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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

help

57 replies

3NAB · 16/03/2008 16:44

DD asked DS to help her tidy up.

DS hit DD

DD hit him back

I asked DS if he wanted to be hit by me - Yes he did

I told him it was wrong

I said I didn't want to be his mummy anymore and he has left the house

I have had enough

I can't do this any more

We are trying our best and nothing works

They just don't seem to care

Ds has just come back

DS gave DD a black eye last week

Ds is 7 on Wed

DD is 4 and 7 months

I know what I said was wrong but it is how I felt at he doesn't want me to love him anyway

Feel really depressed and would respectfully ask that you don't all have a go at what I said. I know I shouldn't have said it and I think it expresses how desperate I am.

OP posts:

posieflump · 16/03/2008 16:46

have you been to the gp?

Original poster

3NAB · 16/03/2008 16:47

I am already on ADs

OP posts:

posieflump · 16/03/2008 16:48

oh sorry, I wasn't sure
is dh there with you today?
have you taken kids out today?
or divide and conquer, you take ne out, he looks after other two?

Original poster

3NAB · 16/03/2008 16:52

We have been in most of the day as they lost their chance to go out this morning.

I am flipping sick of it. they should bloody well do as they are told and we shouldn't have to split up as a family to stop them fighting each other and back chatting us.

OP posts:

BoysOnToast · 16/03/2008 16:58

i know how bad it is when they just bicker and whack each other in a fairly harmless manner (mine are only 2, 3 and 4)... and i know how quickly i run out of my own temper when it starts up again... and so i sympathise muchly.

what would i do if it got to the point that they were giving each other black eyes and the violence ascalating and more frequent? asking mn prob. i dont know.

keep posting. someone on here (or more likely a number of people) have the right words and advice and exp to help you sort this out.

Original poster

3NAB · 16/03/2008 17:01

He flipping well gave her a black eye because she didn't know the pasword for going upstairs. WTH? WTF?

I had to go and get him in. He was hiding by the bin.

Can't do this anymore and really wish I didn't want too.

OP posts:

themildmanneredbunny · 16/03/2008 17:03

you can do this.
what is the alternative?
put them into care?

right-what you need to do is get them out of the house.
keeping them indoors as a punishment only punishes you.

Get them out to the nearest field/park whatever and get them running.

i know it's hard and i know you are at the end of your tether but saying things like 'i don't want to be your mummy anymore' is NOT going to help. it is only going to make things worse.it's going to make him feel insecure and it's going to screw him up.

mankymummy · 16/03/2008 17:04

Has he always been like this or only recently?

Has anything else changed that might be affecting his behaviour?

Can you try a weekend of splitting DS and DD up, you and DP (assuming you have one) each take one child for the day then swap for the next day. Maybe some one on one time may give them the attention they need and also give you the chance to find out whats going on.

Or having some time out without the DCs so you can get a chance to breathe and calm down.

I only have one DS and cannot imagine how hard it is with two, especially if they are arguing and fighting all the time. Guess I'm not the best person to give advice but thought I'd give it a go...

Original poster

3NAB · 16/03/2008 17:11

tea was eaten quietly.

DS told DD to sit down so they didn't have to tidy up.

He was sent upstairs and he is cheering as he doesn't have to tidy up.

I quit.

OP posts:

Original poster

3NAB · 16/03/2008 17:12

he is currently cheeking his dad, making stupid noises and being a pita.

OP posts:

mankymummy · 16/03/2008 17:13

leave the tidying up until he's allowed to come downstairs again.

mankymummy · 16/03/2008 17:14

cling film him and sit him in the corner!

Original poster

3NAB · 16/03/2008 17:14

he is doing it inbetween telling his brother to misbehave and cheeking us.

OP posts:

mankymummy · 16/03/2008 17:15

after he's finished tidying up obviously!

Original poster

3NAB · 16/03/2008 17:15

it is pissing it down

OP posts:

Original poster

3NAB · 16/03/2008 17:16

when will he stop?

OP posts:

mankymummy · 16/03/2008 17:21

get the cling film out !

posieflump · 16/03/2008 17:34

yes think you shot yourself in the foot saying they couldn't go out
the one who is in most trouble maybe should stay hoe with you and other 2 go out with dh?

Original poster

3NAB · 16/03/2008 17:39

I didn't shoot myself in the foot. Maybe they will learn there are consequences. why give them nice days out when they won't behave?

And I already said we didn't want to go out separately, we hardly see each other as it is.

OP posts:

Original poster

3NAB · 16/03/2008 17:39

Even if we had have gone out he would still have been like this

OP posts:

BoysOnToast · 16/03/2008 17:46

getting out the house, you and them, benefits you all tho.
they need to burn off steam and get tired. without bouncing off your four walls, trashing the place and entertaining themselves with the usual fighting and bickering.
if you dont want to give them a treat, take them out somewhere they wont enjoy! go for a long walk soemwhere. or even a short walk.
fresh air and space to run and let off steam will use up energies they will otherwise expend at home.

and its possible that your negative expectations of ds's behaviour perpetuate it. can you try to think more positively? ie 'do this' rather then 'dont do that'. not that i manage to do that often... but it makes sense, no?

camillathechicken · 16/03/2008 17:47

ok, it might be time to bring the big guns in

you need outside help, for you and for DS

things are going to get worse because whatever you try is not working

family therapy?

warwick dyer?
unfortunately, you cannot quit, which makes it even harder to cope as there is no respite

Labby · 16/03/2008 17:48

Do you want ds to clear up? If you do and he is not doing it by now, get off the pc, go and get him and tell him that he will clear up. Don't threaten anything if he doesn't because that is giving him the option to not clear up and see if you will carry out your threat. Just go and get him, tell him as clearly and as calmyl what it is you want him to do and make sure he does it. Get dd out of the way while he does it.

I know this is hard Nab, but you cannot let him get out of your control.

BoysOnToast · 16/03/2008 17:50

camilla! i like your camilla name.

heres an alternative source of help

camillathechicken · 16/03/2008 18:13

thanks, couldn;t really do much with lulumama for easter ! this is dusted off from muppet week!

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