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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Three year old in bid for dictatorship....

68 replies

Smee · 07/03/2008 19:29

Please someone tell me this is a phase. DS (3) is turning virtually everything we do into a battle. it's got so ridiculous that even if I suggest a treat he it evolves into all out war. Today I said we'd go to his favourite cafe on the way for a swim. Cue tyrannical screaming that we had to do the swim first. Tired of all the confrontation of late, I decided not to react and said okay then we'll go straight to the pool, cue more yelling that it's not fair as I'd promised the cafe.

Whatever I do is wrong basically. Negotiation meets with "No!", me being assertive is countered with tantrums. I make damn sure I get what I've been insisting on, but it's more than a slog. Is this just being 3 (not far off 4)? Is he going for global dictatorship..? Is infanticide ever justified...?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Eddas · 07/03/2008 19:34

dd does this, although not all the time. seems to has days of it.(she'll be 4 in June) I can say agree with everything and it'll be wrong not sure infanticide is the answer I feel your pain though I'm sure it's just a phase, yet another[rolls eyes] dd seems to do it more when she's tired. You know those days when they wake up really early and spend the entire day moaning they're tired

2happy · 07/03/2008 19:36

I sincerely hope it's a phase since ds1 (2.9) has recently graduated from throwing a tantrum whenever he doesn't get what he wants to shouting no or go away or generally answering back. And then he throws a tantrum anyway.

ThingOne · 07/03/2008 19:42

Only a bid for dictatorship? I think it is called being three. Deep sigh.

Original poster

Smee · 07/03/2008 19:44

Infanticide : well if I ensured that the jury comprised solely of parents with similar tyrants I'd surely be free in a matter of minutes.. Only joking, but my what a day. So hard to keep calm and work out which battles you have to win.

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lucyellensmum · 07/03/2008 19:48

My sympathies smee - my 2 year old is like this, we call her mussolini (spelling!) or Mrs Thatcher, depending on how bad she is. It can be a nightmare, she has even worked out how to play DP and myself off against each other - i thought they held off on that until they were teenagers . It is bloody waring though isnt it.

moondog · 07/03/2008 19:50

Sounds suspiciously like my 3 year old who attempts to dictate who sits where and in what order we enter/leave the house amongst other things.

Look at him wrongly and he flings himself to the floor and has the mother of all tantrums.

It is so bloody exhausting.

Original poster

Smee · 07/03/2008 19:51

Oh my, now you've got me thinking - what will they be like as teenagers.. I think I need a very large drink.

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lucyellensmum · 07/03/2008 21:34

moondog, we have that, its like musical fecking chairs in the cafe!! That and, i dont want you, i want daddy, piss off!!! Nightmare

I have a teenager too - believe me, toddlers are a breeze!! MAke mine a double

amytheearwaxbanisher · 07/03/2008 21:52

my ds 2.6 has started this hoping its only a quick phase even when we are giving him a treat[trip to zoo and that]its a bloody war pouring myself a well earned pint as i type

rachaelsara · 07/03/2008 21:56

Just say no and stick to it. Musical chairs empowers the dictator. Tough titties empowers the parent.

(you'll find me rocking in the corner surrounded by four dicatators)

Original poster

Smee · 07/03/2008 22:07

So when does the tyrannical phase turn into docile adorable child then? Any takers - please reassurance might keep me sane. Though having said that, mine came out far from docile, so I doubt we'll ever reach that heady state. I don't mind personality, or attitude. It's the amount of it that scares me..

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snotbuster · 07/03/2008 22:11

DS (2.4) switched off the stereo not once but three times yesterday when I was attempting to listen to music (whilst cooking tea/folding laundry etc, etc). Beebies and a thousand toys were available for his young lordship's entertainment in the other room but no, it outraged him that I should use the stereo for anything other than his Thomas CD. In desperation I asked him, "Isn't Mummy allowed to have any fun?" to which him replied with a resounding NO.
I nearly cried, then remembered he is two and I am Mummy and therefore the Boss. And then finished cooking tea. In silence.

rachaelsara · 07/03/2008 22:15

How about an ipod?

rachaelsara · 07/03/2008 22:17

Mine drowns out the sound of the dogs fighting and the girls yelling at each other. I'm serene listening to The Cure, or Eminem, or any old shit!

Acinonyx · 07/03/2008 22:32

Oh no - you mean this goes on until they are 4 (or more)??? Dd is 2.8 and has been doing this since before Xmas. it drives us bonkers - as you say - everything, even nice things she likes - are greeted with 'NO!' and tantrums.

I don't generally insist (too exhausting and just seems to add fuel to the flames). Just say 'oh well, I guess not' or some such and carry on. After a while, she usually comes round to it as if it was her idea. Meal times are driving espeically C>R>A>ZY>.

Original poster

Smee · 07/03/2008 22:33

And my tyrant follows me round grabbing at IPod until it's untolerable and I give up. I told him the other day "I'm in charge" and he said calmly "No Mum, I'm in charge". There's that sorted then...

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Novicecamper · 07/03/2008 22:36

Moondog - my 3 year old is the same - he likes to tell everyone where they sit at the table (especially whose turn it is on 'the special chair' which is just one end of the table!) and who sits where in the car (it's a 7 seater so they have a bit of choice!).

He is a bossy little boots (can't think where he gets it from!!).

He is hard work but utterly adorable and sometimes I can find it amusing.

rachaelsara · 07/03/2008 22:39

It is all about power, I find locking myself in the loo helpful.

The ipod could be concealed in your bra? With hair to cover earphones?

I found that after the third birthday things calmed down, but you have to win each battle if you want to win the war!

Am I talking about children or guerilla (sp) warfare?

Original poster

Smee · 07/03/2008 23:02

Oh please don't say that, as we've got three months to go until birthday number 4 (if he lives that long..) Winning battles yes, but do there have to be so many?

And mores to the point, it's 11pm on a Friday night and my other half's in the pub, whilst I sit sadly surfing the net. It's more than likely that the small tyrant may have something to do with this sorry state of affairs.

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rachaelsara · 07/03/2008 23:28

I'm not qualified to talk about boys I'm afraid, I've got all girls. The battles decrease when the small ball of fury realises it's not going to work isywim. I pick my battles, and ignore minor disagreements to minimise the locking of horns.

Battles of will with grown men are a whole new thread...

callan · 08/03/2008 07:02

moondog do we share the same 3 yr old boychild? my 3.5 yr old son also dictates who sits where, who goes 1st from up and down stairs to getting in and out of car to entering and exiting any building. he has also developed a competitive streak and if anyone finishes a meal before him, not previously knowing they were in a race, he throws himself to the floor in mega tantrum. and the rules to every game are changed constantly by him but no one else is made aware. i just make my feelings known and as soon as he becomes hard work just walk away and let him get on with it, i've shouted, negotiated, threatened and offered treats but they don't work. or if he refuses to get dressed i bundle him into the car half naked or shoeless/coatless and the embarrassment of arriving at school with all other small children looking at the dishevelled arivee soon sorts the problem next time

2happy · 08/03/2008 07:28

So what we're saying is that the terrible twos give way to the TERRIBLE threes give way to the bloody awful fours, the frighteningly bad fives, the sickening sixes.....

MrsJohnCusack · 08/03/2008 07:52

my 3.3 year old is in this stage now
it's exhauasting and frustrating and I have turned into horrible shouty mummy (especially when DS pulls a 3 hour screeching in th emiddle of the night stint like he's done 3 times in the past 2 weeks...)

Original poster

Smee · 08/03/2008 10:32

Middle of the night thing, MJC. That's not you being a shouty mummy, it's you objecting to torture.
Hate to say it, but hearing of other despots is making me feel so much better. Thanks to all for sharing the suffering. Surely they grow out of it at some point..

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jollydo · 08/03/2008 10:36

My ds was being particularly bossy one day and I said to him "you are NOT the boss" at which he looked really sad and put out and said "I am the boss cos daddy calls me the boss" So it's Daddy's fault!

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