Big Tantrum... what would you have done? did i do the right thing?

[mankymummy]

DS 2 and 6 months has recently been saying he doesnt want to go to nursery, crying when I've left him but fine 5 minutes after I've left and fine for the rest of the session. He has been unwell recently and put it down to that.

This morning, he threw a complete tantrum, crying, kicking screaming when i tried to get him in his buggy saying he didnt want to go and he wanted to go to bed because he was tired.

Tried calming him down to no avail, eventually put him up in his cot where after a couple of minutes of crying he then started chatting himself and calling out for me. He obviously wasnt tired.

By then too late to take him to nursery so he stayed at home.

Did I do the right thing? Should I have just strapped him in and taken him screaming down the road?

Is this a 2.5 hour session at nursery, rather than childcare?

Is he generally happy at nursery and just going through a clingy phase (separation anxiety and all that)? Are you happy with the nursery?

If the answers are 'yes' then I think you just learn from it and be brisk, breezy and firm next time!

I would have put him in his cot as a way of calming him then I would have gone in to get him and told him now its time for nursery in a breezy lewts go and see your friends type way and taken him.

I think 1 day off if he's been off colour is fine but I wouldn't have kept him home because he had a tantrum.

its a 9-12 session at a private nursery. generally very happy and yes i think going through clingy stage. very, very happy with the nursery.

i wonder if its just a terrible two's thing as he has recently started having tantrums about other things too whereas before he was always (well nearly) happy. Do they just start overnight for no apparent reason as that is what it feels like!

think you are right about the next time...

OK, I might be being controversial here, but it seems to me he is trying to tell you that he is spending too much time in nursery. Even if the nursery is excellent and he is very happy, he is only 2 1/2 and developmentally children really don't need groups until they are 3. Obviously if you need the nursery because you are working then he will have to get used to it, but I would be tempted to cut down his sessions. I had this with my son: he loved the indivudual activities he went to, and after I left he was fine, but cumulatively in the week he just wasn't getting enough time at home. We cut down sessions to 3 per week, and I made sure we had more focused Mummy time, he was a lot calmer, happier and threw fewer tantrums.

I know you don't want to reward the tantrum, so I wouldn't give in and take him home if he tantrums, but look at the whole week and see if you think he needs change.

steppemum... the strange thing is though that normally he just toddles off really happily and actually sometimes cries when i go to take him home.

he goes from 9 to 12.30 two mornings a week - do you really think thats too much?

I thought it was important to send him because he is an only child and i am a lone parent, it has made a huge difference to his confidence.

2 mornings does not sound too much to me and on the basis of one tantrum I would not make any changes. If it carries on, then you may need to re-think things. I think what you did was fine.

My DS, 2+7m has been through a very similar stage lately, it started with bedtime, after being happy to say night night and let me leave, he started going absolutely berserk (not unusual for him to cry for 5-10 mins before settling on his own when he was just a bit younger but this was on another level). Then, after being very happy to run into nursery or the creche at the gym (to the point where I usually have to go after him to remove coat and say goodbye) he suddenly became clingy after a holiday. It was almost as if he had got too used to me and DH being around constantly.

I took a tough stance with the bedtime, effectively doing controlled crying, which was really horrible, sometimes he screamed for 40 mins the first few nights, but I am expecting another baby in June and the thought of sitting with DS1 until he got to sleep and dealing with new baby was too much (my SIL sits with her DS1 who is now almost 4 and she loses at least 2 hours of every evening in a dark room with him!). It took just a few days for him to get back to normal.

I gave in once to the tantrum re nursery - the next time we went he was saying he didnt want to go but was happy when I said I would come in and play with him - then he ran in and the second we were in there he went off and played without me, no problem. Had a bit of a whinge when I said goodbye 5 mins later but all fine since then.

I dont think 2 mornings a week is too much at this age, I think they just often have a bit more awareness and become a little more anxious about separation from you and you need to help them learn that you will always come back! Can you rerun the settling in process at nursery perhaps?

Sorry - 2 mornings sounds just right, for some reason I thought he was going every day. I would just go on as normal, as someone else said, all bright and breezy, and see how you go for a week or two. We tend to forget that kids are entitled to have a bad day/feel a bit off just like we do.
Hope it goes better for you next time

oh thanks everyone, feel so much better. woke up this morning determined to be Cheery Mummy, been to the park with him this morning and have not let anything get to me and to be honest been back to my more assertive self. It has worked wonders (fingers crossed), he hasnt had one tantrum today. I think I've let things slip whilst he's been ill whereas he's the sort of child that needs structure and to know i'm in charge. if you know what i mean!