things so I peel the backing off and he places things randomly on the paper.
cooking for us is about him sitting on the sideboard with a wooden spoon mixing things with me as I mix them. he loves helping to make jelly trying to pull the block apart and putting it in a jug, then I pour the boiling water and he stirs the mixture till the cubes have melted.
As the weather gets better, to most of these things in the garden, easier to clear up, doesn't matter if anything gets spilled..

EffiePerine · 31/03/2008 15:12

DS pinched all the bread I took to feed the ducks with yesterday - he plonked it in his toy pushchair and screamed when I tried to rescue it! He does not see that birds are entitled to any food when he might be peckish

MaeWest · 31/03/2008 15:12

Sounds like what you're doing is fine I do some 'activities' with DS (20 months), but mostly we just hang out when we're at home (I work 2-3 days days a week). So he might 'help' me unload the dishwasher by putting all the cutlery in the drawer, be my peg man when I'm putting out the washing, or do his own cooking with an old saucepan and some bits of pasta while I cook.

He'll scribble with a crayon for all of about 2 minutes, occasionally on paper, and has just got the hang of stickers but not that fussed about them. Ripping up catalogues and sticking them on another bit of paper occupies another couple of nano seconds. Mostly tho, we go out - to the park, to the high street, swimming, toddler groups (where he gets chance to do messy stuff).

I'm hoping when the weather gets a bit nicer to do more messy stuff out of doors.

BirdyArms · 31/03/2008 15:12

I think that your health visitor is nuts. DS1 was 2.5 before we could do the things she talks about. I think that the only messy play type thing that he did at that age was washing up. I let him do it standing on a chair at the sink whilst I chopped veg etc next to him but a washing up bowl on the floor would be safer. Actually wished I hadn't let him do it so young because he used to want to do it all the time.

Sounds like you are doing plenty of activities with her and have absolutely no need to worry.

Meandmyjoe · 31/03/2008 15:13

Sounds a bit young to actually be able to anything other than make a mess with baking (not necessarrlly a bad thing!) but no way she'd be able to hold her attention for long enough to actually create something edible, even with your help! Wouldn't worry, you're doing fine!

MaeWest · 31/03/2008 15:15

Yep, washing up is great, keeps DS amused (if very wet) for ages while I clear up in the kitchen/cook.

sfxmum · 31/03/2008 15:18

dd is nearly 3 and we just do usual stuff

-if I am cleaning she likes to 'help' so she gets a cloth
-if I am cooking she will 'help' too

we do reading, painting playdough,songs extra baking, some telly and dvd's PC etc.

and we talk all the time about this and that
she also likes playing by herself and will keep busy with her dolls/ cars building blocks pencils etc.

EffiePerine · 31/03/2008 15:19

yes, DS loves singing (even with my voice) and will join in on the chorus

MaeWest · 31/03/2008 15:22

Oh, I'd forgotten singing and dancing! DS is particularly partial to reggae

TheApprentice · 31/03/2008 15:27

what is it about life nowadays that everyone seems to be wanting to push children into stuff so young - often before they are ready. I think 17 months is too young to be doing most of this stuff. My ds is 15 months and into climbing, putting/pulling objects in and out of containers,shape sorter,exploring etc. No chance of him comprehending crafty stuff yet. If you give him a crayon he tries to eat it. He doesnt quite get the concept of feeding the ducks either - preferring to eat the bread himself! I think this is perfectly normal for his age.

I am hoping when the weather turns nicer he will enjoy playing with containers and water, but the other kinds of activites you mentioned can wait till he is 2!

mejon · 31/03/2008 15:28

DD will be 20 months this week and has only just got the hang of 'colouring' - that is actually scribbling with a crayon as opposed to just stabbing at the paper a few times. She has only just started using her Duplo/Mega blocks 'properly' too.

I tried to interest her in the Aquadraw I got for her a couple of months ago yesterday, but she was more interested in sucking the water out of the pen and brush/pad thing than actually using it on the drawing surface. As for Playdoh - all the ones I've seen are marked as either for 3yrs+ or at the very least 18mths+ so for the HV to be suggesting that a 17 month old should be happily modelling with it is bonkers. Ignore her and carry on as you have - it sounds as though she loves what you are doing and will get to the other things in her own time!

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