Help needed with aggressive behaviour please, desperate, worried mum.

[offtobuttonmoon]

My 2 1/2 yr old Dd is showing aggressive behaviour to other children at a toddler group that we attend. She seems to focus on one child in particular.

I don't want her to be labelled as an aggressive child, she is capable of expressing a lot of love and affection. I don't want to stop taking her to the group as I feel it is important for her to mix with other children.

I am trying to get her to be empathic and compassionate and appreciate how the other child is feeling, rather than being aggressive towards her and getting her to say sorry. I am quite against the idea of the naughty corner, or time out, as I don't really think that it will make her feel more concerned about other peoples feelings.

Does anyone have any experience of their child going through similar things? If so then what was the outcome? Does anyone have any experience in dealing with such matters in ways that do not humiliate the child or mirror the aggressive behaviour shown?

Can anyone suggest any books aimed at toddlers that deal with these kinds of things?

This situation is really getting to me and I want it to be resolved ASAP for all concerned.

Watcing your thread as I have just posted on a similar topic.

We do the naugthy step with DS1 and then make sure he says sorry. It does seem to work apart from when he gets into a hyper mood (see my other post). You could just try getting her to say sorry if you don't want to do the naughty step. I think saying sorry is really important because it gets them to think about the other person.

my dd didn't really show concern about other people's feelings till she was about 5, so 2.5 is still quite young in that sense.
Is she happy and easy to manage at home (give or take the usual 2 year old shennanigans)
Does she get clearly told what is right and wrong? Does she get lots of praise and encouragement when she is good?
what do the teachers at the nursery think?

to start let me reassure you this is perfectly normal!!!(im a mum of 3 and a nursery nurse) the way round it i find is to talk about feelings a lot ohhhh that makes me happy when u tidy the toys away ohhh i love it when you give me a hug etc etc on playschool days focus on the fun sh will have keep her busy nd away from the child she disagrees with -praise her up all the time how clever she is etc etc if she does behave in a 'agressive way' remove her from situation quickly if you can get an apology out of her easily then thats good if not a sorry from you will suffice dont blame yourself and feel you have to continually apologise for a nasty phase , and leave the room tell her thats unkind and unpleasant it makes you and the other child sad- dont milk it out she cant be made to feel guilt all day just enough to let her know you are upset,if you can pre empt a reaction then quickly divert her attention ....soon this phase will pass and anyone who can pass judgement on such a young child isnt worthy of your worry anyway ,good luck xx

Thank you for responding to me.

A friend suggested this web site, it seems really interesting, has anyone else come accross it.

naomialdort.com/discussion.html

There is a forum listed in Young Children about aggressive behavior...

Just make sure you offer soothing noises to the other child/parent and remove dd/stop her when she gets going. It will pass.

Before you go to toddler group keep talking to her about being nice to the other children, that it's nice to be nice. I would also tell her that if she is aggressive then you will not be able to go and will have to go home. If she is agressive then remind her and give her a warning that if anything else happens you will be going home. If anything else does happen, take her home and tell her why. I wouldn't be nasty or angry just appear to be a bit sad about it.
If there isn't an improvement then don't go for a couple of times and explain why. Eventually she will get the message.