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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I have slapped my dd's face today and I'm upset..

74 replies

Summerfruit · 19/03/2008 19:16

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

harpsichordcarrier · 19/03/2008 19:17

you're upset?
how is your daughter?

3NAB · 19/03/2008 19:17

But I doubt you will do it again.

3NAB · 19/03/2008 19:18

No because I can see you were upset and was it her face because that is what you reached?

Original poster

Summerfruit · 19/03/2008 19:19

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OP posts:

camillathechicken · 19/03/2008 19:20

i think that slapping a child's face, in fact, anyone's face is unacceptable. you need to find another way to deal with her when she defies you. i know you have had a lot of upheaval lately and maybe not thinking as straight as usual. i doubt you will do it again. make sure your daughter is totally clear that you will never hurt her like that again and that you love her dearly.

Lauriefairycake · 19/03/2008 19:21

You need to find another way of disciplining her, you said nothing will work, something will, you just need to find it. Maybe you could have put your other one down and gone outside and disciplined her.

If you normally hit her then you definitely need to find another way, it just doesn't work long term and it is emotionally damaging (I'm sure you probably know this )

What's your relationship like with her normally?

bellavita · 19/03/2008 19:22

We all do things in the heat of the moment that perhaps we should or should not do.

Explain to her that you love her but not her behaviour.

I would not beat yourself up about it, what is done is done.

Hope you are both ok.

No1ErmaBombeckfan · 19/03/2008 19:23

Been there and done that

Can this help?

hifi · 19/03/2008 19:23

of all the abuse my mum did any hitting or slapping around the head stays with me, if its just the once make it your last.

Original poster

Summerfruit · 19/03/2008 19:26

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OP posts:

3NAB · 19/03/2008 19:29

It sounds so much like my relationship with my eldest.

I once slapped his face when he was quite young, 2-3 ish, and we both burst in to tears with me apologising over and over and cuddling him.

I was beaten as a child so determined to not smack but all 3 have had a few. I really don't want to smack any more.

I understand where you were coming from which is why I said no but you don't need us to tell you you mustn't do it again.

Try and ignore the bad behaviour and try and give her one to one time as she may be jealous of the time you give to the baby.

AAL · 19/03/2008 19:30

Yeah, I must admit i remember the time my Mum hit me in the face - it was a shock, but as a mother myself now, I can see how it came about. It's probably not the best, but the fact you are so mortified means it prob won't happen again. I expect one day dd will be in the same boat, we're none of us perfect and they're hard sometimes. make tomorrow a better day

Original poster

Summerfruit · 19/03/2008 19:33

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OP posts:

3NAB · 19/03/2008 19:34

It never is, love. Welcome to motherhood.

Original poster

Summerfruit · 19/03/2008 19:36

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OP posts:

DloeufyDoo · 19/03/2008 19:38

Agree totally 3NAB

LaDiDaDi · 19/03/2008 19:39

Sorry but I do think that you were out of order (you did ask although I think that you know it anyway).

Your dd was being very annoying and it was upsetting and perhaps embarrassing for you as you were at a friend's house and it was her property that your dd was potentially damaging but she did not deserve to be smacked. No one does. I think that you need to work out some other strategies to deal with your dd and yes, maybe some parenting courses or advice may be of benefit and help you and your dd to be happier.

Original poster

Summerfruit · 19/03/2008 19:41

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OP posts:

Meandmyjoe · 19/03/2008 19:43

Oh I'm sure we all feel this as mums, that wheatever we do it's never good enough! Please don't feel too bad about smacking her. I'm not saying I agree with smacking but you gave her plenty of warnings and you do feel guilty so I think you are unlikely to do it again.

Maybe to stop you from doing it again you could remember the feeling right before you smacked her and recognise it in time to prevent you doing it in the future.

Don't feel too guilty though. Providing this isn't a regular occurance and you didn't hit her overly hard or aggressively then she will be fine! I was smacked when I was little if I ignored warnings and I can honestly say I don't resent or blame my parents at all. They never hit me hard enough to actually harm me but it was enough to let me and my brother know we'd gone too far! In my opinion, providing she is well loved and nurtured she will be fine!

beansmum · 19/03/2008 19:58

You were out of order, and you should feel guilty. But you shouldn't stress too much about it. You snapped and did something that you shouldn't have, but if it is just a one off it isn't going to do your dd a huge amount of damage.

Original poster

Summerfruit · 19/03/2008 20:02

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OP posts:

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/03/2008 21:54

oh i hate threads like this the OP in her honest opinion says she was wrong for smacking her dd.Lets face it things are not always easy and we all as parents snap...last night i ripped my ds1's favourite book up and will not replace it. he has to earn it back and if he doesn't like it then tough on him. if he does something so out of order it deserves a smack then so be it....a smack or slap never killed anyone. Lets be honest when smacking was not frowned upon so much kids were much better behaved, and not so disrespectful...all beit because they feared a smack...it worked. Now we live in a nanny society where shouting at kids is wrong, but making them stay in one place..i.e holding them against their will is acceptable. Smacking is wrong but taking their possessions i.e theft is acceptable. I guess it depends on how you percieve things.

FairyMum · 23/03/2008 22:00

" last night i ripped my ds1's favourite book up"

No further comment.

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/03/2008 22:03

yes i did rip it, i asked him repeatedly to turn the light off and settle down he refused repeatedly. i warned him i would rip it up if he did not do as i asked and he ignored me....he knew what the outcome would be and didn't seem to care....by the way i am talking about an almost 10 yr old and it was almost 11pm

onepieceoflollipop · 23/03/2008 22:08

..."kids were much better behaved and not disrespectful" - I disagree, are there any statistics to support this?

It is your right of course to discipline your own children in whatever ways you feel to be appropriate. I personally would not destroy property belonging to my children; but if you feel that this behaviour will teach them respect then again, that is your opinion.

Personally I was given a "wallop" on at least a daily basis by my very short tempered, bullying father. Smacking and shouting was his way of controlling us. He also "trashed" my brother's room on one occasion for an imagined misdemeanour.

It has affected me very deeply. Ime hitting a child routinely is damaging. I am glad that the op has been able to be honest about feeling upset by her behaviour

Summerfruit I hope that you will get the support and advice you need; it is tough when you have a defiant dd - my dd1 is 4 and really pushes the boundaries. I struggle as well.

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