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Original poster

I have slapped my dd's face today and I'm upset..

74 replies

Summerfruit · 19/03/2008 19:16

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
LaidbackinEngland · 23/03/2008 22:10

Summerfruit - most Sure Start centres offer free parenting courses. HAve a look on the Sure start website and you can find your nearest one.

lucyellensmum · 23/03/2008 22:10

Blimey Lady, what are you going to do if he really does something wrong?? I think it is almost sacrilidge to destroy books, but to destroy your sons favourite book because he was not wanting lights out? Way to go!!

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/03/2008 22:11

One, it taught him not to ignore my requests and warnings. I have in the past smacked him when the situation has called for it, i.e once he ran into a road and was narrowly missed by a car, he knew roads were dangerous and ignored me and ran off. I warned him about the book and the outcome he ignored me and so as i tell him "every action has a reaction"

onepieceoflollipop · 23/03/2008 22:11

Just to clarify, most of my post was in response to LadyEvenStar's previous post, not the OP. (apart from my last few lines)

FairyMum · 23/03/2008 22:11

Jeez... there are lots of bizzarre parenting out there.

lucyellensmum · 23/03/2008 22:12

clearly i need to read more books, then i might be able to spell (sacralige - oh, i dont know!!)

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/03/2008 22:13

Lucy, i had been asking him for an hour, i think almost 11 is late enough for a 9 yr old. and when he is laughing at me and saying go on then bet you won't rip it cos i will make you buy me another and you know you will or i will cause trouble, then i think i was within my rights. oh by the way it is the first time in my life that I have ever destroyed a book.

FairyMum · 23/03/2008 22:13

"every action has a reaction"

Yes, but perhaps you should react like an adult rather than as if you were also a 10 year-old

onepieceoflollipop · 23/03/2008 22:13

Lem you need to go over to Pedants' Corner. Don't think any one noticed your spelling mistake until you helpfully pointed it out.

Cosmo74 · 23/03/2008 22:14

Well said TheLadyEvenstar - when we were younger and got slapped there was never need for ASBO's etc.... if your mother ever mentioned telling the priest/police we were scared out of our wits - nowadays kids are bearly afraid of anyone - parents and adults are more afraid of children - that is why the schools are finding it hard to get teachers..

I remember getting slapped - and the odd time I slap my kids - if I have tried other things first, and I know that I deserved most of my slaps the ones that I felt I didn't deserve I can understand why my mother did it - she was at home all day looking after 6 of us and having dinner made for Daddy when he came home, and sometimes things get to you.

Don't feel bad - maybe it was just what she needed - I don;t think you should fuss over her too much though - what was done was done - just try building on your relationship. Parenthood is never easy!!!

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/03/2008 22:15

fairy and maybe you should curb the insults? I carried out the warning and therefore not sending mixed messages to him....afterall thought that was the correct way to deal with a child carry out the warning??? and rather a book than a smack for rudeness.

lucyellensmum · 23/03/2008 22:15

It would seem the original post was done and dusted. I think the OP has totally different issues and problems with her DD and reacted out of desperation, she new she was wrong to do this and was asking advice. Thankfully, she wasnt flamed. I would never flame a poster for smacking, ive done it in the past, but im not proud of it, and i hope not to be repeating with DD2. I am sorry but i think ripping up the boys book is much worse actually, can't imagine why lady is proud of this , why couldnt she just take the book away and not give it back until the next day, or even a week?

lucyellensmum · 23/03/2008 22:17

But why not take the book away in the first instance, cos it don't sound like your rigid discipline is really working.

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/03/2008 22:18

a book can be replaced a smack can't be taken away.....OP not knocking you there!!!

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/03/2008 22:19

Lucy because taking one book would be no good he has over 100 books and would simply get another

controlfreakyagain · 23/03/2008 22:24

lev. i pity you when your very angry 15 year old decides to push the boundaries......if you think it's ok to treat a 9 / 10 year old like this what will you do with a teenager?

controlfreakyagain · 23/03/2008 22:24

sorry, that was to les, obviously

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/03/2008 22:26

it was a book not his life fgs...i can buy a new copy. well when he earns it and deserves it. I cannot have a 9 yr old dictating to me i also have a baby to think about.

Nighbynight · 23/03/2008 22:27

LadyEvenstar, in similar situations, I remove ds's lamp. If I am really pushed, I have removed the bulb in their light.
They really dont like this....agree, you had to do something, as telling him was clearly not getting results.

lucyellensmum · 23/03/2008 22:28

but he was READING, its not like he was on his playstation, heavens above, surely that was a good thing, i read myself to sleep, he probably would have fallen asleep quite happily over his book had you left him too it.

Nighbynight · 23/03/2008 22:28

talking about discipline brings out the worst in mumsnet, I find.

Nighbynight · 23/03/2008 22:29

lucyEM, she said it was 11 pm - a 9 year old should be sleeping, not reading.

I speak as one who has just had a 1/2 hour counselling session with my worried 10 year old, and it is 11.30 here.

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/03/2008 22:31

Nigh, the flat we live in has lights fitted into the wall i cannot get the covers off i leave that side of things to dp who was at work last night....i had been asking him for so long and being answered back with rudeness that i did all i could.

Lucy no he wasnt playin on a playstation as it is at my mums and he doesn't have a tv in his room, i had already removed his stereo as he kept turning it up.

I would have left him to it but he gets grumpy if he doesn't get enough sleep and he is generally up at 7 at a weekend.

lucyellensmum · 23/03/2008 22:31

i don't get it, i thought we were supposed to encourage our children to read?

I think it is irrelevant that you can replace it, because that make the punishment even more worthless to be honest. Like you said, he said he knew you would replace it etc. So in the long run, you have gone back on it anyway........good suggestion about removing the light, but does it really hurt for them to be reading so long as they are quiet and don't disturb anyone else??

But hey, im far from the perfect parent, i just wish that reading at night was the only problems i had with DD1 (17)

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/03/2008 22:32

Nigh i dont mind the odd late night but the night before (friday) we had been at my sisters b'day party and he didn't leave there until 10.30 when my do took him and my mum home.