Erm how rigid are 'normal' 3 year olds - ds3 seems to be becoming Aspie before our eyes.....

[yurt1]

... which he might be. He started on gluten back in December and I'm not sure that it's not triggering something. I'm thinking of taking it off.

On the other hand his behaviour could be totally within the realms of normal and I don't want to leap in and see things that aren't there......

Just wondered whether these are in the realms of normal for a just 3 year old.

2 days ago dh took him and ds2 to school/nursery. DH drove down the 'wrong' street (ds3 wanted to go in another way). He had such a tantrum that the head had to take ds2 in and go and find a teacher to come and help dh get ds3 in.

At nursery someone stood up and ds3 sat in their chair. When the child came back he absolutely refused to move - it was his chair.

This morning dh drove off to work and ds3 was in an utter frenzy saying goodbye. He couldn't stop. DH said goodbye about 15 times but it still wasn't enough and huge tantrum when dh drove off.

Now a big tantrum that has been going on for 10 mins or so because I came downstairs carrying his shoes. He wanted to carry them too and now wants me to go back upstairs with the shoes to carry them down with him. Er no.

This rigidity/ritualistic behaviour has come literally out of nowhere (he;s always been highly strung but not like this). I wondered whether he was going down with something but nothing has surfaced and the behaviour has got worse. It is kind of similar to ds1's behaviour on gluten (bit frenzied).

Would appreciate some idea of whether this is within the realms of normal or whether I need to run around like a headless chicken chucking in biomed stuff before some sort of full blown regression sets in.

Oh ds sniffs!

Now (at the grand old age of 8 next week) it is restricted to part of his night time 'good night', we have to have a hug, sniff, kiss and cuddle. But he used to sniff everyone!

thankfully dh's family is packed to the gunnels with the exotic and the eccentric, so no-one really took more than amused interest

Interesting thread - was particularly interested in your posts MB and 100times.

My ds definitely has 'oddities'. Anything from screeching because he has a hair on his hands or clothes or a piece of cotton hanging off his clothes or sees a ball of fluff/dust (eg, when I sweep the kitchen floor). He also has a limited range of food he will eat (and would drink milk all day if possible)and generally refuses to try any new food.

His current 'thing' is that he says he hates the smell of bananas. And his ongoing 'thing' is his love of batteries. He has a collection of them and sometimes sleeps with them next to him (we have moved on from him clutching one in his hand at bedtime, ditto rubbers which he used to sniff all the time)

Some of his 'things' have been part of his behaviour for the last couple of years or so that I can't even think what they are iyswim. They are just part of him.

I feel a bit confused now tbh.

my ds is a sniffer too and a hand flapper extraordinaire - we call it 'niff niff' the sniffing (as he couldn't say 'sn' until quite recently). I never actually thought there was anything odd about it, thought it was just him being well, him and like others, in the realm of our families, he doesn't look out of place at all (though that's probably a damning indictment poor child!).

Why are you confused Mercy? Confused because the behaviour worries you a bit?

FIS - have to go for now but yes, I have been a little worried for a while. I'll be back late hopefully.

mercy, how old is your ds?

Mine is now 8 and will eat far more different types of foods....hes just eaten salmon coated with saffron cous cous, how wanky is that!

But at one time I cried with joy and posted on MN because he ate pizza!

In the end you have to ask if your child's behaviours have a significant impact on family life.

Ds's don't. They did have a little effect, but not much, when he was younger.

If they don't have a significant effect it is just one of those 'things' that you deal with as a parent IMHO.

Ds does have some degree of SEN, but it isn't that big a deal. We are lucky enough to get him the help he needs. He is happy and healthy, making progress and is somewhat odd in some respects.

But given his parents I'd be more surprised if her were 100% 'normal'

and dd, NT to her fingertips, has meltdowns over things like prime numbers ffs, We have to take the line that normality is dull, or I'd be committed by now

Mercy, I agree with MB - it is the amount that it impacts on your life but more importantly on your child's life which determines whether you pursue the 'oddities' I think.

With ds2 I thought it was important, to help navigate the education system and to get him the support that he needs. He is very sociable though, if a bit eccentric, so really it is just about making sure nobody at school shouts when he's slow getting changed or penalize him for crap handwriting.

Actually - it is their self-esteem which matters. So if your ds or FIS's ds aren't coping well, then that is the time to step in. If they are getting in trouble at school or having difficulty socializing or having meltdowns on a regular basis - then it is worth looking into it because to not do so would be unfair on them, because you can find ways help or at least to educate yourself. Does that make sense?

The quirky and sensory stuff is like ds2 although he's not remotely Aspie and bounces through life sunny and enjoying it.

I'm trying some new approaches with ds3 today..... Some mixed results.

I'd agree with that 100. School is a leveller in that sense - any 'oddities' DO tend to stick out like a sore thumb ime. We have quite a lot of special needs children at our school (and a dedicated SENCO and a SALT that comes in etc.) so it's easy to access help if needed (so ds has assessments with the SALT at school now).

But I do think the 'worrying about the behaviour' phase is very difficult, especially in the years leading up to school because it is hard to know whether your child IS going to be able to cope or whether the behaviour is just an eccentricity or something to worry about, even if you do have access to lots of other children (say via nursery) the same age.

I think all you can do is keep a watchful eye on it.

Tell about your approaches Yurt.

Wise words from the Fox.

I don't want to hijack Yurt1's thread so I'll keep it brief.

Ds' behaviour does impact on our lives to a small extent. But I think that is mostly down to disagreements between dh and I as to how to deal with him. But tbh dd was near to tears yesterday because ds refuses to eat (she thinks he will get ill and not grow properly).

I think he's sleepwalking atm too.

I've got a list as long as your arm as to ds's oddities - but apparently he's absolutely fine at nursery school (he was 4 last month btw).

Right, have to go again! Will check in later.

Hmm approaches a bit random tbh. But something that has worked is spelling out the consequences of certain behaviours before they happen. He's been hitting a lot recently so today when he hit he went straight upstairs and into his room. I then explained that if he hit again he would be back upstairs in his room again. He hit again (so up we went). I explained again. He then went to hit again but I stopped him in mid swipe and said 'what will happen?'; "go upstairs' he said, pulled a face and put his fist down.

Apart from the freak out of the escalators he's just been his usual stroppy self today (which doesn't worry me).

I think that's quite mature of him (understanding the consequences of his behaviour).

I do think illness plays a part yurt. Ds was miles better today - we even had the neighbours complain about the noise yesterday (and we are on good terms with them and they've NEVER complained) but it's all because his cold is lifting today and he seems to be more reasonable.

I don't know about you but I've noticed a few triggers - one is a brooding illness, one is hunger and the other is tiredness. I know they all sound pretty obvious but they all contribute.

Mercy, I think being OK at school is a biggy but nursery school different to proper school. If it's a good nursery, the nursery nurses experiences of him can be invaluable so always worth asking what their thoughts are.

He can't control himself that well though FIS. He's been really naughty today- but obviously naughty on purpose not because he doesn't understand something (which I don't mind). Only one weird spell with dh about not allowing 2 bunches of flowers in a trolley or something.

that sounds very like being 3 doesn't it

I think its more of an attention thing with ds3 as most of the time he just wants the opposite to whatever is going on.

DS1 gets a lot of attention. He has to. So I suspect this is ds3's way of trying to redress the balance. Am trying to make sure I catch him being good to praise him when he is (although I have to be quick to catch it )

Agree with you FIS.

It does sound pretty typical for a 3 year old tbh. Both of mine seemed to more or less bypass the terrible twos. We had the threenagers instead.

Oh we had the terrible 2s with ds3 as well. He has always been highly strung. I'm still not quite sure what caused the last couple of weeks but do wonder whether he was running some sort of mild illness. I did say to a friend if he hadn't already had chickenpox I would have half expected spots to start popping up (all 3 have been vile before chickenpox) but no sign of anything.

It is nice to have him back to his willful stroppy difficult self though

Thanks for the reference Yurt, will have a look at it.

Have asked ex to have a look at this thread as I was slightly concerned, has sent me a message saying he was not concerned as he was the same (taking care of attaching a link with plenty of tshirts with messages in binnary code!)

And to think I was worried before sending him the link... NOW I'M WORRIED

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