Speech/Communication Delays - Support Thread

[RiverRock22]

I have noticed a lot of speech and language/communication threads on these boards lately. Any parent who has gone through this will know it is a lonely place and like me I assume many of you have been up to all hours trawling these boards looking for answers.

I thought a thread where those of us in the same boat could take refuge in would be a good idea. To share tips or just chat about our experiences.

My daughter is 2.8 and is experiencing what I initially thought was a speech delay, however, I feel now is more of a communication delay as her receptive language understanding is poor as well as limited use of gestures etc.

I feel she hits a lot of autistic red flags but only on the communication (and by default the social) front, although this isn't being marked as a clear cut case of autism just yet. I have sought SALT assistance and we are working through the communication areas, starting with attention and listening activities. My main concern at the minute is communication, she is so passive to the point she barely interacts with us and doesn't want too much input from us and this makes me so sad. I long to have a toddler that doesn't give me a minutes peace wanting to play games.

I know there have been many fantastic ladies such as @lingle who have been through this and came out the other side. So anyone who has been through it and wants to give advice you are more than welcome.

So welcome to this safe space to moan, worry, chat and get advice.

F

@autumntreacle
@iamboredandgoingforatwix

I hope you don't mind me tagging you. I was reading a thread you were both on there and our kids seem to have a lot of similar traits. I am just tagging you incase you are interested to use this as a communal space to chat.

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@newforest1 @Michelle50

Please share your experiences and we can all help each other

Whether this thread gets going or not OP I’m happy to stay in contact. DS is 7, non verbal although sometimes I feel speech is emerging in bits. At 2.8 I couid have written what you wrote almost word for word. What has radically changed is his interaction and connection with us and yes, that’s the preemption for all communication. He wants to communicate and I sometimes think that once the light bulb goes on for our children that this is what communication is, in any form, and this is how it can make life better a lot more flows.

he is bright academically and has a diagnosis of speech dyspraxia. He started a really good SS in Sep after 2 useless years in MS and communication is the heart of everything they do with him from him choosing his snack and so on. He has daily SALT and I have a direct line of contact with the lead SAL therapist there so I feel we are giving it all we can at the moment.

Great to hear from you @carriebradshawwithlessshoes that's good. Communication is the goal at the minute, it is so heart wrenching to have nothing back (although we do occasionally) and she does show affection I long to be a parent who complains that their child wants to play with them 24/7.

How is verbal dyspraxia diagnosed to make it different to a speech delay? Is it physically making the sounds with muscles/mouth? Does your child have any other diagnosis?

Thanks for replying, speech delay is a lonely place, however, communication delay is even worse.

hi sorry I never posted as my DS is 13 months so quite a bit younger. he has no words currently and makes few sounds other than aaa. Quite worried as all the other kids around the same age are babbling loads and beginning to say words. he understands a lot of what I'm saying though and points/waves which makes me think it's not ASD but I'm no expert. hoping for a big burst of words any day now...

Verbal dyspraxia was diagnosed by a specialist SALT. It means that even when DS is very motivated to say something he cannot say the word/ sounds and coordinate them. I have an older DD. At 2 she was like a parrot. She heard DH saying something rude at around 2 and parroted it back. She didn’t understand what she was saying but she could copy the words. Even if DS desperately want say a biscuit and I hold the biscuit and say biscuit he can’t repeat the word. He will say something other.

he has an adhd diagnosis. He probably could get an asd one too as asd in the words of Lingle ‘is not one thing.’ At the moment he has lots in place for him though so it’s not top priority.

you probably know this but intensive interaction is the key for getting that connect… and then to move from there. Be fun, be animated, exaggerate your reactions, your responses. It’s exhausting but just try and get that link between you both. Reward any interaction even just eye contact. Follow her interests or even what she’s doing, even if it’s something that seems pointless.

don’t ever think there’s not lots going on in her head or underestimate what she’s absorbing or observing or that her comm difficulties mean she’s not bright. It’s a path but you can help her move along it with the right intervention.

Does she like TV? An easy thing to modify is put the subtitles on. Soon we saw DS was reading them more than listening, often non verbal children are visual learners.

13 months is still so little. Don't make the mistake of focussing too much on words. Focus on interaction and understanding and that will pave the way for words.

@carriebradshawwithlessshoes

You are so right, trying to be so interactive all the time and getting very little back is so exhausting and a little soul destroying.

I am focusing mainly on attention and listening games which have a high point (ready steady go, I'm going to get you then tickles etc). She enjoys puzzles and is quite good at problem solving so I pass her the pieces or we turn take in tower building etc.

I try to narrate most of what I do, here is your cup/plate, use your spoon for yoghurt and so on.

I guess I am at the hardest part of the process and gradually I'll be able to break down communication barriers.

She does like TV but when it is turned off she is fine about it. I might try the subtitles. She doesn't use a tablet ever and used to watch a little more TV but I have curbed that massively to about 20-30 mins a day and I don't even have it on in the background anymore where I would be watching it while she plays.

I had watched the Laura Mize episodes on youtube and I guess they have out the fear of God into me about not using every available minute interacting with her and not giving her time alone to play without interaction. She can play independently well - not much pretend play but she mostly uses toys of their intended purpose.

@RiverRock22 you sound like me a couple years ago! Agree with your posts re: focusing on interaction rather than specific words. My DS is 4, we're still waiting for a paed appt to get an ASD diagnosis, but it's already as good as guaranteed. For us that means he's on a different path to learning language, and getting him interested in verbal communication and imitating speech was the first step.

Whether your DC is likely ASD or not, in my inexpert opinion and experience, I totally agree that focusing on interaction and communication in any form is key to start out, and in our case the words did eventually come after. He started with a few single words ("biscuits" was his first functional request!) at around 2.5, then by 3 he was reciting phrases from his favourite books and movies (delayed echolalia) and filling in words, and now at 4 he's still using plenty of delayed echolalia but also using short functional sentences, though still with bad grammar. But it all started with lots of 1:1 play with him, building in turn taking and communication wherever possible.

Now that he's clearly on the path to learning language, I'm using the Meaningful Speech resources to help boost his repertoire of scripts because apparently this helps kids who use a lot of delayed echolalia to eventually move past that stage and get to original speech and language. (I mention this resource everywhere and I swear I'm not being paid a commission, but it is so, so good. So encouraging when you are listening to a 4yo recite passages from the Gruffalo at you 10,000 times a day! It's at www.instagram.com/meaningfulspeech/)

@Scratchybaby

So good to hear from you! It's lovely to have tips from parents who have been through it.

The initial stages of trying to gain attention and interaction are difficult but it's good when you see so many say that it'll come.

@RiverRock22 I totally appreciate how exhausting this part is - it's still exhausting for us now! - but you really sound like you're doing the right thing and you'll get there. I know not every child ends up speaking, but most do indeed get there.

When my DS was your DD's age, we followed advice from the book An Early Start for your Child with Autism - it describes an early intervention approach called the Early Start Denver Model (ESDM). It sounds like you're already doing much of it, but the ESDM focuses on building communication - of any form - into play and daily activities as much as possible, and expanding play where possible to expand learning opportunities. If you haven't already I'd say it's well worth a read if only to skim it for inspiration for more or new activities. Even if it turns out your DD doesn't get an ASD diagnosis, I'd argue that you can just ignore the "A-word" in the title and read it anyway because it's still relevant. The approaches in there would be beneficial for boosting any young child's communication skills - ASD or not - and they definitely helped us.

Thanks @Scratchybaby I will look into it. Many of the resources I am looking into for speech are aimed at ASD (Hanen etc).

It's the strategies though that are invaluable as you say. Attention games are good but hard work and exhausting!! Probably have around 2-3 mins of attention right now. How long do you think it was before you noticed a good difference in attention span?

finding all your comments fascinating sorry I am not contributing much I just don't have a lot of knowledge on this stuff.

can I ask for those of you who's children are ASD what were the signs at a year old?

i haven't thought DS up until now but also don't want to be naive, the longer him not speaking goes on the more I am beginning to wonder.

as I have already said he seems to understand loads of words, good eye contact has quite a few gestures now, just no words and few noises. does it sound more speech delay than ASD or is it still too early to say it's a speech delay?

@RiverRock22 your question re: attention span - that is a really hard one! It was so incremental and really, our DS is still only 4 and with the expected ASD diagnosis, I have no idea what a meaningful measure of "good" would look like anyway. It's certainly better, and he can focus on preferred activities for a good length of time (building train tracks, play doh, doing puzzles) but it's very much on his terms. His attention span for non-preferred activities (sitting for circle time at nursery) is still absolutely minimal. Progress was a little slow to start but the pace did pick up between 3-4yo and I'm excited for what the next year brings as I'm seeing little leaps in language and play skills every week, if not every day. Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing!

@Michelle50 I think most advice will be that it would be extremely difficult to spot ASD at 12 months - babies aren't usually at a stage in their development where they begin showing signs (this happens more often around 2yo and is due to the differences in the ways NT and ND brains develop and "prune" synapses at this age). The "red flags" that got me on the path we are now on were the often cited receptive/expressive language delay, lack of pointing, hand-leading and running off without looking back for reassurance that we were still near him, all by 18 months to 2 years.

If your DS is showing signs of understanding language at 12 months that's a great sign. Similarly, I would've thought that 12 months is also still a bit early to be worrying about a delay in expressive language? Someone can surely correct me if I'm wrong on this. If it were me, I'd put it out of your mind for now and reassess at 18mo-2yrs. For now I'd just focus on continuing to play, talk and interact with your sweet baby as much as you can, as it will be good for their speech and communication skills (meaning you can be reassured you're doing everything you can at this age) regardless of what's ahead!

thanks @Scratchybaby i appreciate your response and i know what you mean about it potentially being too early to tell if he has a speech delay. i really do hope this is the case! just to be clear I am not expecting him to be saying proper words in context right now. if he had been doing the typical 'babbling' babies are 'supposed' to do during their first year (dadada bababa gagaga) -according to any milestone checklist I've come across- i would not have be expressing these concerns. but so far all we've had is vowel sounds. i feel like i am so aware of hearing other babies often much younger than him when we are out and about all yelling dadada at the top of their voice and it just makes me worry that he's really behind :( his older sibling is was quite an advanced talker, maybe i'm comparing too much! Sorry for rambling on

@Michelle50 no need to apologise - I was you once!! Or at least a version of - I don't want to suggest you're on the path to an ASD diagnosis because your DS is still so young.

I have to say you're much more aware of these milestones at an early age. My DS is my first and only, and I was utterly oblivious to this when he was 1yo. It didn't occur to me to start worrying until 18 months, and his nursery remained unconcerned until after 2yo (if that gives you any comfort!)

We're having a good day today!

Lots of repetition and we've almost mastered 'go'! More direction with communication and interaction.

Speech and language therapy has to be the longest, most draining process but it makes it worthwhile when you see progress, even though it's very small!

Did anyone have sight tested when young that in turn improved communication?

A bit random but it has been suggested to me.

@RiverRock22 Hiya OP, how are you doing? I think a thread like this is a good idea, am following with interest. My LO is 23m, definitely speech delayed though we do have some words (well, sounds arguably - 'da' has about ten different meanings?!). I'm mostly concerned about things around speech though - so behaviour and communication more generally! Funny you mention the sight thing, same thing has crossed my mind after we were referred for hearing checks (still waiting) - I assume it'd be a specialist referral via GP/HV. I am v short sighted as is my other half and asked my opticians when they start testing kids and they said school-age up! Long time to wait! X

Just to say if you have concerns they should refer before then re sight check. Can be done at a Childrens centre or a hospital. I have a friend who is an optometrist at our local hospital and tests newborns sight up. Funnily we are taking DS on Monday. Drops to go in before the visit (30 to 60 mins before) then they can tell us exactly what his vision is at the appointment (no verbal feedback required). Both me and DH are v v shortsighted too.

They have told us DS IS shortsighted it’s just a question of how much.